Monday, I’m taking off for New York with my one way ticket. My plan is to come back in a month… I think.

Thank you for listening to my rants during the past few weeks. I was thinking of a way to thank you all. Luckily, my good friends and sponsor at Las Vegas High Stakes Betting have come up with a terrific way for you to have fun… and maybe win a little money. I don’t usually promote companies, but the opportunity was just to great. Here is what LV High Stakes Betting, in cooperation with Citizen of the Month, can offer you:

Bet on my life AND WIN. All you have to do is go to LV High Stakes Betting HQ at the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas, or sign up on their internet site. Here are the odds for some of things you can bet on:

Sophia will ask Neil to do household chores until the minute he needs to catch the plane to New York. 2-1

Neil will have a quick cup of coffee with Dooce when he stops over in Salt Lake City. 7000-1.

Members of the Facebook group TNNY — “Topless Bloggers from New York” — will meet Neil at JFK when he arrives. 100-1

Neil will get laid within a month of arriving in New York. 750 -1

Neil will be recognized as “the guy who writes Citizen of the Month” on the F train. 400-1

On visiting his mother at Farrar Straus and Giroux, the editor in chief will point at me and say, “We want you to write a bestseller for us titled “The World’s Greatest Lover.” 2000-1

Neil will go on one of those smelly horse and buggy rides in Central Park, something he promised himself at age 12 that he would never go on since it is such a touristy cliche. 300-1

Neil will go on one of those smelly horse and buggy rides in Central Park… if it will get him laid by a visiting tourist from Denmark. 2-1

Neil will take photos of himself naked and post them on his blog. 6-1.

Neil will play Scrabble with his mother. 1-2

Neil will speak to Sophia on the phone every day. 4-1

Neil will be back in Los Angeles in one week, crying at Sophia’s door. 800-1

Neil will be back in Los Angeles in two weeks, crying at Sophia’s door. 2-1.

Good luck to all. Remember, only gamble responsibly.