the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Tag: lying

Bloggers with Biceps – Week One


One of my favorite TV programs, 24, had its season finale last week. In this year’s storyline, the President of the United States got involved in all these illegal activities, and was trying to excuse himself, being that he was the President and his actions were “for the good of the country.” This arrogance is seen in the real world, in everyone from politicians to CEOs. Power corrupts. Those in power frequently abuse their position because they hold themselves to a different standard than the “common people.”

“If you were in the same position of responsibility as I am,” the egomaniacal leader might say, “you would do the EXACT SAME THING.”

Now I understand the allure of power and corruption.

Last week, I invited others to join me in a “Bloggers with Biceps” program. I agreed to exercise twice a week, or pay the penalty of twenty dollars to charity and face my humiliation online. Today finally arrived, but I had only gone to the gym once last week.

What should I do?

I thought of changing the rules. After all, today is Memorial Day. I could use the excuse that the gyms were closed for the Holiday. Who’s going to argue with that?

Of course, someone might just ask, “Why didn’t you just exercise at home?”

Or, “Why didn’t you exercise earlier in the week?”

My answer would be, “Hey, I’m not doing it for me. I’m doing it for you. I’m sure there’s someone else who procrastinated until the last day. Why not give them a break?”

Of course, the “contract” clearly says we begin on Monday. Today is already the start of Week 2.

My sense of morality was starting to nag me, like my mother. But I rebelled.

“The rules are for everybody ELSE. Not for me! This is my idea. I’m ABOVE THE LAW.”

“That doesn’t seem very fair,” my irritating moral goody-two-shoes-self said.

“Screw you,” I told my wimpy side. “Haven’t you ever read Nietzsche? Machiavelli? Ayn Rand? A leader is in a special category. If I admit that I only went once to the gym, the entire exercise program will crumble. I’m the inspirational one, the titan of exercise, the one who is helping thousands of others leave their computers to do physical activity. I don’t care about myself. I don’t want to destroy THEIR DREAMS. Their dreams of getting into shape. Dreams of wearing that bikini. Dreams of lifting a spouse off the ground using just one muscled arm. For the good of everyone, I will lie and say that I went to the gym twice this week. For the good of all.”

But then, as I left Starbucks today, I saw a shiny new penny sitting in the parking lot next to my car. I picked it up, as I always do with a penny, for good luck. And there he was, staring at me, another great leader of men — Abraham Lincoln. Honest Abe.

“Let no young man choosing the law for a calling for a moment yield to the popular belief — resolve to be honest at all events; and if in your own judgment you cannot be an honest lawyer, resolve to be honest without being a lawyer.” – Abraham Lincoln.

As he spoke these words to me, on Memorial Day, no less, I realized that I could not tell a lie to my fellow bloggers.

I only went to the gym once this week.

I deserve to be humiliated in public. I procrastinated. I was lazy. I don’t deserve to be thought of as a hunky sex object anymore until I prove my worth again.

But for now, I donate twenty dollars to the Wellness Community of the South Bay.

How did everyone else do? Where are your donations to a cancer charity of my choice? Roll call!

Bloggers With Biceps (as of 5/29)

Dating Dummy
Edgy Mama
The Yearning Heart
Anonymous City Girl
Plain Jane

New Participants


Lies and Lying


Lies and lying has been a theme for me this week, whether it is "lying" on my blog or "lying" to a salesman in a mattress store.   I notice that many bloggers involved in online dating also write a lot about "lying," particularly about daters who lie on their online profiles.  Hilary recently wrote about a date she had where the man wasn’t as tall or had as much hair as his online profile had indicated.  I also hear of online daters posting photos of themselves from ten years ago.

I’m no Mr. Morality.  I’ve lied as much as anyone.  Recently, I went on a job interview at a major movie studio to work in their "internet" division.  A friend advised me not to mention my writing because human resources will be afraid that I’ll be running around passing out scripts rather than working (which is probably true).  So, I fudged a little on my resume.  I didn’t feel very guilty about it.

The difference between my lie and lying on your online profile is that I was pretty sure I would get away with it.   That’s not the case with going out on a date.   If your online profile says you are 33 years old, 6’2", with a full head of hair, and it attracts someone of the opposite sex, eventually you’re going to have to meet this woman in person — and then they are clearly going to see that you are 53 years old, 5’6" and bald. 

So why lie?  Do you really think that "just getting into the front door" applies to dating?

When I start online dating, I’m going to take the opposite route.  I’m not going to say how wonderful I am.    This will just ultimately lead to a woman’s disappointment.   Instead, I’m going to try to make myself look as bad as possible, so after the date, the woman will say to herself, "You know what — he wasn’t as bad as I thought."

I understand human psychology. 

Think about movies.  When a studio goes all out promoting a movie, aren’t you inevitably disappointed with the actual film?  I don’t need to see "The Fantastic Four."  Whenever a movie has tie-ins with a burger chain, I know the movie will suck.   It’s always those unassuming movies like "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" that surprise you and win your heart.

In preparation for my online dating career, here’s a glimpse of what my profile will eventually look like:

  • I am 6 feet tall, which I know is a big plus for you women.  But I frequently slouch, making me look much shorter.
  • I am thin, but I noticed that I gained weight when I was living with Sophia.  If I ever get married again, assume that I will get fatter.
  • I still have my hair, but it is thinning a bit and I’m also getting grayer.  My father has a bald spot in back, so I can assume the same thing will happen to me in a few years.
  • I attended an Ivy League college, but it wasn’t one of the really prestigious schools like Harvard or Yale.  
  • I have friends who are successful doctors, lawyers, and movie directors.  I am none of the above.
  • I’m smart, but I know plenty of people smarter.  I can do the Los Angeles Times Sunday crossword puzzle, but I can never finish the New York Tmes Sunday puzzle.
  • I’ve been married once, and it was a rocky marriage.  My wife says everything was my fault, and she is probably right.  I would definitely get married again, but really — why would anyone want to marry me?

Sophia knows me best of all.  Let’s bring her in for a final personal recommendation.

Neil and financial security:  (Sophia laughs for 2 minutes)

Neil in the bedroom:  Sophia says, "He falls asleep after sex.  Sometimes, I fall asleep during sex."

Here’s my current photo.


Date me!  You’ll see that I’m not as bad as you thought!

Now isn’t that better than lying?

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