(from The Miracle of Kew Garden Hills, Chapter One)
“Here’s what I want, Neil. Have you ever thought about hosting a Holiday Concert on your blog, where other bloggers spread the joy by sending in holiday music and songs they recorded themselves?”
“Host a Holiday Concert? Me? But I’m Jewish!”
“So am I, Neilochka…” said Nick. “So am I…”
“Who else do you think they could get to work on Christmas Eve?” he laughed.
“And how exactly would this Blogger Holiday concert work?” I inquired.
“Ho Ho Ho. Easy as fruitcake. Tomorrow on your blog, you would put up a sign-up sheet. Bloggers could volunteer to perform a holiday song for Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa. They can sing or play an instrument, or both. They could send the finished piece over the internet either in .wav or MP3 format, edited or unedited. I’m sure you can help explain all this. Even with all those Playstation 3s I’m hearing about, I’m not much of a techie.”
“And when would I hold this Christmahanukwanzaakah Concert?”
“December 20 sounds right.”
“And what about those bloggers who can’t sing or play an instrument?”
“You mean the talentless ones? They could always send you a photo of their menorah or Christmas tree. Just NO KITTENS.”
“What did you say your name was again?”
“Nick. Although some call me Kris Kringle. Or Santa Claus.”
“Santa Claus?! You have to be kidding?” I cried, my eyes rolling in disbelief.
The elevator door opened. My mother was standing down the hall, waiting for me, much as she used to when I would come home from school. I grabbed my suitcase and rushed towards her, trying to get as far away from this nut as possible.
“Hurry, Mom! Let me in and then close the door behind us!”
“Hello, Neil,” my mother said in her usual cheerful, comforting voice. “And hello, Nick.”
I twirled around like a dreidel and saw Nick following right behind me.
“My Sweet Elaine.” Nick purred, as he took my mother in his arms. They kissed, passionately.
“MOM?! What the…!!!”
My mother took my hand, sensing my concern.
“Neil, I was going to tell you later about Santa… uh, Nick.. but… but…”
Nick took my mother’s other hand.
“Your mother and I are friends… ” he said.
“Very good friends…” added my mother.
It suddenly became real to me. This was Santa Claus. And Santa Claus was a horny older guy leering at my mother’s figure!
“Mom?” I gasped. “Are you doing it with Santa Claus?!!”
(TO BE CONTINUED)