Tag: Election Day

You Better Vote Twice Today

November 7, 2006 / Neil Kramer / 29 Comments

In honor of Election Day, Heather Anne Hogan has created her own mini-election, revolving around bloggers and blogging.Â Â After the nominating process, it seems as I have been nominated for President, along with the introspective Peefer (of Peefer’s Home) and long-time rival Brandon (of One Child Left Behind).

I am truly honored.

You can vote here.Â Remember to check out all the other cool blogs listed there.

And vote in the REAL ELECTION!Â It’s an important election day.

Now, as a candidate, I am going to be different than most politicians, and speak the truth.Â

Â I “know” both of these other gentleman bloggers and they are worthy nominees.Â Â Peefer is a loving, creative family man, and I’m sure he would never have gotten us into the mess in Iraq.Â Â Brandon is also strong on family values.Â He would make theÂ most inspirational speeches since FDR.Â Â His words are like poetry.Â Â I believe he would be an excellentÂ “Education” President.Â He also has the movie-star good looks to attract female voters.

I am financially unstable and separated from my wife, although I still live with her in some “weird” California-hippy-new age arrangement.Â Â I spend much of my day conversing with my penis.Â Â I don’t know much about politics.Â Â If i were to move into the White House, I would be SO CAUGHT asÂ I’mÂ f***ing a buxom intern in the “Red Room,” disgracing the office and the Presidency.Â

On a positive note, I would try my hardest to give her an orgasm.Â I am not a selfish man.Â Oh, and I will give tax breaks to everyone.

The choice is yours.Â Just remember to vote, both in the Hoagies and in the REAL ELECTION.

Proposition This!

November 5, 2006 / Neil Kramer / 30 Comments

It’s election time in California again, which means a last minute barrage of commercials and telephone calls, all aimed at confusing the voter. So far, my favorite TV ads are for Tony “The Tiger” Strickland, who is running for California State Controller.Â I don’t know much about him except that he always runs around looking active and has the nickname of “the Tiger,” which he wants to hammer into your brain by actuallyÂ putting inÂ a ROAR at the end ofÂ his commerical (as if he was selling some sugary Kellogg’s cereal).Â

Look at this guy.Â Does he look like a tiger to you?Â Or is this what his son calls him on the miniature golf course?

Frankly, I want a State Controller who is sitting at his desk working on the budget problems of the state.Â Did I really want a state controller who spends most of his time rushing through hallways, passing off notes to his multi-ethnic assistants?

From now on, I will be Neil “the Leopard” Kramer:

“Neil “the Leopard” Kramer. He is a blogger! But you will never see him actually blogging. Watch as he passes by his Russian-born separated wife as he goes downstairs to the kitchen to make her breakfast!Â See him as he smiles and chats it up with the African-American check-out girl at Ralph’s Supermarket.Â Look how fast he walks. Watch as a multi-ethnic group of coffee drinkers nod and smile as “the Leopard” zips into Starbucks to buy a “fully-caffeinated” cup of coffee.Â Admire “the Leopard’s” virility as he checks out the lovely female Chinese-American’s ass as she pours the coffee.”

Aw, who am I kidding? Tony “the Tiger” Strickland’s political ad was effective, because he is the only candidate I now remember!Â I don’t even know what party he belongs to, but I am voting for him.

The one cool thing about voting in Redondo Beach is that voters in my area actually vote in someone’s LIVING ROOM! That’s right. I have no idea why we don’t vote in a school or someplace normal, but no — we wait in line outside someone’s apartment. You can even look into the resident’s kitchen as you are voting!

California usually has dozens of confusing propositions on the ballot about all sorts of issues, from taxing cigarettes to building roads. Being the liberal sort, I usually vote for DOING things with little regard to how California is actually going to pay for it, but there is one issue that I am changing my view on spending, and that is Education. Every year, I vote on allocating MORE money for MORE schools, MORE textbooks, SMALLER classes. Every year, I am told how important education is the success of California.

But are all these propositions I vote in actually working?

After years of more money for education — may I present to you the address of my voting place, as listed on every single one of my CA VOTING GUIDES, including the official one:

A Year Ago in Citizen of the Month: Modern Politics

Modern Politics

November 5, 2005 / Neil Kramer / 21 Comments

While I was over at Sophia’s place today, she played me all the political messages that were on her answering machine relating to Election Day. California always has hundreds of confusing initiatives on the ballot, and frankly I’m not sure how most people even understand what they are all about.

Sophia is a registered Republican and got several messages from her party, including one "directly" from Governor Schwarzenegger himself. I received messages from the Democratic Party since I’m still registered here in Redondo Beach.

All of the messages contained no clear reason to vote one way or another other than party identification.

As we sat down to catch up on a week’s worth of "All My Children" episodes, Sophia had a sudden urge for watermelon. We took a walk to the supermarket. As we left the supermarket with our overpriced watermelon, we were stopped by a scraggly-looking guy who asked us if we wanted to sign a petition against redistricting. You show me a petition – I think it must be for a good cause. I agreed to sign it.

Sophia wasn’t as easy a customer. She asked the Scraggly Petition Guy all sorts of questions. Even after the guy gave some semi-reasonable answers, Sophia didn’t buy it. She said she didn’t believe in the petition, so she couldn’t honestly sign it.

"No problem," said the guy.

He pulled out another petition and handed it to her.

"Then maybe you’ll sign this. It’s for the opposite side."

Sophia and I glanced at each other.

"What’s going on?" I asked the petition guy. "You’re petitioning for opposite points of views at the same time? I’ve never seen this before."

"I’m not petitioning for anything," he answered. "I get paid a buck a signature by both sides. He-he-he. Sweet deal. You’re sure you don’t wanna sign?"