Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Tag: Bloggers with Biceps

Bloggers with Biceps – Graduation

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Neil:  “Congratulations to those who have made it through a month of exercise. 

I can’t say I was perfect.  I reached my goal twice and donated money twice.

I’m definitely going to keep on exercising.  How about you? 

I’m looking forward to the day when I can rip my shirt off and show you all what exercise has done for my physique.

Since this is your official graduation from Bloggers with Biceps, I’ve invited someone special to hand out your official decals — Governor of California Arnold Schwartzenneger.”

Arnold: “Thank you, Neilochka.  I appreciate everything you and your blog do for California’s economy.  As I look out at all of you Bloggers with Biceps, I am truly amazed that such a loser bunch of girly-boys and fat-ass women chose to finally do some exercise. 

I’m especially glad that a few of you live in California and are choosing to exercise, because having fat people in this state is bad for our reputation.  We are supposed to be the mecca of plastic surgery and incredibly thin women like my wife, Maria.  Hopefully, on Election Day, California voters will support me by voting in Proposition 184, which builds a wall around the state prohibiting anyone with more than 15% body fat from entering California.

But let’s leave politics for another day.  Or like I love to joke, “let’s Terminate this conversation.”  Today is all about YOU and your SUCCESS. 

May I call to the podium the following bloggers:

Michele
Femme
Mari
Alison
Bill
Jules
Fitena
Stephanie
Denise
Caitlin
Dating Dummy
Edgy Mama
Kevin
Amanda
Communicatrix
Dan
The Yearning Heart
Mariemm
Anonymous City Girl
Mags
Kelly
Peggy
Ashbloem
Bethany
Plain Jane
Cavu
Alex
MA

Congratulations all.  You have made Neilochka proud.

As you may have noticed, there are two decals attached to this post.  Please print them out on some nice paper stock, then iron them onto your favorite denim jacket or jeans.  Just don’t put them on the back of your pants because it will just emphasize your big ass.  Hey, it’s only been one month.  What did you expect — miracles?”

Neil:  “Thank you, Governor Schwartzenegger for that incredibly inspirational speech.   Doesn’t he look great?  He’ll always be Mr. Universe in my book. 

Thank you to all the bloggers out there who participated.  It made exercise fun.  Let’s keep on nudging each other through emails. 

Now turn off your computer and get yourself to the gym!”

A Year Ago on Citizen of the MonthBattle of the Cult Stars

Bloggers With Biceps – Week Three

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I know… you were hoping that I forgot.

That I got so involved with my rant against experts and getting Dooce to comment on my blog that I would forget OUR AGREEMENT.

I know some of you are hiding.

You are hiding because you didn’t exercise this week. You are hiding because you do not want to give twenty dollars to charity EVEN THOUGH your signed your name IN BLOOD in front of the ENTIRE BLOGOSPHERE.

I wasn’t lazy last week.

No.

I went to the gym THREE TIMES this week. Let me say that again: THREE TIMES!

(OK, the truth:  Sophia had to drag me there each time against my will)

But my abs are getting so tight that I have been inspired by Angelina Jolie to give myself the kosher-version of her latest tattoo:

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How did you do this week…?

Michele
Femme
Mari
Alison
Bill
Jules
Fitena
Stephanie
Denise
Caitlin
Dating Dummy
Edgy Mama
Kevin
Amanda
Communicatrix
Dan
The Yearning Heart
Mariemm
Anonymous City Girl
Mags
Kelly
Peggy
Ashbloem
Bethany
Plain Jane
Cavu
Alex
MA

You have one more week in the program. Get out there and exercise!

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: The Ultimate Status Symbol: More Kids

Bloggers with Biceps – Week Two

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If I told you that I went to the 24 Hour Fitness in Hermosa Beach on Saturday afternoon and their lights were out, making it difficult to exercise, would you believe me?  Or does it sound like the schoolboy’s excuse of  “my dog ate my homework.”

Well, their lights were out — honestly — and I was about to leave, when I asked myself:

“What would Billy Blanks, world-renowned fitness expert and creator of Tae Bo, do?”

I realized that I must exercise, no matter what the obstacles! 

