New York is amazing.  Once you think you’ve seen it all, there’s another “secret place” to discover.  Luckily, I know Jake, the ultimate New York hipster, who can get me into any club, no matter who is on the VIP list.

Last night, we took a cab up to Harlem, to this little club as far away from the tourists as possible.  This club doesn’t even have a sign outside.  They don’t want anyone from New Jersey there.  You either know about this hot spot, or you are just a loser. 

Outside the club, a bouncer stands, watching every move.  If the cops wanted to, they could close this illegal “speakeasy” in a flash, but the club owner knows how to grease the wheels, so to speak.  Every cool person in town knows about this club.  And now I do.  Please do not send me emails asking me to tell you where it is.  As if one of YOU is cool enough to go to this club.  Even if Dooce commented on one of my posts, I wouldn’t tell her either.

The interior of the club is dark and rich with atmosphere.  There are many “ethnic” types mingling about, providing some local color.  The place has the smell of illicit activity.  A top band, whose name I cannot tell you, plays some tunes. 

But the real draw to this secret speakeasy is what makes it so illegal.  It is the sensuality of sin.  The erotic nature of the forbidden fruit.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, in this club, the food served is still prepared using trans fats, despite the prohibition.

The New York City Board of Health voted yesterday to adopt the nation’s first major municipal ban on the use of… trans fats in restaurant cooking, a move that would radically transform the way food is prepared in thousands of restaurants, from McDonald’s to fashionable bistros to Chinese take-outs.

But the elite and trendsetters of “The Greatest City on Earth” march to their own culinary drummer.   Thus the trans fat speakeasy was born.

“Let the “bridge and tunnel crowd” eat soy-corn blend cooking oil when they go out,” said popular socialite/performance artist Oman Ginsberg. 

“I don’t care.  The fried chicken here is the best in the world” said club promoter/rapper/DJ Mr. Def-X, as an ambulance drove him to Mount Sinai Hospital after his massive heart attack.

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  A Chicken Sausage for One of the Mishpucha