the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

A Movie, Popcorn, and a Bed

I was complaining to someone on Twitter a few days ago that I might use my time on my own as a “bachelor” to do a few of the things that I missed in my youth.  I have a long list of missed opportunities, many of which — had I accomplished them – would have given me more confidence and helped me gain the important social skills that create success.

My life might be different if I followed a different path.  I was a late bloomer.  I have a friend who was married with child by the time I had an opportunity (and the nerve) to touch some serious boobie.  I didn’t go to my prom.  I wasn’t in a fraternity.  I’ve never been to a toga party.  I’ve never drank so much warm beer from a keg that I passed out on the floor (what fun!)  I’ve never had sex with a complete stranger.  I’ve never kissed a girl at lookout point.  I’ve never streaked through campus.  I’ve never been to a drive-in. 

And I’ve ALWAYS wanted to go to a drive-in movie!

Luckily, Marilyn told me about a way where I can do ALL of these AT ONCE.  So, forget flying to San Francisco for BlogHer.  Next month, I am flying to Monte Vista, Colorado to stay several nights at the Best Western Kelloff’s Movie Manor Motor Inn on U.S. Highway 160.

KELLOFF’S BEST WESTERN MOVIE MANOR IS THE WORLD’S ONLY MOVIE MOTEL! Our Inn offers a unique concept in accommodations. Your room faces a giant outdoor movie screen and sound is piped into your room.

This summer if you want to see a movie on a big screen, but don’t want to get out of bed, then plan a stay at the Best Western Movie Manor Motor Inn. The Movie Manor provides rooms with speakers and a large picture window that faces a drive-in theatre screen. If you want snacks, mosey on over to our snack bar for popcorn, pop, candy and all sorts of goodies.

Can you imagine how innovative this is?  It is a motel built around a DRIVE-IN!  You can have a toga party IN YOUR ROOM (sheets included with motel stay), get food and a few KEGS for the wild party from the snack bar, and then kick everyone out of the room before movie time — except for the hottest babe, hopefully a complete stranger!  Then, it is just two of you, snuggling in bed, still in your togas, getting all passionate as you watch some bad movie playing outside your window at the drive-in. 

And you don’t even have to drive her to a motel afterwards!  You’re already there!

Then my life will be complete, and I can stop going to therapy.


  1. AnnieH

    This sounds like the plot for a movie at a drive-in. Scantily clad teenage starlets. Claw hand man with bad skin. Lots of blood and screaming and running in high heels and falling down. Going into dark empty rooms that a moron wouldn’t enter. The Archies. B movies’ finest.

  2. Fiesty Charlie

    When I was a kid, I lived in a trailer next to a drive in, and my room faced the screen.

    I was about 10 years old and found out there were “special movies” played after midnight… Let me just say I was educated, and never knew 2 girls could do “THAT” until then… LOL

    I wonder if it could be the reason I am a lesbian? What do you think? {wink}

    I hope you have fun on your wild adventure… take pictures, um, then again…. DON’T!! {grin}

  3. Christine

    Just make sure those Toga sheets don’t have bedbugs. I hear they’re making a comeback (and not in the good John Travolta way).

    Only because I care.

  4. natalie

    since living in turkey i have stayed in some pretty questionable accommodations. i think i would probably sleep just about anywhere. but i do have to say that i agree with christine. the bedding at that hotel looks questionable so you might want to bring your own. especially if you are planning on wearing it!

    um…and i am noticing that the parking lot is empty. i would think a picture with the parking lot full of cars would help the place sell a little better.

    i’m just saying…

  5. kenju

    You led a deprived childhood if you never went to a drive-in; either that – or you were born too late. I spent nearly every summer weekend night at a drive-in movie during high school and college. Never saw one with it’s own motel, though, and I’m sorry about that….LOL

  6. Robb

    Little motel… In the middle of nowhere… Not another person in sight… Drive in movie… Sounds like popcorn night at Bates Motel. Have fun with the “drunken busty stranger in a toga movie party”, but you may want to think twice before taking a shower…

  7. Memarie Lane

    I could have written that second paragraph myself. I seem to have grown up in a protective bubble. While all my friends were getting up to trouble on the Marine base, I was working or writing or sitting on top of a hill somewhere. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 23, I’ll have to write about that sometime, it was pretty funny.

  8. HRH @ June Cleaver Nirvana

    That is the coolest place ever. It may even take over my top random place of all time which was a store in Oregon that rented movies, sold pizza and….hot tubs. I smell a field trip…

  9. sa_scully/nichole

    Drive in theaters are so… summer in America. It’s sad that they almost don’t exist anymore. Putting a motel in the middle of a drive in parking lot is far better than having flea markets there every weekend!

  10. cruisin-mom

    neil, face it…you’re too old to experience all these things.

  11. unfinishedperson

    I so envy you, Mr. Kramer. No, not for being a loser who had never been to a drive-in movie before 🙂 but for being able to go to this place.

    If they have the kind of movies that they usually have available at seedy motels, it could be a virtual circle jerk for lonely businessmen, couldn’t it? *shudder*

  12. Annie

    Is this for real? I never did any of those things either, except the drive in, which I went to a lot as a child.
    The other things on your list don’t even sound fun to me :-), but you have a good time Neil.

  13. miguelina

    I honestly thought you had made up the sales copy. I’d bring a sleepsack.

  14. better safe than sorry

    i’ve done about half the things on your list. very common stuff when you’re a certain age. why don’t you come up with a list of things that you’ve done, see how we do against your list? i know myself that i’ve read lots of things that you do that make me feel envious.

  15. anon

    Mr. Ochka,

    The road to self-confidence is, for some, a self built bridge. Shaky and long. Over a deep canyon.

    In a similar vein, they say you should always dress projecting where you want to be instead of where you are today. This motel looks like it’s on a road to nowhere. But honestly, wouldn’t you need a lot of confidence to get there?

    I have no advice on whether you should bring the Nehru.

  16. AnnieH

    This is a Nehru kind of joint if ever there was one. Excellent suggestion, Anon.

  17. Chag

    Growing up, there was an X-rated drive-in in our town. You could sit up on a nearby hill and see everything.

    I miss those days.

  18. Neil


    There IS an active Drive-in still operating in the Los Angeles area, and it looks like a nice one – in Montclair, near Pasadena!

    May I suggest that every blogger in the California area meet there for the screening of Mama Mia sometime in August.

    Making out in the car is not included.

  19. V-Grrrl

    Popcorn in bed, salt between the sheets. Ewwww.

    I went to the drive in. I remember when they went from having the little speakers next to your car window to broadcasting on an AM station you could pick up on your car radio. I also remember the guy that took me to my first drive-in movie. Sigh.

  20. formerlyfun

    Latebloomers rule, toga-wearing frat boys drool.

  21. Baroness von Bloggenschtern

    Oh my dear lord. In a never-ending quest for the Kitsch Capitals of the World (yes, big K,C and W – it’s that important), I will be marking down this Colorado treasure on the list of must-sees. With enough clever marketing, this could become the new Burning Man. Thanks so much for the heads up, babe!

  22. Christy

    Should I even tell you all that I have done every single thing on that list, except that I was a little sister of a fraternity? I even did IT at the drive-in. Well, too late now.

  23. Mike F

    Save the airfare and go to New Jersey! The Delsea Drive in. For us it’s half way to the shore. I’ve never been but it looks fun.

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