Every day, I receive an email from a different male blogger, always with the same complaint, “No women ever read my blog.  How do you get so many hot chicks to read Citizen of the Month?”

Men, take note.  This is the most important post that you will ever read.  My female readership is no accident.  It took years of experimentation and market research.  Most men make one major mistake when wooing a woman online:  they act as if they are wooing themselves. 

Here are three common ways that men act online, thinking they are impressing women.  Contrast these loser techniques with the NEILOCKA METHOD of successfully wooing a female blogger.

BAD TECHNIQUE 1

Write a post about how many “followers” you have on Twitter.

C’mon.  Seriously.  Who gives a sh*t?  Think about what women REALLY want —

NEILOCHKA’S SUCCESSFUL TECHNIQUE 1

Write a post about exotic sandwiches at an imaginary deli where no one gains any weight.

BAD TECHNIQUE 2

Message a cute mommyblogger, telling her that despite having three children, she still has amazing tits.

Women today do not like to be thought of as “a pair of tits.”   They are educated individuals who work hard on their careers and raising their children.

NEILOCHKA’S SUCCESSFUL TECHNIQUE 2

Message a cute mommyblogger, asking about her work and her three children, remembering each child’s name, and then telling her that despite having three adorable children — Aaron Jr., Millie, and Martha — she still has amazing tits.

BAD TECHNIQUE 3

E-mail a photo of your penis, making sure it is shot from a low angle to make it seem the size of one of the Transformers.

Believe it or not, women hate this.  It sends the message  that in any relationship, you will always be more in love with your penis than her.

NEILOCHKA’S SUCCESSFUL TECHNIQUE 2

Show her what you can do for HER with your fingers based on your nerdy skill of Japanese Pen Twirling.  Geeks rule!