the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

April 12th


Ever since I moved back in with Sophia, she’s been trying to get me to move out of the house and into my own apartment.   I’m always telling her that I’m too depressed to go through all the trouble of looking through the classifieds, etc. 

Now I have something to admit to you.   Sophia cleverly found a way to break me out of my depression.  She threw this amazing virtual surprise birthday party for me, in which so many of you sent such lovely cards and gifts.  All your kindness and friendship worked better than Prozac!

But here is the actual surprising part, and it is a little embarrassing to reveal, but  — it wasn’t really my birthday!   The entire event was all set up by Sophia as a last-ditch effort to “make me feel good,” right before our trip to Portland,  so I wouldn’t have any excuses not to move out the house when we returned. 

Isn’t Sophia devious, but amazingly clever?  I’ve started visiting some vacancies today in Los Angeles with my mother, thanks to Sophia’s push (and with your generous help!)

Luckily, I have some other good news.  My REAL birthday is coming up on April 12th!  If you were unable to send a gift the first time, here is your opportunity to do so now!  I would also love it if everyone who sent me a card or gift for my fake birthday, does it again for my authentic birthday.  It would mean so much to me.  All of you are such good friends!

Since I’m not sure if I’m going to be living with Sophia or in my new apartment in two weeks, please send all packages to Danny.

Thank you in advance for making my upcoming birthday on April 12th the best one I’ve ever had!

Love, Neil


  1. V-Grrrl

    Wow Neil! This is so amazing–we have the same birthday! My birthday is April 12th too! Since I’ve bonded so much with you and the other bloggers here, we can celebrate TOGETHER!

    No need to send heartfelt handmade cards or gifts to Belgium though, you can just send cash–online by bank transfer! I have a special bank account in Nigeria waiting for your donations!

    And Neil, why get an apartment when you can just move into Danny’s beautiful house? I hear Leah is moving to NY to star on Broadway, so there’s a room for you. Besides, he needs someone to handle his mail–it’s just gotten crazy lately.

  2. Neil

    Happy April Fools’ Day!

  3. Ash


  4. Bre

    It’s quite possible that you could pull off a scam like that every month if you really really milked it!

  5. brooke

    You’ll get nothing and like it.

  6. Dagny

    *sigh* All I can say is that I am happy that April Fool’s is on a weekend and that I therefore will not be subjected to endless jokes at work.

  7. Otir

    Be happy not to live in France (maybe they also do that somewhere else?) but you’d also have to watch your back, where everyone tries to hang a fish onto it.

    Happy April fools’ day! (I came to look on your blog on purpose, thinking that the fooling us would have been to tell us something entirely true…) 😉

  8. Rabbit

    Neil, I didn’t know what to get you for your REAL birthday, so I’m just sending money. I know it’s not terribly creative, but I’m not a terribly creative person. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that the check is in the mail.

  9. Leah

    My first thought was “Neil has some SERIOUS chutzpah!”

    And I like Rabbit’s comment. My money is in the same envelope. Look out for it. 🙂

  10. Hilly

    Don’t you pull your April Fool’s tomfoolery on me, mister 😉

  11. Rhea

    I totally fell for this until I read the comments and was reminded that it was April Fools’ Day. Jeeessh.

  12. Danny

    You are evil. I’m keeping all the presents that come!

  13. Mist 1

    I want my card back.

  14. Pearl

    …well, Tiny Tim and David Letterman both were born on the 12th of April. If they’re worthy of being born that day — maybe you are too!

    No more limericks from me, though. And you already are an alumnus of Kramer University, so I’m outta birthday present ideas. Just wanted you to know that.

  15. Sizzle

    you are totally not an aries. liar liar pants on fire!


  16. Postmodern Sass

    “So Paul, did ya hear; did ya hear about that blogger guy out there in Los Angeles…”

    “A blogger guy, Dave?”

    “That’s what I said, Paul, a blogger guy. I even said it with the italics. Pay attention, Paul.”

    “Ah ha ha ha ha!”

    “So anyway, so he’s out there in Los Angeles and he’s blogging, or whatever it is that them blogger folks do…”

    “I believe they blog, Dave.”

    “Paul, if you interrupt me one more time I’m going to come over there and rip your head off, and stuff it down the hold in your neck.”

  17. Eileen Dover

    Try harder next time!

  18. You can call me, 'Sir'

    I feel so used.

  19. sandra

    Neil, we’re both April birthdays! Now I think you’re even cooler.

  20. Not Faint Hearted

    Aha-ha-ha-ha! I don’t which part of the joke is funnier: you asking for more birthday presents or suggesting that you went apartment shopping with your mom! (Not that your mom wouldn’t find you a totally rockin’ bachelor pad.)

  21. Two Roads

    Not Faint Hearted is spot on about the apartment shopping with your Mom – doesn’t this just feed into Sophia’s MBA diagnosis?

  22. Margaret

    i feel violated

  23. Neil

    Hey, and what’s wrong with shopping with my Mom?!

  24. Mo

    Is ANY part of the above post true? I like it when you put what percent of your post is true afterwards. You’re tricky and it’s the only way I can keep up with you.

  25. Roberta

    One ode per customer, bud.

  26. churlita

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You’re killin’ me. It will be interesting to see if anyone sends you any gifts. Let us know, ‘kay?

  27. Alexandra

    Am I the only one confused?? Is it an April Fools joke?! If not, email me your address so I can send you a birthday card (but I can’t send you another $100 like I did in your last card.)

  28. ned

    What’s URI?

  29. better safe than sorry

    i’m your special friend???
    that’s great, now off to make that special homemade card:) and maybe some jam:)

  30. kapgar

    You got Yoga already. Deal with it, you birthday double dipper, you. 😉

  31. steppingoverthejunk

    Neil, happy real birthday…mine is the 24th…YAY APRIL BABIES!

    My dad is selling an amazing trailer off PCH if you’re interested. It is gorgeous. If you want to live in a trailer that is. Heh.

  32. CP

    Wow. Just wow.


  33. Karl

    Nice scam there, birthday boy.

  34. sbukophile

    Nice try… though I thought since I missed wishing you birthday greetings the first time around, I had a second chance.

  35. gorillabuns

    i’ve been had.

  36. Monkey

    Oh my! Nefarious Birthday Plots. Does it get any better than this?

    Of course I’ll send you bananas for the event on April 12th.

  37. Jazz

    April Fools, huh?

  38. Jill

    Oh dear. I am so confused now. Which birthday is the right one? See, this is why I hate April Fool’s Day. Stupid holiday…

  39. MsMamma

    Neil- You’re right about gyms being kind of groady and gross, but when you’ve hit a dry spell as long as mine, REAL heavy breathing is almost obscene to my ears and the mind wanders. I hope you have the best birthday EVER.

  40. Jose

    My…b’day is also on april 12th…so am also proud of ur achievement which makes this day memorable

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