Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Pineapple on Pizza: Yuch!

If you know that your friend’s husband is cheating on her, do you tell your friend?  Of course you do. 

If your friend is dating a man who is hiding his prison record from her, do you tell her?  Absolutely.

If a family member is in trouble, and you have the opportunity to help save him, wouldn’t you?  Yes!

To most of us, the blogging world is a safe haven from the real world.  We chat, we tell jokes, we listen.  But there are some of us who don’t belong in civilized company.  The sick tastes of these individuals have been so perverted through time that they are a danger to us all. 

I am naturally speaking about those who put pineapple on their pizza.

Two days ago, I made a sarcastic comment on Twitter about the inhumanity of putting sweet Hawaiian fruit on pizza — PIZZA — Italy’s greatest achievement, surpassing even that of the Renaissance. 

I’m a traditionalist.  I don’t like pizza with anything on it other than cheese and sauce.  But I accept the weaknesses of others, and have enjoyed pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, and other acceptable toppings.

It wasn’t until I moved to California that I became aware of the terrible illness that grips the rest of our country — putting weird crap on pizza.   Was it the fault of the infamous California Pizza Kitchen?  The nasty Wolfgang Puck (who once tried to injure my family with a cheaply made pan)?  Or the negative influence of the Papa John’s and Domino’s and Pizza Huts of the world?  Why would you put PINEAPPLE on a slice of pizza?  Do you put apple sauce on your hamburger?  Mango on your pot roast?  It is insanity!

Sadly, many of you ARE insane.  Several of you wrote back to me, announcing that pizza with pineapple was your favorite type of pizza!  How weird!  And disgusting.

I know you took me into your confidence when you revealed this information to me, but this is too serious an issue not to warn the others.  I am not suggesting that we make a blackmail list against bloggers who enjoy pineapple on their pizza.  I am just suggesting that we proceed with caution.  Perhaps there are other “secrets” that they are hiding.  Do we really want to share a room at BlogHer with any of these folk?  I personally don’t trust them.  Who knows what other sicko things they are doing with their food products?

If you put crazy things on your pizza, please tell me now, so I can delete you from my blogroll.

And please be wary of the following individuals:

dailytannenbaum @Neilochka Take me off your blogroll if I’m on it. Although I did burn out after having pineapple pizza as much as possible in college. 01:22 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply

iamthediva @Neilochka i like pineapple on my Teriake Chicken Pizza… and yeah, the whole “Ham and Pineapple” thing is huge up here. 12:08 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to Neilochka

Nedra @Neilochka There goes my chance to make it onto your blogroll — pineapple pizza is my very favorite. Oh well. 09:38 AM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to Neilochka

DownWithPants @Neilochka – I like you Neil, but if it comes down to you or pineapple on pizza, I’ll have to pick pineapple. 09:18 AM May 21, 2008 from txt in reply to Neilochka 

Miguelina @Neilochka If pineapple on pizza is a sin, then I guess I’m going straight to hell. 12:12 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to Neilochka

catheroo @Neilochka I had pineapple on my pizza just last night! 09:06 AM May 21, 2008 from txt in reply to Neilochka

lauriewrites @Neilochka We call it Hawaiian pizza in Maryland. Ham and pineapple. : ) 12:06 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to Neilochka

— and here’s a real pervert:

fluidpudding @Neilochka I am hesitant to admit this, but my absolute favorite pizza showcases pears, pine nuts, and Gorgonzola cheese. 

A Year Ago on Citizen of the MonthOut of the Past

74 Comments

  1. Thanks a lot for that photo Neil! Just the look of those pinapple chunks wallowing around that lucious pizza base, rich tomato sauce and tangy cheese like they own the place makes me heave.

  2. Immediately after I finished reading your post, I came to the following: http://www.elise.com/recipes/archives/007247salmon_teriyaki_skewers_with_pineapple.php

    So, what’s your stance on salmon teriyaki skewers with pineapple? Is this a general pineapple embargo, or is specifically in a pizza context? I demand you make a stand! 😉

  3. someone once told me that pizza is like sex. even bad pizza is good. i completely disagree! if you have to add so many things to your pizza to make it taste good to you then it is not worth it.

