I was writing the following to Otir in the comment section of my last post, but I think this is an issue — putting ads on the blog — that would be good to talk with my therapist next week — so I am moving my comment here so I can show her this post when she reads my blog next week at our “special” session.   I know this is a boring issue to many of you (should I put or not put advertising on the blog?) and I have kvetched about this on and off for years, so if you are a long-time reader of this blog, skip this post.  You must hate this topic already.  I know most of you have no idea why this is even an issue, but I’m sure this is not really about stupid blog ads for me, but something bigger — maybe even my uncomfortable attitude about money.  I think my father also had an odd relationship with money and success, but that’s for another post –

Again, it’s not about you and YOUR advertising.  It’s about my neurotic attitude.  In the past, several bloggers, including Leahpeah and Crazy Aunt Purl offered me advice on setting up ads, and I basically ignored them.  So, today, I figured I’ll give some of the new people coming here from the Great Interview Experiment a glimpse of the real me… and why they might want to be wary of adding Citizen of the Month to their blogroll.

I find it very difficult to change some long-held attitudes.  Sophia (if you are a new reader:  she is my separated wife who I live with here in Redondo Beach.   She is always threatening to kick me out soon again, but finds me too irresistible and sexy to actually do it)… she really gave it to me this morning, even calling me a “communist” for not wanting ads, which is a very dirty word coming from someone born in Russia.

The comment to Otir  –

Otir — Sophia had a little “discussion” with me this morning about my constant pooh-poohing of advertising, calling it immature.  “We could always use another hundred dollars to help pay for something like our over-priced health insurance.  It’s not like we’re wealthy people who would refuse money.”  She made me feel a bit ashamed for being such a stickler, like I’m a pampered baby.  

This was a Discussion with a capital D.

I should talk to my therapist about this.  I think this advertising issue reflects on other parts of my life where I fear “selling out,” — where I would rather feel good about my superiority than actually make good money for the family.

Does anyone really think less of Dooce for having ads?  Of course, adding ads to blogs undercuts the whole equality of the blogosphere in my mind.  But the box has already been open for a long time.  And who really cares?  Isn’t each of us here to grab as much as he can get for his family, so they can live the best possible life?  Maybe the whole premise of this Great Interview Experiment is a farce.  Maybe we’re not all somebodys.  If I can make more money than the next guy, I can be a “bigger” somebody!  Isn’t that how most of  people think, anyway?   There is always someone more of a somebody than me!  I shouldn’t be saying we are all somebodies.  Why create a myth?  I should be telling you that I am BETTER than you.  Then you will look towards me for advice, and maybe even pay me one day for the book I will write, giving you more advice.  I should ask people to vote for me as the Best Blogitizer!  I could promote myself and make more money on the blog.  Is that what all these Problogger websites advise us to do?  Isn’t Blogher partly about learning how to monetize your blog?  I’m wondering if other bloggers will actually LIKE me and RESPECT me MORE if I told them that I just bought a new car off of the earnings from my blog?  A hybrid, of course, just to impress the eco-babes.

Anyway, just rambling.  Just torn between two parts of my personality. 

Neil’s Penis:  I don’t see what the problem is Neilochka.  Did you forget why you started this blog?  Not for writing.  Not for money.

Neil:  Flirting with women?

Neil’s Penis:  F**k yeah!   You were also supposed to get laid by a few of them.   I’m still waiting.  What about me and my needs?  Aren’t I part of the family also, you communist pampered baby?!

Make that three parts of my personality.