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I was going to live-blog the 2007 Academy Awards telecast, but I noticed that at least two thousand other bloggers were doing the same thing, so in my quest to be different, I will live-blog the 1987 Academy Awards show.

00:24 –Dianne Wiest wins Best Supporting Actress for “Hannah and her Sisters!”  Big surprise.  Ha Ha. And where’s Woody?  I bet any blogger ten bucks that Michael Caine wins Best Supporting Actor.

01:02 — Where’s my money?!  I was right.  Michael Caine redeems himself for Jaws 3!  Is this going to be a Hannah sweep?  And what the HELL was Faye Dunaway wearing?  Bob Mackie again?  You could practically see her nipples!

01:44 — Oh, my god.  Marlee Matlin wins best actress for “Children of a Lesser God.”  I don’t care if she’s deaf.  She’s HOT!  I mean in a way where I can actually visualize her going out with me, unlike Lauren Hutton.

02:10  — That dance number is just plain embarrassing.  I’m embarrassed for the dancers.  I think I even saw Goldie Hawn yawning.

02: 34 — That song from “Top Gun?”  Best song?  How lame is the academy anyway?

02: 55 — Paul Newman is a great actor, but he doesn’t deserve it for “The Color of Money.”  That movie sucked worse than his Ranch Dressing.  And I don’t like Tom Cruise AT ALL.  I think his career is going to fizzle out very soon.  Or he’s going to drop out of show business and join some cult.

03:13 — Is Warren Beatty drunk?  Will he EVER settle down?

03:45 — Jack… Jack… Jack… loved that exchange with Cher!  That was the best part of the show.

03:57 — Chevy Chase is the best host EVER!

04:12 — Yawn.  Please end.  Please end.

04:30 — OK, get ready for “A Room with a View”… to win…  or “Hannah” maybe… “Platoon?!”  “Platoon?!” WTF!   The Academy… always with their “message” film.  How predictable.   No wonder Woody never shows up.

04:32 — This was the most boring Oscars I’ve ever seen.  I hope one day… maybe twenty years from now, when there is a whole new generation of filmmakers, that the Oscars show will actually be interesting…

A Year Ago on Citizen of the MonthDavid Sedaris Ruined My Blog