the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Clinton or Obama?


In all my years of following politics, I don’t recall a Democratic race being so close and and so embittered as the current race between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.  Like in a Hollywood movie, these are two allies torn apart by the intensity of the political process.   Democrats usually rally behind a candidate by March.  Events are different this year.  Tensions are high as friends and families draw the lines in the sand — Clinton or Obama.  The Democratic Party has been splintered.  Liberals, progressives, men, women — these “categories” are now useless, as each demographic divides itself into smaller and smaller sub-groups.  Blacks, whites, Jews, union members — no one votes as a single bloc anymore.  Candidates and pollsters alike are scrambling to decipher what Democrats want and who to appeal to in this important election.

As of today, here is what the Democratic landscape looks like, according to the most recent polling:

Women over 50 who lived through the feminist movement:  Clinton

Women under 40 who know more about their vibrators than the feminist movement:  Obama

Voters who want change:  Obama

Voters who want change, but not as much as the other voters:  Clinton

Women who make over 100k — Clinton

Women who make over 100K but are divorced from a randy husband who was getting oral sex from his “intern” — Obama

Blacks who think Obama is too “white”  — Obama

Blacks who think Obama is too “black” — Obama

Blacks who owe favors to the Clintons — Clinton

Guilty Liberal Jews who say they love “rap music” just to look cool — Obama

Religious Jews who think Obama will nickname the White House the “First Mosque” — Clinton

Small Town Americans who have never met a black person, but feel comfortable with them  — Obama

Small Town Americans who have never met a black person, but still don’t like them — Clinton

Small Town Americans who have never met a black person, but still don’t like them, but have heard Clinton speaking on the TV — Obama

Misogynists — Obama

Racists — Clinton

Misogynists and Racists –  McCain

Misogynists and Racists who hate McCain – Clinton, because at least she doesn’t seem like a typical dame

Academics in Universities — Obama

Academics in Universities with Tenure — Ralph Nader (what do they care?!  They have a job!)

Asian male models who look gay, but aren’t — Obama

Women who buy Anne Taylor suits at the outlet mall — Clinton

Men who show their private parts on MySpace — Clinton

Men who go online and ask for photos of women in bras — Obama

Crest users — Obama

Colgate users — Clinton

Those who make love to Neil Diamond — Obama

Those who make love to Nine Inch Nails — Clinton

Those who know that Hillary Clinton and Hilary Duff spell their first name differently — Obama

Those who say, “Who’s Hillary Duff?” — Clinton

It is clear that this race is going down to the wire!


  1. RD

    I like Obama, and I’ve never had the urge to make love to Neil Diamond.

  2. teahouseblossom

    OMG..this is too hilarious.

    And I’m completely undecided as well. On Super Tuesday I voted for Edwards..even though he’d dropped out the week before, his name was still on the ballot in NY.

    It’s going to be an interesting race.

  3. Alice

    this is by far my favorite post so far on the democratic primaries. heee. hee hee. it’s funny because it’s true..

  4. Kathy

    Crest user who voted for Hilary. But only because the drugstore stopped selling my all-natural hippy brand of toothpaste. I have no idea what that says about my political leanings. (Closet Nader fan?)

  5. blackbird

    I think you are wrong on the music and toothpaste.
    But it doesn’t matter. I’m in Tuvalu.

  6. Pants

    Crap. We’re in big trouble…there are a lot of men who show their privates on myspace.

  7. Whit

    I drink to Neil Diamond and have sex to Nine Inch Nails. I’m still voting for Obama.

    While I’m here, if any of you women have pictures of you in a bra, please post.

  8. alejna

    That was one of the most useful analyses I’ve seen in ages. Or at least it made me giggle. Which I find useful. Or at least enjoyable.

  9. cc

    I’m not ashamed to say that I don’t vote. BUT if I did vote I’d vote for Obama.

    I remember being in 5th (’89/’90) grade and watching the election and telling the boys that one day a girl would be President. They didn’t believe me. But look at what’s happening now. A black guy, and a woman both running in the same year. And while I think Clinton may make a good President, I don’t think that this is her year.

    You can crucify me if you want to, but that is what I think.

  10. srah

    I work in a university and love Neil Diamond. How did you know?

  11. lfar

    Man, I fall into about 12 different categories. Good thing I don’t vote! (…in the American election) (… I’m Canadian)

  12. suburbancorrespondent

    Ha! That was good (and not even self-absorbed – you’re making progress!).

  13. Hilly

    People named Hilary — Obama.

  14. Marilyn

    Comment just above mine is one of my favorites. 🙂 Can only imagine what kind of madness you perceive seeing tweets like mine and the Queen’s flying back and forth these past months… 😉

  15. Nat

    Canadian who are glad they don’t have to pick but are worried because of Bush fiasco for the last 8 year and really hate Oprah — Obama

  16. Marilyn

    Oops, another one slipped in…I meant the ‘people named Hilary voting for Obama’ one.

  17. Alison

    That is the most coherent analysis I’ve seen in a long while. Bravo, Neil.

  18. mckay

    how about if you photoshop the two and have a clinbama?

    you should try your hand at speech writing. politics needs a new groove.

  19. Kerri Anne

    I’m in the making love to Neil Diamond category, I think. Obama needs to add some sequins to his suits.

    “Crackling Rosie, get on board…”

  20. Karl

    What about the people that get it on to Supertramp or Erasure? Much neglected demographic. I think Ron Paul stands strong in that area.

