(Typography pin-up girl by Taylor Lane)
Queen of Spain wrote a provocative piece today dispensing tips to women on giving oral sex to their men. This is probably one of the most important issues in the world today, because I feel that if there was more oral sex in the world, there would be world peace.
As a prominent male blogger, I thought it was important to take a page from Erin’s book, and give my MALE readers important tips on pleasing a woman orally.
Men have the harder job. Women are built differently. They are more complex. The interesting stuff isn’t just hanging there, in full view. That’s why, if a man can learn to please his woman orally, she will do ANYTHING FOR YOU. The trouble is that most men do not have a clue on how to bring their woman to the point of no return, exclusively through oral technique. Not every man has the experience and patience that I do in making his woman scream for more.
Neilochka’s Three Rules for Pleasing Her Orally
1) Take a Shower
2) Brush your Teeth
3) Take her to the Cheesecake Factory and let her order the White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle Cheesecake. It’s a whole less time-consuming pleasing her orally this way than spending all night with your face between her thighs This way, it’s a guaranteed success! Women absolutely love cake! They appreciate it more when it is your suggestion to order the cake because it tells the woman that she looks perfect the way she is, and that you are not worried about her gaining weight. That is a major turn-on. You might even get a blow-job on the way home, and then you can just spend the rest of the night watching reruns of the Simpsons on TV. Well, not me. But maybe you.
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: I Don’t Understand Women (Nothing has changed!)