the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

One Week Journal

Sunday, January 24, 2010

I want to try an experiment.  I’m only going to write one post this week, the one you are reading right now, but I will be updating it each night until next Sunday.  It will be a seven night long post.


I’m attracted to the idea because it is counter-intuitive.  I don’t think this idea will attract readers, and the updates won’t show up in the Google Reader.

“So, what’s the point?”

The idea scares me.  And I like that.  Because I will be writing this for YOU.  And by YOU, I mean ME.

I took this photo in the hospital today.   Sophia’s FIL is still in the hospital.   I spent the day there with Sophia’s mother.  Things became worse because he had a heart attack on Friday night.  This has been a three week ordeal now.    When I first made my plans to come to LA, it was discuss our relationship.   Instead, stress has moved into our home with us, like termites of the soul, eating away at the foundation of everything.

Monday, January 25, 2010

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  1. sassy

    Maybe I’m a contradictory sort, but this does interest me.

    Does this mean you are really going to say what is going on? (I always want the dirt Neil…)

    Those machines scare me.

  2. Neil

    Sassy — I don’t like those machines either, and I felt guilty taking the photo, but I was intrigued by blinking lights.

    Not sure. Just never kept a diary. Blogging started out as journaling, but never really used it for that.

    My big fear is that I am feeling a little down this week, and who wants to read that? What people write to themselves is different than what they write for an audience.

  3. Neil

    You ever keep a diary, Sassy?

  4. Karl

    Great idea, Neil. I like it a lot. Sorry about Sofia’s FIL. got my fingers crossed. And I’m sorry I’ve been so absent.

  5. sassy

    Yeah, I kept a diary, but that was years ago, before blogs. Weird thing is, I had this habit of writing in my diary, which of course only I knew about, as if it were for a larger audience.

    Twice, it was found out by someone. Once, when I was a teenager. Oh, and there was one of ‘those’ secrets, you know, the kind that can destroy a family in it. And it did.

    The second time I left it at a friend’s house and her older brother read it. I was twenty, and was mortified. I had this tiny crush on him and had even written about it. Oh, with a line graph illustrating his progression/decline on the hotness scale as he aged into manliness & began losing his hair.

    He said (when he confessed to having read it) that it was quite ‘user friendly’.

    I think that’s why I prefer spilling my guts on my the internet now. I’d rather bare myself publicly than have it done by another when I am not expecting it.

    Blabblabla, this comment is inappropriately long, but I’m looking forward to what your guts have to say.

  6. lisa

    Be kind to Sophia, the pain is intense. The people she loves are suffering. The people you love are suffering. Support her for all the things you once loved, believe me, she needs you regardless of your marital status. These circumstances will show what metal you are made of.

  7. Chris

    I’m sorry about Sophia’s FIL. I’ll follow your journal this week. Makes me feel a little nosy, but I’ve read your blog for long enough that I’m invested and interested. I hope the week goes okay… you can reserve the right to change your mind.

  8. sarah g

    good. i miss these types of updates. i’m still praying for you all, and I agree with lisa. Please, be kind to Sophia, and may she be kind to you. Rely on each other and allow suffering and pain to bring you closer not put a wedge. ..and unfortunately..more people are drawn to those who are ‘down’ than to those who are ‘up’; at least to read or watch.

  9. Finn

    Interesting idea. I will hold comments until the last entry.

  10. Titanium

    The things people write to themselves are poignant, visceral and often hard to read and to write. Thanks for letting us quietly hang out with you.

  11. Danny

    “My big fear is that I am feeling a little down this week, and who wants to read that?”

    Answer: EVERYONE!

  12. AnnieH(the other Annie)

    I like this idea, and very, very sorry to hear about Sophia’s father. Be careful with the photos–not generally allowed in hospitals. That said, it’s a great shot.
    Whatever reasons brought you to LA originally, I think it’s a blessing that you are there now. This is the real stuff of life, as painful, confusing, absurd,surreal, and loving as it is. Again, please give an extra hug to your family from a stranger in the midwest and I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

  13. Pearl

    Sending positive vibes your way, Neil. Glad that you have been able to help Sophia, her mother and father-in-law with your presence. That is the greatest present/gift of al.

  14. Pearl

    oops: “…of all.”

  15. Denise

    Looking forward to following along. I feel like this post is going to get better. Starting from the bottom up. Fist bump Neil (but really I’d rather give you a hug).

  16. 180|360

    so sorry to hear about the heart attack, neil. hope things start to look up from here.

    but i like the idea of trying something different.

  17. girlvaughn

    I like the idea and I agree 100% with Danny’s comment… my only concern is that I read your blog in Google Reader and it only gives me the first one and not the updates and I have a terrible memory so I may not remember to check back in.

    Sending positive thoughts to you and your inlaws at the hospital. I love that picture even though it is scary as hell.

  18. Gwen

    there’s nothing like stress to make the status of a relationship less clear. be kind to yourself, neil. i’m sorry this is so tough right now.

  19. pia

    I think the once a week post updated every day is brilliant and wish I thought of it. Might steal it and give you credit as I do have a need to blog just not play the games

    About Sophia. I’m so sorry. I know you will make the time for Sophia a bit less stressful. Maybe it’s good you’re there. I would want somebody who loves me even if our relationship was totally on the rocks

  20. sarah g

    you’ve slacked at this update every day thing 🙂 Unless you’re doing it tonight..

  21. teahouseblossom

    I’m sorry about your FIL, Neil. I hope he isn’t in pain.

  22. 4One_Power

    Keep writing Neil. Keep updating. For this difficult life experience. My soul aches for you and your family.

  23. this new place

    Oh no, I’m sorry. So so sorry. That is tough for all of you.

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