My virtual pot smoking didn’t really work, so I’m still in a grouchy mood.Â I feel like taking it out on someone, so I picked an easy target — mommybloggers.
Now I love women and I love children.Â And I adore my mother.Â But isn’t having a child supposed to be the greatest blessing to happen to someone?Â The greatest joy?Â So, isn’t it a bit immodest to show your child every day on your blog, as if you’re showing off your new shoes from Nordstrom?Â Â I understand that you love your child and your child is the ticket to the gated suburban blog community of Dooce, Amalah, and the incestuous Federated Media advertising-sponsored mommy/daddy blogs, but I love my Toyota Prius, and I’m not going to talk about it EVERY day.Â Â After all, I don’t want to make the guy with the 1985 Honda Civic feel bad about his crappy car.Â It just ain’t polite.
P.S. — Sophia just reminded me that the Toyota Prius is actually her car, and that I DO drive a crappy car.
P.P.S. — I guess I’m just feeling sad about not having kids tonight, since if I had some kids, I could get them to do the dishes instead of me.Â Â Isn’t that what it’s all about?
Sophia has a nice car and a nice husband. Sorry about the dishes–as you know, I’m not renowned for my affinity to housework. I hope you have some Playtex gloves to wear when you do them. I won’t wash a single dish without them!
Ah, but if you had kids they would be lying on the floor moaning about how they couldn’t play Playstation. Trust me.
Hey, I wrote about cars today on my blog 😉
Hmm, I think I get grouped in with the mommybloggers, but I rarely post a photo of either of my kids. Come to think of it, neither one of them does the dishes either. I must be doing something wrong. *sigh* Story of my life. AGAIN. 😉
i’ve got three kids, none of them do dishes but my dog would be happy to “wash” them for me if i let her.
i got a buzz off of this one:)
Even if you can get the kids to do the dishes, you have to have the cash to replace all the broken ones.
I just woke up at 5:30 worried that this post was too nasty against mothers, but then I figured that if they went through childbirth, they can handle this post.
I love mothers, I really do. They’re hot. And you know that they ain’t virgins.
I just posted a picture of my kid and made him do the dishes. No I didn’t, we ate breakfast off paper-towels so no one would have to do dishes.. should I go back and write something about my car and how thankful I am for clear duct tape?
I’m crazy for you Neil and probably wouldn’t be if you were a mommy blogger.
You can borrow Little Orieyenta for a bit. But I have to warn you…she talks A LOT and whenever she does the dishes something gets broken.
I am a mommy but I don’t think I’m a mommy blogger. Can I say how much I dislike Dooce. Is she really that funny? I will be forever blacklisted by that comment.
You went and made me all melancholy for my old car. My 1985 Honda Civic Wagon was the best car ever, and if someone had told me about timing belts, I would still be driving it. Sigh
You love your Prius? Because I’m thinking about getting one even though my first love is a Mini Cooper. But the environment and all…
See, this is what a parent does to you. You lose the ability to be completely selfish. No cute car for YOU, you have to be RESPONSIBLE.
I haven’t yet figured out how to teach my son to wash the dishes with one hand. Is this disability going to keep him from doing chores until he moves out? I want my money back! 😉
I used to love Dooce. Then she had her baby, then the blog morphed into everything about my kid, then I came here. I like your (oops Sophia’s) Prius too.
I miss my ’71 Impala. The gas tank was ‘prolly bigger than the Prius.
Neil, sometimes I think we are the same person. You know, except for the whole being Jewish and also a Man. Oh, and you’re funny. And you can write. And…
I’m shutting up now.
That is totally the reason to have kids, Neil. Sadly, it doesn’t work that way.
Word on the street is that you can also get them to take out the garbage… just one of the reasons I plan on getting as many of them as possible… eventually. Many of my cousins are popping out babies like it’s the new in thing, and I must admit to having a severe case of the Baby Lust when I’m holding them and they’re all gummy smiles and giddy noises… But then I remember that I have time. And so do you.
Maybe the Walton children do the dishes (well, the girls anyway) but few kids outside of a Hollywood soundstage have ever soiled their hands with soapy water. I do remember how glad I was when my daughter was old enough to “fetch.” Now I must be off in my ancient Honda Civic. Oy.
If being a mommyblogger doesn’t work out, I’m totally going to put my kids into showbiz. Damnit…I’m determined to live my best off their cuteness.
Although I can be a sick bastard when it comes to posting photos of my beloved Snowflake(who coincidentally IS a bastard by definition), as a single parent, I really can’t identify with most of the coupled mommybloggers who blog. I’m the weirdo who doesn’t fit in anywhere.
So, hey, I like that car. Sweet.
Sometimes I blog about my kids, but sometimes I blog about masturbation. I like to mix it up.
Nice car, Sophia.
Why am I so embarrassed by this post? I hate to be thought of as a Dooce-hater. She seems awfully nice. I’m just using her as a prototype. I’m sure being a mother takes up your entire life, so a mommyblogger is just writing about what’s on her mind. I mean, let’s be honest… I mostly write about what’s on my mind — Sophia and my Penis.
Ahh, I see your first mistake. Mommy’s don’t use dishes anymore – HELLO PAPER PLATES. No, you have children to answer the phone when Marketers call so they can say, “She is busy having sex right now, can you call back later?” 😉
Fuck, he graduated so I did a little tribute because you bitched about the boring knitting.
And kids that do the dishes, hee, hee, that’s very funny. I can’t get the bastards (yep I can call them that too) to do anything but spend money. But you are right about mommys, we can handle anything, so take your best shot.
