the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

If It Takes Nine Months…


Three of my new online friends all have birthdays this weekend — Hilary, M.A., and Tatyana.  Is that just a weird coincidence?   I think not.  July babies are very popular.

I just did the reverse 9-month arithmetic in my head — July back to October — back to the moment when each set of parents finished their bottle of wine and headed upstairs earlier than usual.   There must be something in the brisk Fall air that spells romance and the urge for mating.  I’m always looking for an advantage in the dating game.  Is it possible that the leaves changing color make women horny?

Let me mark this on my calendar: 

I will most likely find a woman who wants to take me back to her apartment and repeatedly have her way with me — sometime between Yom Kippur and Halloween.  

Let’s hurry up and finish summer already and move into October!

Happy b-day — all three of you!


  1. Josia

    Go easy on the Jamba Juice Neil! 🙂 And by the way – there is no such thing as a coincidence – you just noticed something in the Matrix – if you were a more developed human your perception would be multiplied by the thousands.

    If you need a dating advantage – just take a laptop with you and show them your blog! Seriously – a friend of mine used have a perfect scoring record thanks to his architecture portfolio …

  2. Tatyana

    Oh, no, don’t end the summer; fall plays cruel jokes on me. I’ve paid for one such deception with 20 yrs of marriage.

  3. Edgy Mama

    Both my kids were born in August–thus, conceived around Thanksgiving. Until E-spouse got the snip, there was no hanky panky allowed that time of year!

  4. Neil

    Josia — I’m frustrated enough. Do I really want my perception multiplied by the thousands?

  5. Brooke

    Neil, you just used a perfectly innocent picture of a children’s birthday party to get yourself laid. I can’t wait for your parents to read this bolo.

  6. Neil

    Brooke, if there’s one thing I’ve learned — women love photos of kids and kittens. I’m not stupid. I know what I’m doing. And since I know your love for cats (read Brooke’s amazing story about her cat Kashmir), I’m looking forward to winning you over with my upcoming photo collection of “the world’s cutest kittens.”

  7. Megan

    I hate cats, so I guess I’m one of the women who wouldn’t react favorably to a picture of kittens.

    My birthday is August 6th, but I was due in late July (I was two weeks late; apparently I was having a party in there that I wasn’t ready to stop). So, I guess I can use your expert math skills and deduct that my parents also got it on in October. That happens to be the month of their wedding anniversary. I guess this means my parents were celebrating extra actively that year.

  8. M.A.

    I hadn’t really thought about this…October is the month of my parent’s anniversary as well. They were married on October 15th and I was born on July 18th, two years after they got married. That makes perfect sense. Haha.

    Thanks for the birthday wishes, Neil. And July babies are popular. I hope that you find a lovely woman who will comply with your wishes. woohoo.

  9. Josia

    You’re frustrated because you know there’s more than meets the eye here in this world and you can’t access it yet.

    When you learn how to access it you can multiply your perceptions by the millions if you want to. It makes life a LOT more interesting than any kind of entertainment available today – actually millions of times more fulfilling than anything you can do here in this world.

  10. Neil

    Oy, Oy, Oy — Josia. I love ya’, but surely your mind is occupied with things other than Kabbalah? How’s your baby? What’s the weather like in Israel? Do you like being a new mom? How did Israel do in Eurovision this year? What’s your favorite falafel recipe? Do you know any nice single Israeli women?

  11. Brooke

    Actually Neil, despite my cat story, I’m a dog person. Post pics of puppies and I will swoon.

  12. Tatyana

    Brooke, I’ll do Neil a favor and link the pics on his behalf.

    So we all can “aaawww” together.

  13. Josia

    🙂 I’ve got a bunch lined up for you Neil … they’re just waiting for you to get here …

  14. Modigli

    Very cute. Since I’m a July baby myself, I especially liked this!

    And BTW, I remember some really strange picture of blogging cats in one of your recent posts, Neil. THEY were not so cute! LOL!

  15. The Moviequill

    ‘sometime between Yom Kippur and Halloween.’… that’s called a Fall Sale

  16. Helena

    Me, too! Me, too! July 30th. That fateful Halloween must have marked a rare occasion on which my parents occupied the same room for five minutes without trying to strangle each other. Perhaps role-playing is to blame. 🙂

  17. Neil

    I’m surprised that I got so many people visualizing their parents having sex and not one person complained about it or went into a psychotic fit. You do know that your parents did have sex — hopefully still do. We know they “did it” at least once if you’re around. Although, I guess you could be adopted or a test-tube baby or Jesus (but I really doubt he reads my blog).

  18. Hilary

    Thanks for the birthday wishes!

  19. psychotoddler

    There was a big blackout in NY 9 months before I was born.

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