So, I exercised in the dark (well, since it was afternoon, there was plenty of light from the windows, but I wanted to paint the scene as dramatic as possible for you).

I tried the elliptical machines, but after I felt like I was going to drop dead, I went back to the treadmill.  I’m still exploring the weight machines.  I think I like using dumbbells more than these machines.  It’s simpler and I’m less apt to overcompensate with my stronger arm.  

It’s still pretty hard for me to go 2X a week, but the peer pressure is helping.  I procrastinated as usual, not finishing my time until Sunday night.

But I did accomplish my two hours for week two!

Anyone need to humiliate themselves here?

Bloggers with Biceps – Week One

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One of my favorite TV programs, 24, had its season finale last week. In this year’s storyline, the President of the United States got involved in all these illegal activities, and was trying to excuse himself, being that he was the President and his actions were “for the good of the country.” This arrogance is seen in the real world, in everyone from politicians to CEOs. Power corrupts. Those in power frequently abuse their position because they hold themselves to a different standard than the “common people.”

“If you were in the same position of responsibility as I am,” the egomaniacal leader might say, “you would do the EXACT SAME THING.”

Now I understand the allure of power and corruption.

Last week, I invited others to join me in a “Bloggers with Biceps” program. I agreed to exercise twice a week, or pay the penalty of twenty dollars to charity and face my humiliation online. Today finally arrived, but I had only gone to the gym once last week.

What should I do?

I thought of changing the rules. After all, today is Memorial Day. I could use the excuse that the gyms were closed for the Holiday. Who’s going to argue with that?

Of course, someone might just ask, “Why didn’t you just exercise at home?”

Or, “Why didn’t you exercise earlier in the week?”

My answer would be, “Hey, I’m not doing it for me. I’m doing it for you. I’m sure there’s someone else who procrastinated until the last day. Why not give them a break?”

Of course, the “contract” clearly says we begin on Monday. Today is already the start of Week 2.

My sense of morality was starting to nag me, like my mother. But I rebelled.

“The rules are for everybody ELSE. Not for me! This is my idea. I’m ABOVE THE LAW.”

“That doesn’t seem very fair,” my irritating moral goody-two-shoes-self said.

“Screw you,” I told my wimpy side. “Haven’t you ever read Nietzsche? Machiavelli? Ayn Rand? A leader is in a special category. If I admit that I only went once to the gym, the entire exercise program will crumble. I’m the inspirational one, the titan of exercise, the one who is helping thousands of others leave their computers to do physical activity. I don’t care about myself. I don’t want to destroy THEIR DREAMS. Their dreams of getting into shape. Dreams of wearing that bikini. Dreams of lifting a spouse off the ground using just one muscled arm. For the good of everyone, I will lie and say that I went to the gym twice this week. For the good of all.”

But then, as I left Starbucks today, I saw a shiny new penny sitting in the parking lot next to my car. I picked it up, as I always do with a penny, for good luck. And there he was, staring at me, another great leader of men — Abraham Lincoln. Honest Abe.

“Let no young man choosing the law for a calling for a moment yield to the popular belief — resolve to be honest at all events; and if in your own judgment you cannot be an honest lawyer, resolve to be honest without being a lawyer.” – Abraham Lincoln.

As he spoke these words to me, on Memorial Day, no less, I realized that I could not tell a lie to my fellow bloggers.

I only went to the gym once this week.

I deserve to be humiliated in public. I procrastinated. I was lazy. I don’t deserve to be thought of as a hunky sex object anymore until I prove my worth again.

But for now, I donate twenty dollars to the Wellness Community of the South Bay.

How did everyone else do? Where are your donations to a cancer charity of my choice? Roll call!

Bloggers With Biceps (as of 5/29)

Neil
Michele
Femme
Mari
Alison
Bill
Jules
Fitena
Stephanie
Denise
Caitlin
Dating Dummy
Edgy Mama
Kevin
Amanda
Communicatrix
Dan
The Yearning Heart
Mariemm
Anonymous City Girl
Mags
Kelly
Peggy
Ashbloem
Bethany
Plain Jane

New Participants

Cavu
Alex
MA

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