Category: Jewish (Page 8 of 8)

Passing the Bar Mitzvah

May 19, 2005 / Neil Kramer / 3 Comments

I really liked this Slate article (written by Emily Bazelon) about the modern day bar mitzvah.Â Â One of her best suggestions is that modern Jews might want to do away with the bar/bas mitzvah age requirement.Â In the distant past, a Jew might have been considered an adult at thirteen.Â Â Â Who feels like an adult at 13 anymore?Â Or at 18?Â Or even 25?

If the bar mitzvah weren’t set in stone at age 13, teenagers and adults could choose to read from the Torah for the first time when they were moved toâ€”and they would get a real (rather than symbolic) taste of adulthood. So what if it takes some Jews decades to come around?

Wasn’t that the experience of that modern day Jewish sage, Krusty the Clown, who had his bar mitzvah as an adult?

Jewish tradition doesn’t change very easily, so it is doubtful that the “age 13” rule is going to change very soon, even though most kids don’t understand the whole experience.

I have a better idea.Â Maybe Jews should have to get a new bar mitzvah every thirteen years (13, 26, 39, 52, etc.), something akin to renewingÂ his driving license.Â Â This way, every thirteen years, a Jew can think about what “adulthood” means to him during a new stage in his life.

It would also get him a whole new assortment of fountain pens, because after thirteen years, he’s surely lost all the pens from his last bar mitzvah.

Oy Vey! Now the Trees Hate Us!

May 17, 2005 / Neil Kramer / 5 Comments

After the big Newsweek scandal, I think it’s time to sit back and remember that the American media isn’t the only one that uses "unnamed sources" for journalistic reasons. For example, I just read about the official Palestinian Authority Television broadcast of Sheik Ibrahim Mudeiris’ sermon.

The day will come when everything will be relieved of the Jews – even the stones and trees which were harmed by them. Listen to the Prophet Muhammad, who tells you about the evil end that awaits Jews. The stones and trees will want the Muslims to finish off every Jew. (via Memri)

It’s pretty clear that the speech is anti-Semitic. The bigger question is, "Who are these stones and trees who hate Jews so much that they want Muslims to "finish them off." Is it all of the stones and trees, or just the leadership of the stones and trees? Do they have names, or are these stones and trees "unnamed sources"?

I do remember skimming stones in Sylvan Lake at Camp Kinder-Ring when I was a kid, but I’ve never even carved my name in a tree. In fact, most American Jews are not very nature friendly. I did go to Joshua Tree National Park once. It was too hot and I got lost driving. Luckily, I found the way to Palm Springs, where I stayed at a really nice hotel and spa.

I spoke to a couple of other Jews here in Los Angeles, suggesting we go rioting and killing people, or at least injuring some Palm trees. That seems to be the proper response to the insult. Unfortunately, several people already had plans to watch "American Idol" tonight, so I guess the rioting is off.

In Praise of Chinese Restaurants

May 12, 2005 / Neil Kramer / 3 Comments

If I can make it to New York soon, I’d like to go see "Have You Eaten Yet?" at the Museum of Chinese in Americas. It is an exhibit is about the history of Chinese restaurants in America.

Rich, poor, black, white, who doesn’t love Chinese food? I always thought that if the world was going to be taken over by an enemy, better it be the Chinese than the Russians. At least we already like their food.

There are many Jewish jokes about American Jews and their love for Chinese food. My family was no exception. Growing up in Queens, NY, Chinese restaurants played an important part of my upbringing. Proust can have his madelaine. I have kung pao chicken.

Some random thoughts:

Christmas for us was Chinese food night. Maybe Jews love Chinese restaurants because they were the only places open on Christmas and Easter.
We would break our Yom Kippur Fast at a Chinese restaurant, usually a fancy place like King Yum, where they had exotic flaming dishes which we never ordered because they were too expensive.
We sometimes ate pork in a Chinese restaurant because it was somehow more kosher than the pork of any other ethnic group.
My mother tried to make her own "pepper steak" and "chow mein," with limited success.
I first considered myself "sophisticated" when I learned to use chopsticks.
I still remember the excitement of eating in my first Szechuan and Hunan restaurants in Manhattan and realizing that egg foo young isn’t really Chinese food.
I also remember the excitement of seeing what Chinese people really ate, and realizing the food I was eating in the Szechuan and Hunan restaurants wasn’t really Chinese food, either.
I couldn’t help trying a Chinese restaurant in Madrid with a really weird menu, and realizing that it was adapted for Spanish tastes as much as Chinese immigrants to America adapted their cuisine for us.
I spent too much time hanging out in the Formosa Cafe when I first moved to Los Angeles. What a cool place. The worst Chinese food I’ve ever tasted.
I still keep fortunes from the fortune cookies in my wallet, waiting for the them to come true.
I called my mother last night to tell her to go to this exhibit, but she was out playing Mah Jong.

Hey! Mormons! Leave Them Jews Alone!

April 10, 2005 / Neil Kramer / 2 Comments

The A.P. reports that:

Jewish leaders claim Mormons continue to posthumously baptize Jews and Holocaust victims.

In this practice, the Mormon church collects the names of the dead from government records, then church members stand in to baptize the deceased into their new religion. The church believes individuals’ ability to choose a religion continues beyond the grave.

The church supposedly directed its members in 1995 to stop baptizing the names of Jewish Holocaust victims, celebrities and people who aren’t relatives, but there is evidence that the practice never stopped.

I once visited the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City en route to Park City and they were pretty open about their practices. Boy, was that visit weird. The "tour guides" mistook my politeness for interest, and before I know it, I was stuck watching this multimedia production about Mormon founder Joseph Smith.

As for the continuing effort of Mormons to posthumously baptize Jews, the Jewish community is fighting back. This Saturday, at Temple Isaiah in Great Neck, Long Island, the Sisterhood is meeting to discuss next month’s proposed bar mitzvah of Mormon Jeopardy champ, Ken Jennings.