You’re going to have to get used to me being self-centered here on this blog for a little while longer.Â Or not.Â Or maybe this is something for me to think about — the best way to use this blog.Â Maybe I should start another blog.Â Make one blog about story-telling and writing.Â And the other about kvetching and self-journaling.Â I am going completely against the grain of blogging history here.Â Â Most of you started out as “personal journals” writing for yourself and then your blogs turned into a business.Â I started out as a place to make fun of pop culture, and now I just write about neurotic thoughts like bloggers from 2004.
Forget my last post.Â It was bullshit and inauthentic.Â I was using blogging as an excuse to really talk about myself, but I was too afraid to deal with those issues directly.
As you can tell, I am in a deep-thinking mode as I try to focus on my goals and get my life back on track.Â One of the issues I am dealing with is that old villain — fear of success.
In my last post, I brought up the example of driving a Lamborghini to church.Â Â This was probably the most important — and personal – part of the last post.Â Since most of the comments were about blogging, and not fancy cars, I had the urge to re-write my last post in a new way, this time focusing on the Lamborghini.
1)Â Make believe I go to church (let’s make it a nice Presbyterian church as an example).Â I pull up in my Honda Civic.Â My friend roars his way into his spot in his new Lamborghini.Â Will I feel ashamed by my measly car?Â What can I do so I don’t feel ashamed?Â Can I reframe my thinking so that his Lamborghini will help motivate me to achieve more?Â Should I not even give one thought to our differences in car brands?
2)Â Why is my friend pulling up in this Lamborghini?Â Â What is he saying to me?Â Is he saying anything at all?Â Does he really enjoy the ride or is he sending me a message?Â Can I feel comfortable with my friend in his Lamborghini?Â Can he feel comfortable with me?Â Will I have to buy a Lamborghini for him to consider me a friend again?
3)Â This is the biggest issue of them all for me.Â Â Will I ever be able to buy myself a Lamborghini?Â I don’t mean financially, but mentally.Â Can I ever feel comfortable driving a Lamborghini to church without worrying about the others?Â Can I ever just enjoy the ride?Â Can I feel that I deserve it?Â How will I react to my friend in his Honda Civic?Â Will I still consider him my equal?Â Â Can I change my way of thinking so that I see my Lamborghini not as something ostentatious but as a way to motivate others?Â Is my brain holding me back because I feel more comfortable driving a Honda Civic than a Lamborghini?