  4. I’m a Midwesterner; we don’t have very adventuresome palates, ergo, I’ve never had pineapple on pizza. The thought of pineapples and tomato sauce sounds vile. Almost as bad is broccoli and carrots on pizza.

  5. kathy-i’ve had broccoli on pizza before, it’s great!!!
    i’m off the blogroll, i love pineapple on pizza, but not with ham, i prefer it with bacon. my fav pizza would be thin crust, pepperoni, bacon, ground beef and tomato, but every now and then i do get crazy and have some pineapple. i do draw the line at that cinnamon pizza that pizza hut makes, i tried it cuz the kids wanted to try it, but none of us liked it.
    btw, mango is great with pot roast!

  6. In italy my favorite pizza besides marguerita was quattro stagioni (four seasons). On this they put four quadrants of toppings, usually mushrooms, artichokes, prosciutto and olives. I think the toppings represent food from each part of the year. At the wood fired italian pizza place here they had the nerve to mix up all the toppings. It was like having winter fall summer and spring all in you mouth at once. Fa Brutto!

    Having said that, I don’t mind pineapple on pizza although it is far from my favorite.

  7. I do believe I also replied to your Twitter thingy. And am not on you list. And I even invited you to dinner and everything! *stomps foot in exasperation* *gets over it* *eats some pineapple pizza*

  8. Pineapple on pizza bad. But pine nuts good.

  9. WELL.. there it is.

    my favorite pizza is cheese, a little fresh basil, and tomatoes.

    i have been known to eat some pineapple and ham pizza. And other pizzas with white sauce (the horror) and chicken.

  10. I’m with you. I love pineapple. But definitely not on pizza. That’s just whack.

  11. I’m with you on this one, Neil. Pineapple on pizza is wrong, wrong, wrong. And so is popcorn-flavored Jelly Bellies, while we’re on the subject of disgusting things.

  12. Hate ham, like pineapple. For some reason pineapple seems to go well with salty/garlicky flavors, which I would not have expected. Guess I’m off the blogroll!

  13. Sadly, my favorite pizza falls somewhere between traditional and pineapple (YUCK, BTW). I like “white” pizza. Being allergic to tomatoes means the white pizza is more appealing just on the “no-itch” factor alone. It’s alfredo sauce, italian sausage, basil, garlic, red onion, and lots of cheese.

  14. That pizza looks disgusting. Not because of the pineapple however, but because of the enormous chunks of ham, orange sauce, and absence of cheese.

    As a California native, my pizza has got to have one of two things on it: pineapple OR jalapenos. Not both.

    Neil, I think we need to look into the real issue here. The issue is not fruit on pizza, but inhibitions. For example, your sandwich was a very basic pastrami and sauerkraut. Tasty, yes, but not very exciting. What is your food saying about you Neil?

  15. Ok. I like it too. My best friend got me started on it in the fall. Now we split a pizza for lunch about once a week. yummy

    (Neil, this is the old femme… new name)

  16. I am so with you on this one. I HATE pineapple on pizza. If you’re going to put something on your pizza other than cheese it better only be meat!

  17. I used to like pineapple on my pizza — when I was a vegetarian, and subsequently had the pallet of some weirdo European or coastal type (with their fancy schmancy, unpronounceable food in oddball shapes and sizes!). Now that I’m over that, I can only be satisfied by pepperoni.

  18. I never really considered love of pineapple pizza a secret, but whatever.

    I think of pizza in two categories: the slice you can grab while walking down the street that costs the same as a subway ride (delicious!)

    And then there’s the “throw everything you can on some dough and add cheese” category. They exist together, and that’s why I love this country.

