I was in Starbucks with a female friend. We were both reading the LA Times. I saw this article that for some reason amused me. I showed it to my friend.
A show promoter labeled a "Grinch" by prosecutors for selling tickets to thousands of children for a nonexistent Christmas pageant was sentenced Wednesday to more than seven years in prison.
The judge told David Lee Ellisor that his actions were "reprehensible."
Ellisor, 52, was convicted in February of eight counts of mail fraud for a December 2003 scam in which he sold $10 tickets to more than 2,700 Miami-Dade County schoolchildren and parents for a "Christmas Around the World" show. He claimed that it would be attended by ambassadors from 28 countries and feature live reindeer.
Hundreds of children were left crying outside the Coconut Grove Convention Center when they learned that there would be no show.
Trial evidence indicated that Ellisor emptied the show’s bank account to buy a luxury car the day the show was to begin.
My friend tossed the paper aside.
"That’s terrible."
"Terrible?" I asked. "They shouldn’t even convict this guy. I think they should give him a medal for educating our youth about what real life is going to be like."
She did not find this amusing. Oh, one detail I forgot. She was there with her baby. This woman used to be very funny. Now she is always very serious. She wakes up every morning and puts on a CD of Mozart, so the baby will grow up cultured.
I don’t know if it was this experience, or hearing about all you teachers out there getting a new year of school underway, but I’ve been thinking about kids today. And I’m not sure you’re going to like what I say.
As someone who doesn’t have any children, I think it gives me a unique opportunity to tell the truth: they are incredibly cute, but also pretty obnoxious — particularly from ages 3-12. I mean, kids are great, but when did children become the center of our existence? Do we really need to play Mozart to our babies from birth? Do parents really need to devote all their energy for the next 18 years — just to make sure the child gets into Harvard?
In the past, it used to be that kids were seen but not heard. I was an only child. As a stereotypical only child, I was independent and spoiled — but I always knew my place in the hierarchy of the household. My parents ruled. Now, kids rule the household. They tell their parents what to buy. There are even special marketing companies pushing kids to get their parents to buy them products like Fruit Loops and video games.
I think our culture took a nosedive during the "We are the World" era. All those stupid songs like "The children are our future." Whose future? Theirs… not mine. Let’s clean up the environment so I don’t have to breathe the fumes, not for some nebulous future of the "children." Do I always have to bend over backwards for "the children?" The "children" have ruined TV. Most TV sucks because — god forbid — some child might see something like Janet Jackson’s boob. Maybe I want to see Janet Jackson’s boob. Now, I’m never going to get a chance again because it might ruin the innocence of some bratty American child.
We somehow visualize children as pure and innocent. This doesn’t make any sense. We were all once children ourselves. Did we block out everything from our past? Don’t we remember ourselves as children? Pure and innocent? C’mon!
We were snot-dripping assholes!
Why are our children going to be any different?
I was about a good a kid as could be. I never cried or yelled in public. Why do kids scream so much in movie theaters and malls? Where are the parents?
A few months ago, writer Ayelet Waldman, wife of Pulitzer Prize winning writer Michael Chabon, wrote a controversial article in The New York Times where she said, "I love my husband more than I love my children."
I do love [my daughter]. But I’m not in love with her. Nor with her two brothers or sister. Yes, I have four children. Four children with whom I spend a good part of every day: bathing them, combing their hair, sitting with them while they do their homework, holding them while they weep their tragic tears. But I’m not in love with any of them. I am in love with my husband.
It is his face that inspires in me paroxysms of infatuated devotion. If a good mother is one who loves her child more than anyone else in the world, I am not a good mother. I am in fact a bad mother. I love my husband more than I love my children.
What’s wrong with that? Of course she loves her four children. She just doesn’t make them the center of her universe. Because of what she said, she got tons of hate mail. When she appeared on Oprah, many in the audience attacked her, accusing her of being a lousy mother and person.
Why shouldn’t the wife or husband come before the children? Isn’t that the person you married?
This "children first" attitude is not entirely new. When the boat is sinking, it’s always "women and children" first. But I understand that’s more of a male chivalry thing. Today, we go too far in idolizing the young. What really annoys me is when a hundred people die in a fire — including one child — and all the news media wants to talk about is this one child who died, as if his young age makes him more special to the world. How do we know that if this kid survived the fire, he wasn’t going to grow up to be a dunce? How do we know that the middle-aged guy who also died wasn’t about to discover the cure for cancer?
Do all you mothers and teachers hate me yet?
I used to feel the same way, then I had kids, now I cut them and their parents a hell of a lot more slack than before. I think the old “seen but not heard” mode has led to a lot of neurotic parents who will do anything to not repeat the mistakes of their fathers and mothers. You may not be in love with your kids like your spouse, but the two of you better be on the same page and not view your kids as a burden to be farmed out to others when convenient. But you should be killed if you take your screaming brats to the movies.
Neil,
It is clear you are trying to cultivate that bad boy image women love so much.
But it’s also obvious that no matter how hard you try, your adoring readers continue to adore you.
I think you may have to stab a bunny to actually piss someone off.
Absolutely right, Helena. I wasn’t getting anywhere being the “nice” guy. Wait until you read my upcoming post on my opinions of those “cute kittens” you always see on people’s blogs. I say — throw them out the window and see if they really have nine lives?
I look forward to your post about kittens (since I despise cats).
Well, I’m not a parent, but I’m a teacher so I feel qualified to comment. Kids are great and need to be protected and nurtured, but they sure as hell shouldn’t be raised as a parent’s “friend.” Why do so many parents nowadays seem to care more that their child likes him/her rather than whether or not that child is being brought up with values and morals?
