Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Well-Developed Intuition

russiangal.jpg

Sophia got this email today, supposedly from the Ukranian woman in this photo. It links to some dopey website matching American men and young Russian girls.

Hi, dear —

I can imagine that you will wonder to get today the letter from unknown, but pretty woman from such far country like Ukraine. As for me I could not yet believe that I write to foreign man whom I don’t know, but whom I do want. The reason of my letter is very simple: I want to find my love, my soul mate, that is why I am here. I decided to try to find love with you. I feel with all fibres of my soul that you are descent man and your heart is kind and is able to love. You may ask me how I know. I will tell you that I have well-developed intuition and my intuition chose you among thousands. and I want you to become the One…

I ask you not to ignore my letter and not to throw it to the rubbish bin. Read it, please, as attentively as you can. I am as serious as i have never been. I am fed up to be lonely and to feel jelous if I see loving couples. I want to scream, I want to cry, but I doing nothing I won’t change situation. If love don’t come to me, I want to invite love to come into my heart. And that is why I need to find my soul mate. If you agree to help me to find love, become my soul mate -write me, I will wait (at some website)

Waiting for your mail

Nastena

Sophia: “Isn’t that funny?”

Neil: “I dunno. It’s kind of touching.”

Sophia: “Are you crazy? It is email spam saying I’m her male soulmate!”

Neil: “Maybe it’s my new poetic sensibility. I feel her yearning for love.”

Sophia: “It’s fake!”

Neil: “What is “fake” after all? Isn’t all writing “fake?” On the other hand, maybe life itself is an illusion? And language is the reality. Do we even know if the material world exists outside of language?”

Sophia: “Yes, we do. And I STILL want you to clean the guest bathroom before your mother shows up for Passover.”

Neil: “Wait, wait… poetic inspiration —
“Ah, graceful toilet, porcelain throne,
Sitting in the corner, yet all alone…””

(THE REST OF THIS POST WAS DELETED ON THE ADVICE OF THE BLOG EDITOR AND THE SUBJECT COMPLETELY CHANGED)

hoosier.jpg

I have a lot of bad qualities. I can be vain. I can be passive-aggressive. I sometimes stare at cleavage a little too long. But I DO KEEP MY WORD. For my birthday, a few bloggers sent me scratch-off lottery tickets from other states and Canada. In a previous post about my birthday, I said that if I won something, I would share the winnings with my fellow bloggers. Well, good news! Indiana’s own Oospy Daisy sent me a “9’s in a Line” scratch-off from the Hoosier Lottery, and we’ve hit the jackpot. Three nines in a row! Ten dollars!

Who wants in? Just tell me and once I work out the long division, I will mail you a check with your share of the winnings. It’s the least I could do to repay your for all of YOUR kindness.

By the way, Danny has been in New York, so I still haven’t seen some of your birthday cards and gifts, which are still in his living room. So, if I haven’t thanked you yet, don’t blame me, blame Danny.

14 Comments

  1. So, is Sophia going to contact Nastena? She’s hot. You could call her “Nasty” for a nickname.

    It would be so cool of Sophia to marry this girl for you. LOL

  2. Neil oh Neil – Can I audit that long division? You know, being a CPA and all. LOL!

  3. I find it amazing that her English sucks but her spelling is perfect. Go figure!

  4. i want a piece of that but i want you to take my share of the winnings and treat that beautiful wife of yours to something spectacular, like a coffee! or maybe a few sips of yours.

  5. I got an email much like that from “Alena.” Sophia and I can swap if she prefers blondes.

  6. Well, if you have to get spam, well written spam is the way to go.

  7. so you WERE looking at my boobs an extra long time!

    😉

  8. I’m just sittin’ here feeling sorry for Neil’s toilet. I hope Neil introduces it to a nice toilet brush and they get along fabulously.

    (This message funded by the Sophia Lansky Committee for Clean Toilets)

  9. I get those e-mails from hot Ukranian chicks all the time. I’m too insecure to pursue such women. What if they get here and we get married and then they do nothing but badmouth me to their hottie girlfriends in Russian all day?

  10. She looks a hottie, I think it’s a good idea for Sophia to marry the Ukranian, then you can dine out on that one forever! LOL, and all men will be in bewildered awe at you.

  11. Maybe Danny kept the winning lottery ticket for himself. Maybe right now he’s at a beach with a drink with a fruit salad perched on the rim, a girl in a bikini and mocking you. Think about it. What do we really know about this “danny”

  12. You can just think something nice about me and I’ll be happy.

  13. I answer emails for a big 10 university, and I get several of those a day. I always picture a fat, hairy, 65 year old man named Boris, sitting at his desk typing them out.

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