  19. i am ever patriotic, and stand by my country…and my pizza…

  20. I hate pineapple on my pizza!

  21. Pineapple on pizza is the sickest thing ever! The Diva is right that it’s huge up here in Canada. I tolerate someone else ordering it but I must eat a Ham and Pineapple pizza I flick the pineapple off!

  22. Yeah. No. I’ll admit, I had it when I was younger but that was before I was older and wiser. I DO like apple on a turkey and cheese sandwich. THAT is good. (a new england fall thing)

  23. Memarie Lane — Funny you should say that. My first idea for this post was to say what your food choices say about your “sexual” style, with the pineapple lovers being perverts. But then I realize I love plain pizza, plain pastrami sandwiches — and my favorite ice cream is, yes, vanilla. So, I decided against writing that post for obvious reasons.

  24. I like pineapple on my pizza, too, but still prefer the Deluxe…pepperoni, sausage, peppers, onions, and cheese.

  25. My BFF Jade likes pineapple on her pizza. She has so many other wonderful qualities that I decided years ago to forgive her of this fault. Oh, and we never go out for pizza.

  26. i once had a pizza with fig paste, grapes, goat cheese, and arugula.

    i would have married that thing if i hadn’t eaten all of it.

  27. Brace yourself. Not only do I like pineapple on my pizza, I used to date a guy who put sauerkraut on his. I Know. How wrong is that?

  28. Churlita — the sauerkraut sounds pretty weird, but I would try that… once, just as an experiment.

  29. I would very much appreciate it, and I don’t think I’m alone here, if you would create a blog badge that certain folks would “voluntarily” post to alert others of their penchant for pineapples or other assorted pizza potpourri. Oh, one more thing…if you could loosely associate it with The Patriot Act that would be fabulous. Be out loud and proud about the pizza preferences.

  30. Like I twittered to you, I also can’t stand pineapple on pizza. I also happen to think cheese pizza is perfect. It’s all I ever order.

  31. I am gathering up the torches and pitchforks at this very moment.
    We will then organize a suitably angry mob to round up these “fruit lovers” and force feed them large quantities of traditional “God fearing” pizza while pelting them with artichoke hearts and feta cheese.

  32. Ew, ew, ew!

    But Fluidpudding has a cool idea — pears and gorgonzola go very well together, and pine nuts are heavenly. What’s gross about the “Hawaiian” pizza is that they slop it on top of regular cheese and sauce. Ew. Ew. Ew.

  33. I love Hawaiian pizza. And you can’t take that love away from me, Neil, no matter how hard you try.

  34. One of my wife’s few flaws is liking pineapple on her pizza.

    I love her anyway.

  35. I love Hawaiian pizza! But I did always wonder why Hawaiian pizza had Canadian bacon on it.

    Patty’s Pizza in Santa Monica has an interesting variant with mandarin oranges.

  36. By the way, as an intellectual sidenote — if you look up hawaiian pizza on wikipedia, you learn that hawaiian pizza is NOT eaten in Hawaii. It was actually created in… Germany!

  37. Classic Hawaiian Pizza. Yum! I remember having pineapple and Canadian bacon on a pizza way back in 1978! This was at a little pizza shop in Highland Park near York & Fig called Luigi’s. The shop is still there.

  38. I prefer CPK’s BLT pizza with lettuce and mayo, but I love a pineapple and ham pizza, too.

  39. I’ve been known to vountarily chew and swallow Hawaiian pizza, so if you’re going to remove me from the blogroll that I was never on to begin with, well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

    That said, the picture you’ve shown of pineapple and ham on pizza looks pretty disgusting. No wonder you dislike it so, if that’s what you’ve been forced to look at. That is NOT what the ham/canadian bacon is supposed to look like. And are those ONIONS?

  40. we could totally eat pizza together. Hooray for purists!

  41. Hi Neil : )
    I can stand it, and can eat it if I need to, but I wouldnt order it and its frankly; a little weird.
    I agree. We’ll force-feed them regular pizza and pelt the artichoke hearts and feta cheese. Of course we’ll be nice about it.

