Last Friday, Sophia and I went with blogger-pal Danny and his wife, Kendall, to the Hermosa Beach Comedy and Magic Club. It is one of the best comedy clubs in Los Angeles, well-known as the club Jay Leno performs every Sunday night, trying out his monologues. It is a great place to visit when you come to Los Angeles Afterwards, remember to drop by Sophia’s house in Redondo Beach for some tea and cookies.
At Friday’s performance, we were sitting next to a rowdy table of ten. They all seemed drunk. In the center of the bunch were two twins, both blond Pamela Anderson types, both wearing skimpy halter tops. It was their birthdays. (Danny later discovered that these “twins” were the Costello Twins and they are known for something in C-level Hollywood. Look it up yourself. It’s not that interesting.)
The show consisted for four acts. During each act, Blond Twin #1 would stand up, talking to the comedian on the stage — wanting to bring the attention to herself. Even though the comedians seemed annoyed, they tried to keep it light, realizing she was drunk and it was her birthday.
But the audience was getting increasingly pissy.
The headliner for the evening was the very funny Ralph Harris. Towards the middle of his routine, Blond Twin #1 stood up for the fourth time.
“I like you. You’re funny.” she slurred.
“Uh, yeah, thanks,” Ralph Harris said. “Could you sit down now?”
But Blond Twin #1 did not sit down. Instead, she pulled down her halter top and flashed her breasts to the comedian — and the rest of the audience.
Now, I know what you’re thinking while you’re reading this at home or in the office.
“Why is Neil telling me this story?”
I tell this true-life tale for an important reason. I think it’s time to prove to my female readers that not all men are horndogs. As this blond beauty turned my way, her breasts bare to the world, my eyes didn’t pop out of their sockets like a cartoon character. I didn’t drool all over myself. The table didn’t miraculously lift a foot off the ground.
No, I sat there and pondered modern science. I thought:
“When are they ever going to make fake boobs that don’t look like large bocce balls?”
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