I had a very long conversation with Maggie Dammit this morning, and she helped me understanding why the post I wrote two days ago upset so many of my online friends — too many of you have been just like this girl in the car. There’s not much more I can say about this incident from years ago. What I’d like to walk away with is an understanding that this was aggression towards a woman, and I was a jerk towards her.
I was rather clueless when I published this post. I had no idea that it would provoke such intense emotions. That is a problem in itself. I don’t think most men realize how many women walk around with painful memories.
I spoke a great deal with Maggie about this comment from my friend, Deb on the Rocks:
I have never been quite sure if your crushes, your proclamations about women’s physical attributes, and your impulsivity/agressiveness on Twitter was humor or truth. People convinced me it was humor. Now I’m confused again, because it’s the same type of sexualize/rejection-fueled impulsivity that you describe here. We’re all works in progress, and I understand writers documenting those truths. I’d like to understand more.
This comment bothered me, because it is about NOW, not the past. I appreciate her being honest, and giving me something to think about. I am much more likely to say something stupid or demeaning on Twitter than ever be physically abusive with a woman. That’s just not me. But I do talk a lot. Do I exhibit aggression towards women online? Do I sexualize women in my jokes? Would you like me to be more business-like on Twitter? You would be a better judge than I am. I’m here to learn.
If you would like to speak to me on the phone or Skype later in the day about anything, email me.
And Kelly/Trish – I am putting back the stuff I edited out.