  42. You wouldn’t believe the things they put on pizzas here in Sweden. FRIED EGGS. PEANUTS. CURRY SAUCE. BANANAS. So there are, indeed, worse things than pineapple (though I’m not a fan there, either).

  43. Oh, Neil… you don’t have me on your blogroll anyway (clearly an oversight on your part) so I guess it doesn’t matter whether or not I like pineapple on pizza.

    For the record, I think it’s disgusting, but I’m all for piling veggies sky-high on a Marcello’s large. Gotta have spinach on there too– it is after all, the home of Popeye there.

  44. Oh, and let me just sound off on IMO’s pizza. If you ever have a chance to try it– or any other “St. Louis style” pizza– DON’T!!!

    It’s incredibly nasty stuff, almost unbelievable… like someone was consciously trying to create the worst possible pizza, using the cheapest ingredients. Ugh.

  45. Usually I am all over your post. But I am going to disagree. My favourite pizza ever has Tiger shrimp and figs on it.

    mmmmmmmmm… pizza

  46. It’s so interesting that out of all the things discussed on Twitter (marriage, the battle of the sexes, religion, identity, politics) pineapple and cheese is what finally gets you all worked up.

    (Pineapple on pizza = LOVE. But that fig paste, grapes, goat cheese, and arugula pizza sounds absolutely amazing.)

  47. Growing up, we often got the Hawaiian pizza. I don’t really have a problem with it, but I don’t eat it that way. My husband can’t stand pineapple on pizza.

    Some of the worst pizza I ever had was in Italy. I believe pizza is actually an Italian American invention.

  48. Sorry, dude — I loves me some Hawaiian pizza. I don’t get to order it very often though, because neither my wife nor my daughter can stand pineapple.

    FYI, our standing order at our local Round Table Pizza is an extra-large, half combination (with no anchovies — again, I love ’em but my girls won’t eat ’em), half pepperoni and mushroom (for my finicky daughter).

  49. I can take or leave pineapple on pizza.

    I am a huge fan of BBQ chicken…and have even had a perogie pizza. And it was GOOD.

  50. Neil, I am totally with you on this one. I have had to endure the fact that my entire family and most of my friends like this horrible concoction.

  51. Miguelina — this was the most important thing that was written about on Twitter. The rest is all marketing crap.

  52. Neil, I don’t want to do it, but we have to break up. My favorite pizza is pepperoni with pineapple. Also, I think you should know we have a chain in Oregon that puts almonds on pizzas.

  53. Okay, here’s my weird pizza craving – white pizza with shrimp, spinach and broccoli. No pineapple ever! I don’t like fruit on my meat – so I’m not a fan of orange chicken either. 🙂

  54. That’s right Neil, pineapple on pizza – so good. My favorite is pepperoni, sausage, pineapple and cashews. Be afraid, be very afraid.

  55. I will say though, that pizza in your post looks disgusting.

  56. Please, I love ham and pineapple pizza. But my favorite is BBQ pizza – it rocks.

    Still, traditional is best . . with red pepper sprinkled on it for extra heat.

    And have you ever dipped your pizza in Ranch Dressing? Absolute heaven.

  57. My favorite line in all the comments:

    “I don’t like fruit on my meat.”

  58. I don’t mind the pineapple/ham pizza. And I kind of like the uppity pizza I had at Aspen once… white sauce, goat cheese, chicken and sun dried tomatoes. Interesting, but I don’t make it at home.

    The worst by far is BBQ pizza. I’ve tried it a couple of times and it’s just plain wrong.

  59. Fruit with meat is a long-standing taste combination though…. cranberry sauce and turkey, pork chops and apple-sauce, swedish meatballs and Lingon berries, lemon chicken, pineapple rings on baked ham, etc. etc.

    The tangyness of the fruit brings out the sweetness of the meat.

