This week, my posts will be piss poor. I may just skip days. Hey, it’s just a blog.
Why am I being such a downer about the quality of Citizen of the Month? I’m always so good with my blog — I hardly missed a beat in three years.
The answer is — I’m currently in the process of running away from my life.
Just for a while. Nothing dramatic. No drugs or alcohol. Maybe a little Manishevitz now and then, since I will be staying with my mother. Actually, she likes Kahlua, because it is as sweet as Manishevitz. Maybe I’ll learn to make some cocktails for us!
I just bought a one-way ticket to New York. It’s for next Monday. Oh, sure — I’m coming back. Don’t worry, dear Californians. I’m hoping to make money on this screenplay I’m working on. Besides, New Yorkers are a bunch of snooty jerks. But it’s my childhood home. What can I do? I was born there.
I probably will stay for a month. I figure I’ll buy another one-way ticket back to Los Angeles when I’m ready to return to the real world and start my new life. This may screw up my BlogHer plans.
There are several reasons for going. I will avoid having to move to another apartment in Los Angeles… just yet. With Sophia’s rent going up next month, we need to figure out the best way of paying for everything. Sophia and I agree that we can both “think” better if we’re apart for a month — 3000 miles apart. I will be able to finish the first draft of this award-winning sex comedy screenplay. I will celebrate my late father’s birthday on June 19th. I will see friends. And most importantly, I will eat pizza that doesn’t contain pineapple.
I don’t make rash decisions, but I saw the ticket to NY online, and whoosh — I bought it. It was difficult to find an inexpensive one-way ticket, so I have to switch planes in Salt Lake City. I’ll be there for at least an hour, so this would be a great opportunity for Heather and I to grab a cup of coffee together at the airport.
Darn it, I promised that I wouldn’t make anymore Dooce jokes. Sophia is right. I don’t keep to my promises.
Earlier today, Sophia presented me with a list of “must-dos” before I leave next week. She is nervous about me leaving. When she started showed me the list, it was like one of those documents that unravel and roll down the steps, a royal declaration of chores.
Who is going to set up the wii fit? What if I get a computer virus? Where is the fan in the garage? Who is going to massage my leg when it cramps?
I understand all these needs. I have plenty of them myself. One of our main problems is that we are at the point in our relationship where we “need” each other more than we “give.” I’m saying that about BOTH of us.
We’re so different than when we married over ten years ago. I think I’ve changed even more than her, because I was a total nudnik back then, someone lucky enough to catch such a hottie. What did she see in me? I have no idea.
Years later, we are both stronger. I feel more competent and manly than I did before meeting Sophia. But we’re also become weaker in many ways. We depend on each other too much — even for our own happiness. It doesn’t make things easier. If you think meeting Mr. and Mrs. Right is a pain in the ass, it is absolutely FUN compared to the confusion of the same couple separating, something we have been doing… forever…
I’m curious what Brenda, my therapist, will say about me skipping town for a month. Is it irresponsible? What will I do for money? Am I avoiding life? I’m wondering if I should still have therapy with her via phone once a week? It probably isn’t as effective. Or fun — I wouldn’t be able to look at her shapely legs in those cute summer dresses that she wears! I could ask her — over the phone — if she’s wearing a dress that day, and what type of shoes. but I think that may be inappropiate. Don’t you think?