Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Tag: beauty

The Sequence That They Edited Out From the Dove Video

The Title of this article from Hollywood.com says it all, “Dove Video PROVES women are more beautiful than they think!”

But was it truly proven? Citizen of the Month was able to obtain certain material that was edited out of the final video, such as this interview with LAURA, a thirty-five year old accountant and mother of two from North Hollywood, California.

Dove: “A forensic artist wants to draw a sketch of you. He is hidden in another room. Please describe yourself to him.”

Laura: “Well, let’s see. I am decent enough for someone my age. But I never really liked my chin. My friends used to call me “Jay Leno.” I’ve also gained some weight since college. I’ve never liked my big nose, and my hair is too curly and unmanageable. On a scale from 1-10, I would rate myself a 5. I wish I were prettier. My mother never thought I was pretty. She always told me to stop slouching. I slouch too much. I’m disappointed in myself and the way I look.”

Dove: “Interesting. Now, while you were in the waiting room, you were sitting next to another woman. Her name is Cheryl. The forensic artist now wants to make a sketch of her based on your description. Please give him your honest description of Cheryl.”

Laura: “Cheryl? That woman in the waiting room? Wow! That woman looks like she’s really let herself go. She was dressed in clothes off the rack from Walmart. Girl, at least go to Marshall’s and find something half-decent! She was — I can only describe her as fat, like she hasn’t walked a block in years. She needs to go to the gym. I would never let myself go like that. I mean my chin is bad, but at least I exercise. And what’s with her eyes? Is she cross-eyed? Her thick glasses certainly don’t help. Contacts, baby, contacts! She needs a fashion makeover ASAP, and cosmetic surgery or at least some Botox. She’s probably only around forty, but looks more like sixty-five. I feel bad for her husband. All in all, she made me feel more way prettier in contrast. I guess I’m not so bad.”

Dove: Uh, thank you.

[sequence deleted from film]

Moral of the story: Some people see the best in you. And others are just assholes. Don’t let others define who you are. Nothing proves nothing. Especially in edited marketing videos. Define yourself.

I’ll Pick You Up at Seven, Lucky Winner

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Beautiful people are lucky. I remember seeing a Dateline episode a few months ago where they did an experiment to show how “beauty” enhances a person’s worth. They had two women, one plain and one beautiful, drop a notebook of papers on a city street. People just stepped over the plain woman, while everyone, even the handicapped, rushed over to help the beautiful one.

I try not to get suckered into responding to those who use their beauty and sex appeal to draw me into their blog. Have you ever seen 25 Peeps, where bloggers try to get more traffic to their site by showing themselves in their underwear?

I try not to judge any blogger by how they look, only by what they write. But, I am human, and sometimes I am tempted.

Today, my plan was to make Karl my “Blog Crush of the Day.” I read his blog on a daily basis, and he was even nice enough to put my name up for a possible Bloggie Award nomination.

As I was going through my blogroll, I came to EEK’s site. She is an excellent writer, but I don’t read her as consistently as Karl because she doesn’t write as frequently. But today’s post was a collection of photos from her New Year’s Party. It was the first time I had ever seen her photo.

“Jeez, she’s hot!” said a voice from beyond. “You should make her the Blog Crush of the Day!”

And I almost did. I almost compromised everything I believed in… for a pretty face.

But I didn’t. You’ll notice that I kept true to Karl, the Karl who would look awful wearing the same dress as EEK.

So, why am I telling you this inconsequential story? Because soon, it will be YOUR turn to do the right thing.

Serena (notMiranda of No Sex and the City) bamboozled me into volunteering for a online bachelor charity auction. I know… I know… I’m married, but this is Hollywood where we don’t worry about little details like that. The event will be happening in the middle of January. That means that bloggers will actually bid to go on a date with ME! Can you believe that? Of course, women who don’t know me very well will be judging me solely on my photo. Ugh. I’ve heard how tough everyone is on those Match.com sites.

What do you think — is it a bad photo? Notice how I kept my mouth closed so I didn’t have to whiten my teeth with Photoshop. I also need to come up with a blurb to win the women over… like “I enjoy long walks, but never at the beach.” Has anyone been successful in writing online dating blurbs? (NOTE: If you only get crazy, drooling, people answering your personal ads, please do not offer me any of your loser advice — no offense of course).

But look at that face? Can that mug really compete with the other men, most who will be gorgeous male model types with strong chest muscles and biceps? Brooke, will you bid on me?

When the auction begins, I want you to remember how I chose Karl over EEK, the regular guy over the beauty queen.
Will YOU do the right thing when you are given the choice of bidding on– ?

1) A dorky, separated, poor blogger.

OR

2) A handsome single attorney with six-pack abs.

And if you do win me as a date, I promise you that I will give you the best night out that any two-for-one coupon can buy!

Update:  Thanks for the honest comments telling me that my photo is bad… and giving me photographic tricks to look glamorous.  Do you really spend so much time on YOUR PHOTOS before you put them online?  And what happens once the person actually meets you and you look different?!

For Beautiful People Only

Today, in Craig’s List Los Angeles:

H.B.O. DOCUMENTARY CASTING/THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

WE ARE LOOKING FOR EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE… FOR A DOCUMENTARY ON THE LIVES OF BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, WE ARE ONLY LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL, WE ARE OPEN TO ALL ETHNICITYS [sic.] AND ALL CREEDS OF PEOPLE… "PLEASE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ONLY".

Hmmm….before I show up for the audition…  What if I’m beautiful but I don’t think I’m beautiful?  Do all extremely beautiful people know that they are beautiful?   At what point does beautiful turn into extremely beautiful?  If you are open to all ethnicities and creeds, which standard of beauty will you be operating under?  What if my creed idolizes ugliness?  What if I’m ugly but think I’m beautiful?  Who uses the expression "all creeds of people" anymore?  Why do some people capitalize an entire post thinking it reads better?   Is ethnicities intentionally spelled incorrectly so there won’t be a lawsuit when everyone in the documentary is white and skinny? 

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