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In all my years of following politics, I don’t recall a Democratic race being so close and and so embittered as the current race between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Like in a Hollywood movie, these are two allies torn apart by the intensity of the political process.  Democrats usually rally behind a candidate by March. Events are different this year. Tensions are high as friends and families draw the lines in the sand — Clinton or Obama. The Democratic Party has been splintered. Liberals, progressives, men, women — these “categories” are now useless, as each demographic divides itself into smaller and smaller sub-groups. Blacks, whites, Jews, union members — no one votes as a single bloc anymore. Candidates and pollsters alike are scrambling to decipher what Democrats want and who to appeal to in this important election.
As of today, here is what the Democratic landscape looks like, according to the most recent polling:
Women over 50 who lived through the feminist movement:Â Clinton
Women under 40 who know more about their vibrators than the feminist movement:Â Obama
Voters who want change:Â Obama
Voters who want change, but not as much as the other voters:Â Clinton
Women who make over 100k — Clinton
Women who make over 100K but are divorced from a randy husband who was getting oral sex from his “intern” — Obama
Blacks who think Obama is too “white” — Obama
Blacks who think Obama is too “black” — Obama
Blacks who owe favors to the Clintons — Clinton
Guilty Liberal Jews who say they love “rap music” just to look cool — Obama
Religious Jews who think Obama will nickname the White House the “First Mosque” — Clinton
Small Town Americans who have never met a black person, but feel comfortable with them  — Obama
Small Town Americans who have never met a black person, but still don’t like them — Clinton
Small Town Americans who have never met a black person, but still don’t like them, but have heard Clinton speaking on the TV — Obama
Misogynists — Obama
Racists — Clinton
Misogynists and Racists –Â McCain
Misogynists and Racists who hate McCain – Clinton, because at least she doesn’t seem like a typical dame
Academics in Universities — Obama
Academics in Universities with Tenure — Ralph Nader (what do they care?! They have a job!)
Asian male models who look gay, but aren’t — Obama
Women who buy Anne Taylor suits at the outlet mall — Clinton
Men who show their private parts on MySpace — Clinton
Men who go online and ask for photos of women in bras — Obama
Crest users — Obama
Colgate users — Clinton
Those who make love to Neil Diamond — Obama
Those who make love to Nine Inch Nails — Clinton
Those who know that Hillary Clinton and Hilary Duff spell their first name differently — Obama
Those who say, “Who’s Hillary Duff?” — Clinton
It is clear that this race is going down to the wire!