  21. Diane Mandy

    This coming from a political junkie and Obamaniac — by far the best and funniest political analysis ever! Thanks for the laugh. And yes, I do *know* my vibrators.

  22. better safe than sorry

    we had an article in our paper last week indicating that something like four out of the last six presidents were left handed, guess who’s left handed, cuz i’d say that’s another category.

  23. TRO

    Finally, I know why people vote for Democrats. I never could figure it out before. Thanks, Neil 🙂

  24. kat

    this totally made me giggle. happy day before your birthday 🙂

  25. Arjewtino

    Hilary Duff is running now, too? Man, I am paralyzed by choice.

  26. Guilty Secret

    “Misogynists and Racists – McCain”

    Ha ha hahahahhaa hahaha hahahahhaaa!


  27. treespotter

    oh, thank you neil for that lovely brief. Now the American election started to make sense!!

  28. Marie

    Poverty-stricken crocs-with-socks wearing 32 year old woman here for Hillary all the way. But I’d take anyone over McCain.

  29. fringes

    Perfect analysis. I wish I had something else going for my voting variances besides the “black” thing. Until this election season, I’d forgotten I even could be classified by color. Thanks a lot, CNN.

  30. Paige Stanton

    Being from Canada I am only just mildly interested, the way I see it, anything is better than Bush. But to go from Bush to the first female president or the first black president interests me a little.

  31. Jan

    Neil, I love you!
    I just laughed so hard my leg cast fell off the pillow.

  32. Miss Britt

    Women who aren’t afraid to flirt if it helps them get shit done: Obama

  33. Christine

    People who get down listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers or Lenny Kravitz, depending upon mood – write in Neil Kramer’s name on their ballot

  34. By Jane

    So that explains it: I’ve always been a Colgate girl myself.

  35. Julie

    Colgate user who’s voting for Obama. Let’s see, I’m white, a feminist, household income less than $100,000 a year, and am very much wanting change.

    That’s assuming the primaries here in NC even count this year. They’re saying they might…

    GREAT post. I loved it.

  36. sassy

    Neil, can I patent you?

  37. churlita

    You were pretty right on about my Obama liking profile…Except the “making love to Neil Diamond” part.

  38. mrsmogul

    I think Hillary should win, just want to see Bill in a dress!

    (just read your thing on pop candy! Good one Neil!)

  39. Irina

    Me? I’m playing it safe and voting for McCain, along with all the misogynists and racists. ; ) My first choice was Giuliani, but he’s out so I’m SETTLING.

  40. paintergirl


    Don’t you think McCain should pick Alice Cooper as his running mate?

  41. LVGurl

    It all makes more sense now… thanks Neil!

  42. plain jane

    I don’t think the race is so embittered. Half the time they are falling all over the place to be nice to each other. And, Obama pulled Clinton’s chair out for her at one debate. Although, I would have slapped him for that, an obvious power play. Oh yeah, but anyone under 45 wouldn’t know about that would they?

  43. buzzgirl

    I am constantly amazed by people who at this point are still “undecided”. WTF? Christ, make a decision, people.

    As a black woman, I am so over “the media” telling me what a difficult decision I have to make: do I identify more as a woman or as a black person? Well, if that’s all there is to it, then thank god I don’t have to have any interest in, you know, the ISSUES or anything! For pete’s sake.

    BTW, when it comes down to gettin’ it on, I prefer Nine Inch Nails… but if you’re listening to Trent while you’re “doing it,” you’re f-ing, not “making love.” 🙂

  44. Loralee

    “Closer” used to be my number one “Go to” song in the bedroom and now I’m going to think of freaking HILLARY CLINTON, DAMMIT!


  45. melanie

    wake me up when there is a real candidate worth fighting for running in the election.

    you can call me rip van mistress. :eyeroll:

  46. Maggie, dammit


    God, thanks for this.

  47. scarlet hip

    We’ve had the Nine Inch Nails/Neil Diamond conversation before.

  48. Sarcastic Mom

    That was hilarious.
    Best political post I’ve read. Thanks for the laughs!

  49. Los Angelista

    Oh Neil, thank you for breaking it down better than any talking head on MSNBC. One of the campaigns should hire you.

    One question though: Where do the Depeche Mode obsessed fit in?

  50. di

    You missed out ‘New Zealanders’ – I’ll vote Obama (if they open this one up to New Zealanders … )

  51. V-Grrrl

    Best political commentary ever.

  52. Kelly

    My favorite joke of the moment (thanks Jon Stewart): So who do you want, the schwartze or the shiksa?

  53. pia

    Where does a guilt ridden but not guilty liberal Jew fit? Who isn’t ashamed to say she’s over a certain age but prefers 9 inch nails to Neil Diamond?

    Oh she once loved a president named Bill, stayed faithful to him through all scandals, but recently had her heart broken by him and vowed never to love another president or presidential candidate.

    Which isn’t hard as she hasn’t even really liked a president since Kennedy when she was too young to know anything

    This is an instant classic Neilochoka

  54. Marriage-101

    You are SO wrong. I like Hillary and I’m a loyal Crest user. Everything else was accurate and well-researched 😉

  55. Dr. Leah - Transformation Revolution

    OMG – Just found this blog and, significantly, this post. Have forwarded to several friends. This rocks! (as does Obama ;-))

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