the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Why You All Suck Compared to My Mother

Email this morning:

Subject:  Call Me!

From:  Elaine Kramer

Call me when you get up.  Want to know how you feel.   Are you still coughing and sneezing?  Are you taking any medicine?  I worry about you.   My direct phone number is 1-212-xxx- xxxx or you can call 1-212-xxx-xxxx and get Audrey at the desk who will connect me with you, or you can call me on the cellphone at 1-718-xxx-xxxx, or later at home at 1-718-xxx-xxxx.

Your mother

A Year Ago On Citizen of the Month:  Talking Guns with NSC


  1. churlita

    I do suck compared to your mom. I don’t know if I’ve ever asked you how you felt. On the flip side, have you ever asked me that? It’s all about reciprocity…Except with your mom.

  2. Neil

    That is true, Churlita. How are you today?

  3. sizzle

    Moms are supposed to be the best when it comes to babying us when we are sick.

    I don’t even have as many phone numbers as your Mom anyhow. I could never measure up!

  4. Rhea

    I wish I’d had a nice mom like that.

  5. Pearl

    You can mail a man cod liver oil but you can’t make him take it…

    hope you’re feeling better soon Neil.

  6. Dagny

    What? This is how it’s supposed to work? I’m going to have to have a long chat with my mom on this topic.

  7. 180/360

    Ahh…. what a nice mom.

  8. Chag

    Dude, you suck! You obviously don’t know your mother’s phone number(s).

    Get well soon.

  9. -RM

    I like how she gives you her cell phone and her home phone number…I’d be even more surprised if you don’t have those. Hope you feel better!

  10. iamthediva

    your mom is awesome.
    and i hope you’re feeling better.

  11. Neil

    I’m feeling so shitty, that I’m forcing myself to look at naked women online… and I don’t even care. They mean nothing to me. Zilch. I just want to go to bed and cover myself and sleep for the next few……………………

  12. Bec

    That is so unbelievably cute! Aw bless!

  13. gorillabuns

    Yea, why so many numbers? and don’t you already have these numbers?

    Get to feeling better soon!

  14. Rattling the Kettle

    Mothers. She could have spared the melodrama and just called *you*.

  15. HeyJoe

    Well, did you call her Neilochka? You certainly have no excuses about not being able to reach her.

  16. Neil

    Rattling — That’s what I said. Mothers are such drama queens.

  17. plain jane

    And you love every moment of the dram–if it is focused on your well-being!

    Hope you feel better soon; I’m sick too and I’m not a happy camper.

  18. Scarlet

    Oh so sweet! And I hope you’re feeling better.

  19. V-Grrrl

    The only person who fusses over me when I’m sick is my 10-year-old daughter. She’s going to be Jewish mother one day…

  20. Atomic Bombshell

    Wow. No wonder you’re so spoiled.

  21. Stacey

    Did you get a care package from her yet?

    Feel better!

  22. AnnieH

    I’m reading between the lines here and predict there will be some food sent your way by a certain Mama-rama. Hope you feel better soon. It sounds like you’re fairly miserable. Have you ever tried frozen gingerale??–pour gingerale in an ice cube tray and freeze…easy way to keep getting some fluids in you. Take care.

  23. better safe than sorry

    my kids want me to learn how to text message, they text me but i always have to wait until i get home and then they show me how to check it, just one more option she might need to learn to cover all of the bases.
    does she really sign herself as “your mother”?

  24. Judy

    It occurred to me this morning as I prepared breakfast for Son No. 2 (aka the Jewish prince- age 17)to deliver it to his room that your mother’s email portends my future.

    I wonder if I am making his future wife miserable by waiting on him – I am thinking yes.

  25. bookfraud

    i tried calling 212-xxx-xxxx and 718-xxx-xxxx, and it turned out to be all nines. as in “212-999-9999.” your mother isn’t at that number!

    on the other hand, i do suck compared to your mother.

  26. cruisin-mom

    “I’m feeling so shitty, that I’m forcing myself to look at naked women online”
    Neil, you are so brave…no wonder your mom is so proud of you.

  27. Ariel

    You mean your mother is on e-mail and cares? Sheesh… can I borrow her please? The most mine can manage is a one-liner without punctuation or space called “news” and berating me sternly [this is just one line, remember, so eahc word must pack a punch] about not having been in touch. I am insanely jealous as well as a lonely, neglected only child. Get well soon Neil, as I take it this post means you are ailing somewhat.

  28. Violet The Verbose

    Awwwwwwwww, that is so sweet. Can I borrow your mom too? ‘Cause I go to great lengths not to tell my mom when anybody at my house is sick (and we’ve been the House of Plague since November) because she freaks out at me and tells me it’s awful and basically makes it sound like it’s all my fault. Sigh. You’ve got it good.

  29. Shannon

    Yeah well can your mom make a tasty tray of cinnamon chocolate chip cookies? humm, humm, hummm?

  30. piglet

    i’m interviewing for new moms, due to the fact that my madre lacked these nurturing qualities. your mom appears to be a good candidate. the plus side of this is that my son gets all that special mothering i never received and in my madre’s words, “you treat that boy like he’s jesus christ” like it was a bad thing.

  31. just the three of us ladies

    my mom would just ask me if I prayed about it.

  32. HRH @ June Cleaver Nirvana

    All I can say is that I hope you called her. You don’t want to get that level of concern mad at you…

  33. TorontoPearl

    Due to Passover,I had to “pass over” reading your blog and commenting any earlier.
    It is quite clear, Neil, that your mother wanted you to contact her. Did you? HUH???
    Jewish guilt never hurt anyone.
    Hope you’re feeling better by now.

  34. Neil

    I am, thanks. And I did call my Mom. And Passover will be over soon. I hope you’re enjoying your holiday and matzoh brei.

  35. mp

    She didn’t give you her IM?wtf? Is she following you on twitter? Did she send a care package?

    I love mom’s. I’m 41 and if I have the sniffles she wants to send “daddy to get me some medicine”.. I have a husband and my daddy is 88..


  36. Ginormous Boobs

    Mom’s are the best. I would never know when it’s time to change the clocks back/forward unless my mom called the night before and told me.

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