God is an absentee landlord and we are the tenants.
He created the world in six days, and then, on the seventh, he moved to a retirement community in Boca Raton, letting us fend for ourselves.
We are bad tenants. Without God nearby, we turned our Garden into a miserable dump.
“Where are you, God?” we cry. “Why have you forsaken us? Why do you leave us with death, illness, and decay? Why must we stand alone with so little guidance?”
God will not answer. He is too busy playing canasta with his friends.
But I have heard from God.
Oh, nothing dramatic like a Burning Bush or a Technicolor Dream.
God left us a Post-it Note on the front door.
Dear People,
You are not alone. But go look at the contract you signed. You need to take care of your shit yourselves. Grow some balls. I know you are weak. But I already gave you the three tools that will get you through every emergency.
I gave you rain. This will wash away the death and despair.
I gave you sun. This will give enable you to see.
And I gave you love. Which will make life worthwhile.
If any of you would rather trade in one of these tools for a new dishwasher instead, please leave a message at the rental office.
Now leave me the alone.
God
cc: prophets and angels.
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