Welcome to the Love Connection, where old-fashioned romance meets modern technology.  And here’s your host, Mr. "2 and 2" himself, Chuck Woolery!

Chuck:  "Welcome to Love Connection.  On our last show we met Sophia Lansky and  she was about to tell us about her date.  Her three choices of bachelors were Ron, a successful podiatrist from Studio City, California — Dave, a Grammy-award winning composer from Beverly Hills — and Neil, an unemployed writer from Los Angeles.  The audience chose Dave, by 65%, Ron came in second  with 33%, Neil, oh well…  So, Sophia, whom did you pick?"

Sophia:  "I picked Neil."

The audience gasps and boos.

Chuck:  "Let’s say hello to Neil."

No response from Neil.

Chuck:  "Neil… Neil…"

Neil:  (distracted)  "I’m sorry, I was busy blogging in the back here."

Chuck:  "Blogging?"

Neil:  "Oh, right.  You were cancelled ten years ago.  You don’t yet know what blogging is.  Well, it’s sort of an online journal where you write every day and then other bloggers…

Chuck:  (bored) "Uh, very interesting, but let’s hear about the date.  Sophia?

Sophia:  "Neil came to my door.  He was carrying some flowers."

Chuck:  "How nice."

Sophia:  "That looked like they cost him $3.99 at Ralphs."

Chuck:  "Neil… Neil… Neil…

The audience boos Neil.

Chuck:  But, Sophia, what did you think of Neil looks-wise?"

Sophia:  "He was wearing this weird orange flannel shirt and I thought he looked gay."

Chuck:  "Gay?  Neil, what’s going on with you?"

Neil:  "I’m not gay."

Chuck:  "If you say so.  What did you think of Sophia?"

Neil:  "I thought she was hot.  You see… not gay." 

Sophia:  "Listen to this, Chuck.  The very first thing Neil says to me is, "You smell.""

Chuck:  "You smell?  Neil, are you insane? You didn’t really say that, did you?"

Neil:  "I was nervous.  I meant to say, "You smell nice" because of her perfume."

Chuck:  "Neil, had you ever gone on a date before?  This sounds like a disaster.  Tell us more."

Sophia:  "So, Neil drives me to this Peruvian restaurant that he’s raving about.  But when we get there, it’s in this filthy, disgusting mini-mall."

Neil:  "But they have great food!"

Sophia:  "Well, we never found out, because Neil never bothered to find out that the restaurant was closed on Monday."

Chuck:  "Neil, were you brought up by wolves?"

The audience starts throwing their voting devices at Neil.

Neil:  "I did find us another restaurant."

Sophia:  "Yes, he did.  After we drove around Hollywood for a half hour."

Chuck:  "How did things go when you reached the new restaurant?"

Sophia:  "It actually got better.  The conversation was nice and we had a lot chemistry."

Chuck:  "Ooh, so tell me, Neil, was there any… romance?"

Neil:  "Absolutely, Chuck.  On the way home, there was a long light on Wilshire Blvd. and I leaned over and gave Sophia a passionate kiss.  It was amazing."

Chuck:  "How was the kiss for you, Sophia?"

Sophia:  "Eh.  First – we almost had an accident, because he took his foot of the brake.   And, it actually was a little weird.  Like he didn’t really know what to do.  But I guess the first kiss wasn’t nearly as bad as the first time we had…"

Neil:  "Uh, excuse me, Chuck, this is getting a little too personal.  As the writer here, I’m ending things here much earlier than scheduled…"

Sophia:  "Hey, that’s exactly what happened in bed the first time we… and the second… and the third…"