I taught high school freshman and SWORE I would never return to teaching (yes, I ate my words). What was most difficult was the lack of support from parents. Although I had one or two parents who would back me up when I called home to discuss a problem student, the majority of parents treated me with the “my child could never do wrong” attitude. Of course, it was always those kids who were the worst in class!
I totally agree with whomever made the comment about the pendulum swinging to the other extreme. I think we’ve hit about as far to the extreme opposite of “seen not heard” as we can get. There was a purpose in making children a more prominent figure in our lives, but it has gotten way out of control.
Of course, I say this as a woman with no kids. If I ever have kids I’ll probably end up being one of those disgusting parents without a backbone now that I’ve written this long comment!
After reading your post again, and the responses of your readers, I have changed my mind. Kids suck. I hate all kids. Whoever invented kids was an idiot. Kids are annoying. Well, not my kids. They’re all little angels. But other kids are all bad. Neil, I’m sure if you had kids, they’d be loud and annoying, and I appreciate your consideration in not having any. You’re a good guy, and a Landsman to boot.
Now, don’t get me started on kittens…
Damn, Megan, another incompatibility. Woody, Marty, Stanley and Jodie have been my faithful companions for years.
Damn it, Neil, you’re not Jewish? So my little ironic comment lost it’s sting?
Fun, fun, Mr. Controversy. If anyone wants to read the column Ayelet wrote about her cute husband, it’s in the NYT archives, but I’m too lazy to look it up for you.
Oh Jason, I’m a dog lover and a cat hater. You’re right, we could never be. Well, the fact that you’re married might make things difficult, too.
I guess this means my blog-heart belongs to Neil! LOL
Cats are filthy animals and no I don’t need to defend my decision to be a parent. I made it and was very comfortable doing it.
But it is not for everyone.
I’m totally surprised about how touchy parents are about this subject… whatever the subject was originally. Parents, we love you! But since Jack and Psychotoddler are both kosher, maybe they just haven’t been lucky enough to experience a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. I suggest you both go to one this weekend and see if you come back with a different opinion on today’s children.
what the hell? you are sooo popular. 61 comments? is that like a new record or something? keep up the entertaining read. =)
Neil,
I have been to a million parties at Chuck E. Cheese. For that matter conservatively speaking within the past 5 years I have been to around 38 parties.
But I only have two kids and PT has 6 so I defer to his wisdom on this.
In all sincerity I suspect that we can find many historical references that list how bad children are compared to the past.
There is nothing new with this. Kohelet said it best when he said that there was nothing new under the sun.
I don’t have time to read all your comments on this post now, but…
As a parent, I both agree AND disagree with you.
I see parents hovering over their kids, trying to prevent any disappointment and hurt from coming their way. Yes, I agree… too much. People do it with dogs, too. I know what you mean.
However, there are times when kids should come first. When they’re sick, don’t drag them around because it’s convenient for you. Or neglect them.
Like anything, it’s about moderation. Kids aren’t a hobby to devote yourself to… they are people. The goal of a parent should be to design your own obsolescence.
Does that make sense? Sorry… I’m in a hurry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah… ubermilf. Gotta take the kids to school, to soccer practice, then ballet class… as if blogging wasn’t as important.
Neil the pot stirrer!
Although I don’t have children of my own, I worked with kids for years. I have seen the over developed kid centric dynamic up close, and it sucks. It makes for bratty and unpleasant kids. I often saw parents spoil their children in an attempt to make up for not being around, always off at work. I’ve also seen unhappy parents have kids just because it’s the thing to do. Sad for the kids, they’re the monster brats showing up on television programs like Mtv’s “Sweet Sixteen.”
The important thing here is that Ms. Waldman got on Oprah. Ka-ching.
is simple. your kids are spoiled brats who take there lead from holiwood jerks which are nothing but a bunch of morons who live in la la land….
Wow! Lots of comments here. I have 3 kids and 1 bonus kid. Its hard and wonderful. Not wonderland but at the same time I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
I see the parents’ role as just that. Parents. Not friends, not buddies, not a wallet or the problem fixer. We are teachers, the guides, the boundry makers, the stable ones who guide them to be successful people with self esteem and tools to make it in the rest of their lives.
It is hard and it is fun too. It is NOT a competion with others. That is my biggest complaint with some parents. Kids are not a reflection of the parent. They are as far as you can tell when there is no parenting happening but you parent for the kid – for no one else!!!
It really sucks when parents have kids and then have no time to parent. The kids suffer and society does too.
It’s a hard job and one I take seriously.
I am in love with my husband and love all my kids at the same time.
cinski
I agree with your thoughts. After listening to Ayelet Waldman on Oprah, I have changed my priorities. I absolutely love my daughter, but her father is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. She will have to leave my home and start a family of her own one day.
I would like to change one thing ZZAKK said in the pecking order list. Pets should be moved down the list to number 5, putting animals before people concerns me no matter how much we don’t get along with our in-laws.
God Bless You for saying what REALLY NEEDS to be said….
I couldnt agree more that we have become a sickeningly child-centered society…everything today is made to be about brats and its gotten out of control. I read about five people killed in a car crash the other day and all the emphasis was that three were kids…so what about the two adults? Are they chopped liver?
Whats up with all this anyway? My theory? Its all a big cash grab..guilt parents into spoiling them rotten and spending tons of money doing it.
Its all about their self-esteem and creativity…what it should be about is discipline, manners, and respect for others.
Parents are too afraid of breaking little Brat’s “spirit” so “Brat” grows up thinking he/she is the centre of the universe and all adults are idiots.
We all suffer in the end.
Okay, I’m done……….
I agree with everyone that doesn’t hate this article.