Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Tag: breakfast

If Egg Dishes Were Like Women

If egg dishes were like women, scrambled eggs would be the practical one, the strong-willed and hardy tomboy who grew up on a Texas ranch and knows how to rope a steer as well as any cowboy.

Sunnyside-up eggs would be the beauty queen, blatantly showing off her assets for all to see, teasing her prey, but quickly running when you make your move.

The omelet would be the complex woman you meet at the museum, super-smart, and too expensive to order on a regular basis. There’s a lot going inside of her, none of which you can ever know until that first bite.

(written on iPhone at colombian diner, queens)

What I Had for Breakfast Today

Every once in a while, I stop in this local Korean-owned deli here in Los Angeles for their “egg on a bagel” and coffee.  The first time I went there, I was very impressed.   First of all, they had good bagels.  Then, the owner upgraded my coffee to a cappuccino “on the house.”  He instantly won me over as a customer.  On subsequent visits, he paid less and less attention to me, sometimes making me wait for five minutes as he prepared a pile of sandwiches (he makes most of his money from lunch delivery).  Today, out of protest, I decided not to give him my business.  I drove by, my nose in the air.  I passed by a Burger King and decided to give them a try.  I haven’t had breakfast in Burger King in years.

I decided to order an egg sandwich in Burger King, but their “Sourdough sandwich” also contained ham and cheese.  I’ve been trying to watch my cholesterol since my doctor said it was getting too high.  I remembered that Burger King was the “have it your way” place and asked if I can have the sandwich without the ham and cheese.   “Sure,” said the girl at the counter, and then proceeded to ring me up.

When I saw her ring in the full price for the sandwich, I thought about it for a second and decided to be assertive.  Shouldn’t the price be less than for a full sandwich?  After all, I’m not getting the ham or the cheese, and those are probably the most expensive parts of the sandwich.  If I wanted extra cheese, they would charge me more.  So, if I don’t get the cheese, they should charge me less.  She didn’t understand English that well, so I gave up.  So much for being assertive.   Not wanting to get ripped off by Burger King, I compromised and took cheese on the sandwich, but told her to “hold the ham.”

Next, I ordered a cup of coffee.  When the counter girl rang up the total, I noticed that the price for my sandwich and coffee was pretty much the same as the “combo” breakfast they had advertised overhead.  In this combo breakfast, you get the sandwich, the coffee, and one of those fried potato thingamajigs.  I don’t particularly like those greasy things, and I’m sure it isn’t good for my cholesterol, but it was steaming me up.  Burger King was practically forcing me to buy it!  If I didn’t get the combo, I would be feeling like a sucker, and it would ruin my whole appetite.  So, I ordered a Sourdough Sandwich combo, including the sandwich (hold the ham), potato thing, and coffee.

As I ate this awful meal, there was a crazy homeless guy at the next table singing “Sweet Home Alabama” to himself.

That was my breakfast today.

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