Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

You Talk Like You’re a God

I was about to sit down and write about my first therapy session, but I’m not sure what to say yet.  Am I even supposed to write about my therapy  or does this fall into “confidentiality?”  I’ll say this — the therapist was very nice and nurturing, but I have no idea yet whether she will be “effective” with me.

I came home tonight and was amused to find a unfriendly comment on an old post — “Why is Los Angeles So Ugly?”

from YOU SUCKER:

you suck. you talk like you’re god or something, thinking you’re right and everyone is wrong

I’m not sure why this weird comment struck such a nerve with me.   I don’t even remember the post to be controversial.  But I have to admit, I like the poetry and drama of the comment.  What did I say that made him so upset?  Do I really appear “god-like” to him?  Cool! 

Being a little tipsy, I thought I would help this commenter expand on his comment to me.

to MYSELF:

You suck.  You talk like you’re a GOD or something, thinking you’re right and everyone is wrong.  What hubris!  Do not the stars shine on us all?  Do we not all fall and stumble?  If you are a GOD, you are a weak one.  You stand there naked, your stance unsteady, pleading for a woman’s flesh.  You are no knight going into battle, or even a farmer growing fruit.  You are just a man, drunk on margaritas, hours after therapy, taking off your glasses, your body wanting.  

Besides, no real God would order the chicken tacos at El Torito.

A Year Ago on Citizen of the MonthWolfgang Puck Hates My Family

35 Comments

  1. I only go to El Torito on Tuesdays for $1 taco night. It’s a pretty good deal.

  2. See! Therapy is working already!

  3. Hehe – your version is much more poetic – clearly he’s no blogger!

  4. Neil, write about whatever you want. I’m glad the first session didn’t kill you. Keep going!!!!!!!!!

  5. neil, if you yhink you’re god, you should definately bring it up with your therapists and let the rest of us know how it feels

  6. Okay – you pulled me out of the shadows in which I was lurking with this. From time to time I get nasty comments on my otherwise quite peaceful blog.

    I blog about my life and work as a human rights officer in Afghanistan and from what I understand from George W Bush I assume these people hate me for my liberty and freedom, no?

    Some times the haters make me feel a bit queasy. In the future can I send their comments to you for editing into a Neil/god-like version that will make me laugh instead?

  7. That commenter is going to feel so inferior if he ever comes back and sees how you finished his critique of you.

  8. I bet God totally digs chicken tacos.

  9. Masterful…my God!

  10. But would a God have a talking penis? Seems like only one of them could be all-knowing.

    Just saying.

  11. I think the gods get their tacos at Taco del Mar.

  12. no mean commenter would say “hubris” but the fact that you did is hawt.

    there is never ever anything wrong or unmanly or ungodlike about ordering tacos.

  13. I hate mean commenters. They freak me out and make me wonder if they are going to google me and then come to my house and kill me. I got several unkind ones after my post on Christian Domestic Discipline. Mostly from the women who like the spankings their husbands give them! Say, maybe you could be God because that sounds like something you would endorse!
    But God doesn’t wear a purple bathrobe, so I think you are probably a little lower on the hierarchy. Maybe an archangel!

  14. Wait. So you’re not God?

    I’m confused.

  15. You’ve become so introspective, Neil. I don’t know if it’s the therapy or the life changes, but I like it. 🙂

  16. Darren had a relentless mean commenter, but one day we just went in and changed one of his comments to read “I poop my pants and cry like a baby.” He never came back!

  17. I fall to my knees and worship at your feet. Yeah.

  18. Oh Neil…Even if where you are right now SUCKS…as I am sure it does..in some respects… That poem you just poured out..is wicked good. You are there baby..even if it doen’t feel good. Boy…you are on target.

    Bravo.

  19. I don’t understand what it was about that post that made You Sucker so angry. Maybe he/she didn’t see the part where you warned them up front that you were going to be the new design czar. Maybe they need to get a sense of humor. Or a life.

  20. Hmmm I guess you can’t blog about therapy if your therapist confessed anything, otherwise it’s fair game for you. I hate rude commenters, it really gets under my skin and I don’t understand why. But then random rudeness does in person too. Maybe I’m allergic to it.

  21. I like your finish much better! lol

  22. Was your therapist hot?

    The first time I went to therapy I was like 19 years old or something and the therapist was so cute I couldn’t tell him anything at all. I had to switch to a woman who was almost 80, but she was awesome and didn’t think I was less pretty for being so dumb and messed up.

  23. Your version is much better. Seeing as you are the patient you are free to spill the beans on the therapy sessions.

    Of course the therapist was hawt, Neil wouldn’t see her is she wasn’t!

  24. I thought you WERE God…but a “lower-case g” kind.

  25. You’re supposed to be God on your own blog, that’s what blogs are for. This dude couldn’t even manage any sort of concrete argument against anything in particular that you’ve written. Stupid little troll.

  26. I think you need that road trip. Want to come clamming with me?

  27. your vulnerability shows tenderly through your dry humor.

  28. You’re not God, but you’re a damn good writer.

  29. Your revision was perfect. If you’re going to slam someone, do it eloquently. Otherwise you just look a moron.

  30. “Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!”
    –Bill Murray in Ghostbusters.

    (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Hope you’re feeling better. Go for the cheese enchiladas next time, they soak up the booze better.)

  31. Glad to see you are getting the hang of therapy. I went through a couple till I found the right now.

    and besides…I like the El Torito. But if you want a real margarita, go to El Cholo near the Wilshire Theater. I am telling you I saw God after a few of their margs.

    and the guacamole doesn’t suck either.

  32. I bought a one way ticket to Margaritaville on Wednesday and laughed and laughed over an e-mail conversation I had with a friend. Good for the soul.

  33. Melanie — Been to El Cholo many time. I actually think El Torito is pretty bad, but like Whit mentioned — Tuesday is a good night for cheapsakes at El Torito!

  34. i do believe therapy is working for you.

  35. I happen to stumble on your blog and i might say its funny funny funny. Oh and that comment “you suck. you talk like you’re god or something, thinking you’re right and everyone is wrong” I couldnt resist and have it on the quote of Myspace. its just too funny to not share with others!

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