The following is taken verbatim from the Jamba Juice newsletter "Jamba Whirl" that I picked up at my local Jamba Juice (true!):

When Shellie Wilkinson first walked into Jamba Juice in October 2003, she wasn’t thinking about losing weight or changing lifestyle.  She was simply hungry — and wanted something to boost her energy level. 

But it wasn’t long before Shellie realized that drinking down a delicious smoothie (with a shot of wheatgrass on the side) was the perfect alternative to a fatty, fast food lunch.  It tasted great, filled her up, and even better, it let her feel energized.  After about a month, she was already a few pounds lighter.

"I started going every day, and pretty soon everyone at Jamba knew me," says Shellie, 37, an entrepreneur and mother of two who lives in Santa Barbara, CA.  "I would get in line, and by the time it was my turn to pay, my smoothie would be ready!"

Her newly found energy also inspired her to purse a new passion:  karate.  She and a friend signed up for lessons, and she began going three hours a week.  Other changes followed:  she gave up alcohol, stopped eating after 6 p.m. and prepared lighter, healthier dinners. 

The result?  In one year, Shellie lost 60 pounds and dropped from a size 16 to a size 8.  She’s now a fit 146 pounds and has earned a purple belt in karate.

"I had tried every diet out there," she explains.  "Nothing worked.  I realized Jamba smoothies offered good carbs, nutrition and energy and when combined with my other lifestyle changes, the weight just started coming off.  Thank you, Jamba!"

I like Jamba Juice smoothies, but do you really think Shellie lost all that weight by drinking the almost 400 caloried Jamba Juice smoothies every day — and not from the other things she did?

If I wake up every morning and play with myself for an hour, then jog for ten miles, then give up alcohol, and then eat a salad every day for lunch — can I really say that playing with myself every morning made me lose 60 pounds? 

Jared and Subway.  Shellie and Jamba Juice.   The "Citizen of the Month"’s revolutionary new diet plan. 

Could I write a book, "Playing With Yourself —  Into Thinness!"?   Would Oprah take me as a guest?