I write to share my wisdom arising from my life experience. My words are like the rain, and you are like the soil, and when my nourishment satisfies your thirst for knowledge, you grow tall, like the grass and the flowers and the mightiest of trees. I write to educate you, to guide you to greatness. Once you were lowly, but after reading my words, you will be flying with the eagles in the clouds!
I write to lie, to make up shit, to come up with ridiculous statements like the first paragraph because I can imagine some asshole really writing that nonsense, and it makes me laugh.
I have no idea why I write. I’ve always written.
I write to clarify things in my own head.
I write to remember things.
I write to express love without having to say it out loud.
I write to imagine myself as other people, like an actor.
I write to be the real me, because, in real life, I am TOO much of an actor.
I write to impress girls so they will fall in love with him.
I write because writing is powerful, and I don’t own a gun.
I write just to amuse one person, who I know will get the joke.
I write because I don’t have a choice.
I write because good writers turn me on more than naked Playboy bunnies, and writing well is the only way I know to get them to talk to me.
I write to waste time.
I write to hide.
I write to be passive/aggressive in a cowardly way, and then feel guilty about it.
I write to be political, but not often enough.
I write to be truthful to others, because I rarely get a chance to be truthful in my daily life.
I write to force myself to stop lying… to myself.
I write because I’m not very good at football.
I write because when I read books, I’m always saying, “I can do better than that!”
I write because you can’t masturbate in Starbucks, but they do allow you to bring your laptop, so it gives me something to do while drinking coffee.