I just wanted to say that I’m getting kind of sick of listening to how much you love Sophia and how you treat her like a princess, blah, blah, blah.
Gee, I thought I was in a better mood.
You’d think that kids would make great little household slaves, but it rarely works out that way. Most of the time you wind up cleaning up after THEM, not the other way around.
Psychomom — You’re absolutely right! Too much Sophia. Not enough posts about my crush on Psychomom.
Neil, I don’t think being a mother takes up your whole life (or I wouldn’t be working in my art studio, back in college full time, writing a novel, and have time to both read and write blogs) but there are those who are just so in love with their kids… or in shock because of them that it’s all they can think about.
It’s true, my kids are always on my mind – because I DO adore them. But, I rarely blog about them. Some of the stuff that happens just cannot be believed, no one ever told you that there would be days like that (or you didn’t believe them) so you just have to share. Not many people can claim they have seen legos superglued to a ceiling fan while they were in the other room. The story just must be told! 😉
Don’t worry, no one is upset with you. 🙂
I just realized that 3/4 of my readers are mommybloggers… talk about shooting yourself in the foot…
Yes, YOUR child is the most beautiful one in the world.
Neil, I love you like my own son.
I post pictures of my kid because she’s much prettier than me. Taking care of her takes up about 95% of my waking hours. Blogging takes up the rest, so unless I’m going to get all fictional I don’t have much else to write about.
I think of myself as a nice selfish ME blogger, but a big part of ME right now is being Mama. So.
I’ll be sensitive to this rant since you’ve been under stress lately. There is a reason we are called “Mommy Bloggers” you know…I hope Sophia is better soon, I am sure it has been hard on both of you.
Cheer up, I have kids and I still have a crappy car.
And although they do the dished, they do a bad job and I often need to rewash them.
Oh, shit. Now I’m hated by everyone.
I just mean that a mommy can all take a break from the baby every once in a while, like Stepping Over the Junk did today — and write about having torrid sex in the kitchen until her guy couldn’t walk anymore.
Love to you Neil! Glad you liked that. Heh heh.
Kids do dishes?
I’m pretty sure the Prius is more economical than kids.
I’m going to toss this out there.
My blog is my personal space. It’s a place where I go to GET AWAY from my kids, responsibilities, the bills and everything else I’d rather not spend 24/7 thinking about. Sometimes I’ll talk about literature, current events, philosophical STUFF, my friends and other interests that zip through my mind at the speed of light… did someone say RITALIN?
I think there are Mommybloggers of all types. No, I know there are.
Some are blogging for family members who live far away. Others are blogging as a journal. However, both have to be careful about posting…. no names, no locations, nada. And while we’re at it, just keep those blogs private and by invitation only.
FYI… if you’re posting public pics of your kids, you really ought to get their consent. Especially if their teens.
But then there are the ones who Neil talks about who want to be seen as heroines in terrifically tough times…. yawn….
We’re all in that trench. So tell me your thoughts on whether or not this stinking war in Iraq is going to end or whether tribal warfare will prevail, as TE Lawrence indicated ages ago. Or… whether or not it’s better to believe in the issue of carbon emissions trading or to just really reduce your carbon imprint by changing your lifestyle.
You see… I just think there’s so much more to Moms if they just give themselves a chance.
I think it’s a gross overgeneralization to say that all mommybloggers only blog about being a mom or their kids.
In fact, there is a HUGE group of us who are actually blogging about making a difference in the world and building community and merely slip in a pic and/or story or three about our kids.
I understand you’ve had a bad day. Picking an easy target. Hmmm.
My blog is in a gated community? I had not idea!
Guess I have to stop writing about waxing and start posting pictures of my progeny.
My blog is in a gated community? I had no idea!
Guess I have to stop writing about waxing and start posting pictures of my progeny.
hahaha, HAHAHAHA, HOOOWEEEEEHAHA, snort.
Oh that was funny.
The part about getting your kids to do the dishes…
As a ‘mommyblogger’ I’d almost be insulted, but then I see you devote an entire section of your blog to your penis, and I am moved to forgive you. Obviously the smaller and less attractive head rules the roost here.
So I see, you are sorry you are not a mommy blogger.
If you’ve got a crush on Psychomom and she loves you like a son, do we need to change your name to Oedipus?
So if you have a crush on Pschyomom and she loves you like a son, do you need to change your name to Oedipus?
Any blog that is obsessive about one topic is obnoxious! 😀
Patois, don’t even ask about my relationship with my REAL mother, who reads my blog and calls me every day!
Maybe if you teach your (Sophia’s) Prius to do really cute things, and then take pictures of it…
or you can post about how you wish your (Sophia’s) Prius would just clean up after itself FOR ONCE IN IT’S LIFE…
or post a transcript of the really cute noises it made today when you asked what it did at school…
and yes, I am a mommyblogger. 🙂
I just got back from a trip that took me states ans states from my kids. Bliss. Every mom needs a break. I think we might buy a Prius this weekend…Does Sophia really love her’s. Gimme scoop.
I don’t post pictures of my kids and I usually write about how hard I have to work not to hurt them. So I don’t think I’m a mommyblogger. I like your “seinfeldian” format much better!
My kid is cuter than I am clever…so go with your strengths, right?
Some good retorts:
Nell at Meanwhile…
Stepping Over Junk
As a mommy blogger (sort of). I am NOT offended by your post. It was quite amusing. I hope you are having a lovely weekend.
I’ll have you banned from the internets you child-hating bastard!
The almighty Dooce.
but what the hell’s wrong with writing a blog all about your car? someone out there is sure to love it.