If you know that your friend’s husband is cheating on her, do you tell your friend? Of course you do.
If your friend is dating a man who is hiding his prison record from her, do you tell her? Absolutely.
If a family member is in trouble, and you have the opportunity to help save him, wouldn’t you? Yes!
To most of us, the blogging world is a safe haven from the real world. We chat, we tell jokes, we listen. But there are some of us who don’t belong in civilized company. The sick tastes of these individuals have been so perverted through time that they are a danger to us all.
I am naturally speaking about those who put pineapple on their pizza.
Two days ago, I made a sarcastic comment on Twitter about the inhumanity of putting sweet Hawaiian fruit on pizza — PIZZA — Italy’s greatest achievement, surpassing even that of the Renaissance.
I’m a traditionalist. I don’t like pizza with anything on it other than cheese and sauce. But I accept the weaknesses of others, and have enjoyed pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, and other acceptable toppings.
It wasn’t until I moved to California that I became aware of the terrible illness that grips the rest of our country — putting weird crap on pizza. Was it the fault of the infamous California Pizza Kitchen? The nasty Wolfgang Puck (who once tried to injure my family with a cheaply made pan)? Or the negative influence of the Papa John’s and Domino’s and Pizza Huts of the world? Why would you put PINEAPPLE on a slice of pizza? Do you put apple sauce on your hamburger? Mango on your pot roast? It is insanity!
Sadly, many of you ARE insane. Several of you wrote back to me, announcing that pizza with pineapple was your favorite type of pizza! How weird! And disgusting.
I know you took me into your confidence when you revealed this information to me, but this is too serious an issue not to warn the others. I am not suggesting that we make a blackmail list against bloggers who enjoy pineapple on their pizza. I am just suggesting that we proceed with caution. Perhaps there are other “secrets” that they are hiding. Do we really want to share a room at BlogHer with any of these folk? I personally don’t trust them. Who knows what other sicko things they are doing with their food products?
If you put crazy things on your pizza, please tell me now, so I can delete you from my blogroll.
And please be wary of the following individuals:
dailytannenbaum @Neilochka Take me off your blogroll if I’m on it. Although I did burn out after having pineapple pizza as much as possible in college. 01:22 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply
iamthediva @Neilochka i like pineapple on my Teriake Chicken Pizza… and yeah, the whole “Ham and Pineapple” thing is huge up here. 12:08 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to Neilochka
Nedra @Neilochka There goes my chance to make it onto your blogroll — pineapple pizza is my very favorite. Oh well. 09:38 AM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to Neilochka
DownWithPants @Neilochka – I like you Neil, but if it comes down to you or pineapple on pizza, I’ll have to pick pineapple. 09:18 AM May 21, 2008 from txt in reply to Neilochka
Miguelina @Neilochka If pineapple on pizza is a sin, then I guess I’m going straight to hell. 12:12 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to Neilochka
catheroo @Neilochka I had pineapple on my pizza just last night! 09:06 AM May 21, 2008 from txt in reply to Neilochka
lauriewrites @Neilochka We call it Hawaiian pizza in Maryland. Ham and pineapple. : ) 12:06 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to Neilochka
— and here’s a real pervert:
fluidpudding @Neilochka I am hesitant to admit this, but my absolute favorite pizza showcases pears, pine nuts, and Gorgonzola cheese.
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Out of the Past