In my twenties, I would never have slept with a married man. I’m too moralistic. The granddaughter of a preacher. Â But now, I don’t consider it a moral failing. Â it just IS. Â I see him, despite his marital status. I love him, despite his marital status. I caress him in my bed, despite his marital status.
It’s not the big bad city that changed me. Â I’m still the goody-two-shoes Wisconsin girl. Â It’s just getting older. Â It Â means the stripping the body and mind clean of what constricts Â us, the old black and white thinking, and embracing complexity. Â Don’t overthink it. See the world with an open mind. We are all flawed. Â Brene Brown tells me to not feel shame. Â My love for him is not shameful. Â Yes, our relationship is complicated, like they say onÂ Facebook. Â But I understand it. Â I understand that he has kids, and his wife who’s Â crazy, so he needs more time. What I can give him is patience. I can wait. That’s true love. Like in Shakespeare.
He treats me well, better than any other man. Â He brings me gifts and tells me I’m beautiful. Â I so want to meet his kids. Some day. Â And we will be a family. Â Or else, we can have our own kids. Yeah, imagine that! Â What am I talking about? I’m not going to turn into my sister, stuck at home with kids, getting fatter by the day. No kids right now! That time will come. Â Just enjoy what you have. Â With no shame. Â Thank you, Brene Brown.
I bought a steak for tonight. He loves steak. Â I wish we would skip dinner completely and Â fall into bed, so I can feel his strong hands grab me from behind. I love when he says my name. I wait for that. Â He says that I make him feel like a man again. Â That his wife is aloof and makes him feel that he never makes enough money.
It’s 7:30. He said he would meet me here a half hour ago. But it’s OK. He must be stuck somewhere. I know Tuesday night his daughters have Girl Scouts. I wish he would text and tell me where he is. Â He needs to be discreet. Â I understand that. Â Until he can divorce her, Â it has to be this way. Â It’s all good. Â What can I do? Â All I can to do now is wait. Â True love requires patience.