    (heh)

  60. Sing it Brother Neil! Pineapple has NO. EARTHLY. BUSINESS. on pizza. Neither does ham.

  61. If you ever wanted to add me to your blogroll, Neil, you’re safe. I want no fruit of any sort on my pizza!

    Unless it’s a dessert pizza with a brownie crust… 🙂

  62. I once tried peanut butter on a cheese pizza. Yes I was stoned, but still.

  63. Hey Joe — Well, at least you have an excuse, being stoned.

  64. Not Fainthearted – I will give you the cranberry sauce and turkey – but the sauce is beside the meat not cooked on it or in it. So on a technicality it’s not fruit on my meat like the pineapple-ham pizza all cooked and stirred together. Thinkinng or even seeing orange marmelade chicken just makes me want to gag. 🙁

  65. Haha! I don’t think i’m on your blogroll anyway! But, so you know…: I LIKE PINEAPPLE ON MY PIZZA. And, I’m proud of it. MIND YOU…. I haven’t had it on my pizza since I was pregnant: when my favourite pizza involved the following combo — sundried tomatoes, broccoli, green olives and PINEAPPLE!!! Okay, now, cut. me. off. 😉

  66. Pineapple and ham/Canadian bacon on pizza is a favourite in Canadaland, where they call it “Hawaian Pizza”.

    Mmmm…warm pineapple and pig meat….

  67. Here, in Japan, they put corn on their pizza…usually.

  68. I saw this thread on Twitter the other day but was too busy at the moment to chime in. I just have to say that I used to feel the same way you do about “weird stuff” on pizza. I, too, considered myself a traditionalist at heart, preferring nothing outside the “normal toppings” on pizza.

    And then I tried pepperoni and pineapple.

    And then, my life changed forever.

    There is something about the flavor combination of the salty pepperoni and the sweet pineapple.

    I…just…no words.

  69. The sweetness of the pineapple combined with the gooeyness of the cheese makes me think about decay and rot. It’s vile, like picking up warm dog crap.

  70. I will never forget the first time I had pineapple on pizza. I was six years old and my parents’ friend, Mrs. Barber had made homemade Hawaiian pizza. For days, my four-year-old brother and I spent a great deal of time discussing why anyone would think of putting fruit on what is clearly supposed to be a fruit-free food item (being too young to understand the tomato is a fruit issue). We decided she had to be crazy.

    Of course, now I actually do like Hawaiian pizza with pineapple…

  71. I had to laugh. I’m afraid it may be all my fault; well not mine but Jane’s. I was one of the first females hired at Straw Hat Pizza Palace (a California chain)in 1972. The next year my family moved to Australia. One night I was making pizzas and had one with Canadian Bacon and our new Australian friend Jane thought pineapple would be a great addition – I thought Yuck! but she and others loved it. So I wrote to my old work place and told them they had to try Canadian Bacon and Pineapple, because we often enjoyed coming up with odd combinations. Next I know, 2 years later I moved back to California and it had become “Hawaiian Pizza”… unless someone beat me to the punch it should be “Jane’s Australian Pizza (try at your own risk).

  72. I have LOVED Pineapple pizza since 1974 when I discovered it in Santa Monica. If I can I buy a can of crushed Dole pineapples before I order a pizza, then add it and reheat the pizza. Lately I’ve started making my own pizza since they are often cold by the time they are delivered and pizza crust is easy to make from web instructions, then I can cook it with as mach Pineapple and other toppings as I want.

  73. Someone says you have to have pineapple on your pizza. I loved a supreme combo at a certain establishment, & someone ordered that pizza 1/2 with pineapple. By the time I got my piece, the 1/2 without pineapple was gone. I had to take off the pieces of pineapple, which I can eat, but the pizza was so sour, it tasted spoiled. The pineapple actually made the pizza taste spoiled. Pineapple works with ham or Canadian bacon, but with other types of pizza, no, no, no!!!!!!

  74. I just came across this and wanted to say that Hawaiian pizza with garlic powder is what has gotten me through my pregnancy!

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