the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Hi, Mom

This morning, I was awoken by the voice of God.

“Neil, it is Mother’s Day.  Did you call your mother?”

“Nah.  What for?  It’s a dumb holiday.  I’ll call her tomorrow.”

“But Neil, you must congratulate her.  It is your duty.  After all, you have the best mother that I have ever created.”

“C’mon, God.  Let’s not go overboard.  Sure, she’s nice and funny, but there are billions of mothers out there.  How can you really say that she is the “best?”  Her cooking is pretty bad.  And she  refuses to watch the last ten minutes of the American Idol elimination night because it makes her “too nervous.”  That’s just weird.”

“I am the God of your Forefathers.  Of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  When I say that she is the best mother, I mean it.  I do not lie or do punk’d pranks like that crazy Kabbalah guy, Ashton Kutcher.  I speak the truth.”

“OK, bigshot.  Give me a sign.  A miracle.  Something that proves that you truly are all powerful.  Like a burning bush.”

“What are you crazy?  In Southern California.  One burning bush will cause a whole forest fire!  Can’t you come up with something a little bit less drama-queenish?”

“Hmmm… Ok, here’s  a challenge that is pretty impossible, even for you — let me see Julie Andrews, the biggest shiksa in the world, sing a song in Yiddish.  Only that will prove to me YOUR TRUE POWER!”

“I am the Lord, the One, and I shall produce this miracle!  Get ready to call your mother.”

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!


  1. flutter

    I’m sorry, I had something to say and now all I can think of is Julie Andrews singing in Yiddish

  2. ekramer

    loved it

  3. AnnieH(the other Annie)

    All the troubles in the world and this is the miracle you ask for???
    Happy Mother’s Day Mama Neilochka:>) Wishing you many, many more.

  4. Ellen Bloom

    OK. I apologize for my Twitter post. Julie Andrews singing in Yiddish is just tooooo divine! Tenx.

  5. Autrice

    I’m trembling in awe over God’s power. Next time, please ask for something less scary!

  6. Lori Anderson

    THAT is hilarious! All day long I kept chanting in my head, “Don’t forget to call your mom, don’t forget to call your mom,” because, yeah, I often forget.

  7. Annie

    Happy Mother’s day,to Neil’s Mom!
    Sweet post, Neil

  8. Annie

    P.S. Thanks for the shout out with the blog crush, If I had known I would have written better posts the last few days :-).

  9. teahouseblossom

    Whoa! This is so strange!!

    Happy Mother’s Day, Neil. And from what you’ve told me, it does sound like you have the best mother ever.

  10. churlita

    You are lucky to have such a wonderful mom. I’m glad you appreciate her. Now, if you could appreciate the Julie Andrews singing in Yiddish video a little less, we’ll be all set.

  11. Joie at Canned Laughter

    Love this post. By the way I thought you might be interested in this article re: Holocaust deniers on Facebook (Further evidence Facebook is an Abomination).
    Oh? and for my money you can’t beat Eartha Kitt in Yiddish.

  12. Lynda

    I think I have seen that movie before. Thoroughly Modern Millie, I believe.

    Hope your mom had a great mother’s day!

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