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Since I’m still in New York for the rest of the week, I decided to go into Manhattan for a job interview with Anna Wintour at Vogue Magazine.
Anna:Â “So, Neil, how much experience do you have in the fashion industry?”
Neil:Â “None. ”
Anna:Â “None?”
Neil:Â “Well, I did write two pieces about fashion.”
Anna:Â “At which publication?”
Neil: “It was on my blog.”Â
Anna: “I see. Your blog. And what were these “pieces” about?”
Neil: “One of them was to call for a boycott of the fashion industry and the other was about some ridiculous jeans that revealed male pubic hair.”
Anna:Â “And this is your ONLY experience with the fashion industry?”
Neil: “Well, I read La Coquette. I think she does something with fashion. And a lot of female bloggers write about shoes, so I know a little something. And Sophia has dragged me to a lot of stores where I’m bored out of mind. Even Fictional Rockstar recently wondered on her blog, “Why do women torture men like that?”
Anna:Â “Do you know who Jimmy Choo is?”
Neil: “Of course. Didn’t he played Bruce Lee’s adversary in “Five Fingers of Death?””
Anna Wintour sighs.
Anna:Â “Do you usually come to an interview wearing torn jeans and a tee shirt that reads “I almost f***ked in a rowboat?””
Neil:Â “I try to have my own style.”
Anna:Â “And exactly why do you want to work for Vogue Magazine?”
My Penis interrupted me before I could answer.
Penis: “Simple. Have you seen the hot women who work here?”
Neil:Â “Please, Penis, I’m in the middle of an interview.”
Penis: “Neil, I just want to make sure that I’ll be comfortable working here. Aren’t we a partnership?”
Neil:Â “OK, Penis, go ahead.”
Penis: “Ms. Wintour, I notice that most of the editorial staff consists of women who are size 2 and under. Do you have any women employees with a little more meat on them, maybe in the accounting department? I prefer f***ing women with at least some tits and ass.”
Neil:Â “Penis, can you act professional for once in your life?”
Anna: “I think this interview is over. How in the world did you ever think that Vogue would hire you as a fashion writer?”
Neil: “Well, I saw this movie last night called “The Devil Wore Prada,” about a “serious journalist” young woman with stringy unwashed hair (but was a goddess after a fashion makeover) who got a job with a fashion magazine simply by walking in and mocking the the industry to the editor-in-chief’s face. And this hard-to-believe movie was based on a hard-to-stay-awake-while-reading bestselling book that women just loved to read. And the bestseller was based on the ungrateful writer’s own experience. So, I figured, what do I have to lose?”
Anna:Â “If I hire you, do you promise to write a roman a clef based on your negative experiences working here while portraying me as a crazed monster?”
Neil:Â “Absolutely.”
Anna:Â “You’re hired!”
