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This week’s challenge on Poetry Thursday:Â Write a poem about sex.
Sex Advice for Men
by Neil Kramer
Problems in the bedroom?
Your lady unfulfilled?
Ask me any question,
And get her garden tilled.
Question:Â
“I really like this woman,
She’s sexy through and through.
I always climax way too fast,
What’s a man supposed to do?”
Answer:Â
“That happens very often,
When relationships are new.
So, here’s a tried and true technique,
Passed down from Jew to Jew –”
You entertain thy woman,
With everything you know.
You tell amazing stories,
From Dickens, Eyre, and Poe.
You paint a lovely portrait,
You wear an artist’s frock,
You balance twenty dishes,
You buy her penny stock.
You tell her she is gorgeous,
You tell her that is why —
Your passion rose so suddenly,
And hit her in the eye.
You kick and do a swing dance,
You cook her Cream of Wheat,
You promise her gelato,
You say you’ll sail to Crete.
You feel her being curvy,
You lick her little toe,
You spread her arms behind her,
You move her high and low.
You be an opera singer,
You be a Shakespeare bard,
You pray to God repeatedly,
“Please let me stay real hard.”
Soon she’ll be all ready
Her heatbeat all a rush
She’ll want to climb atop you
Her body all aflush
Of course, by now you’re tired,
From all that work and fun,
You still might be excited
But your c**k might say “I’m done.”
