I tried to be funny in today’s post, but NOTHING. Imagine you’re a man and you’re in bed with the most beautiful woman and she’s moving down your body with her hand, breasts, and mouth, and just NOTHING. Nothing but anxiety and stress. Not that I would know anything about that, but I’m just using this as an example to help you understand my dilemma about being “funny” today.
I’ve been so stressed out for the last couple of weeks. Desperate times require desperate measures.
I haven’t smoked a joint since I was fourteen years old (even then I was wimpy and didn’t really inhale (just like President Clinton — I totally believed him!). For some reason, because of Sophia’s surgery, I thought it would be good idea to smoke a joint today and do some relaxing with Pink Floyd on the “stereo.” Of course, I’m too cheap to actually buy marijuana, so I got together some “virtual pot.” And you know what — I’d like to share it with YOU — because I’m sure you can use some today, as well. Who wants to be sitting in the office on a Wednesday afternoon?
Mom, even you can “burn one” (that’s pot slang for smoking) if you want. I think I may even have some real pot in the back of my underwear drawer left over from years ago.
(If you are a teenager and reading this blog, please do not try any of my virtual pot without your mother’s permission. Or wait until she is totally high and will let you do anything.)
OK, I’m smoking my joint now. Oh, that was good. Oh, man, I am so high. I just want to take off all my clothes and eat potato chips. I love the Dark Side of the Moon! It speaks to me!
Who am I passing the joint to next?