I didn’t read many blogs when I started Citizen of the Month in March, 2005. My initial model for my blog was the late Andy Rooney of “60 Minutes.” Every day I would write a short post based on some personal off-kilter observation such as, “Why do we still lick envelopes in the 20th Century?” It’s a tried and true comedic technique.
Seven years ago this week, my father died. I was blogging for a little over a year. Sophia, my wife at the time, sent a message to my blog readers that I was called back to New York. There was no Twitter or Facebook at the time, so I used my blog as my diary, writing about my emotional state at the time, detailing all the chaos, the sadness, and even the frequent bittersweet humor of dealing with a parent’s death.
My father’s passing completely transformed my view of blogging. Writing a personal blog was not the same as writing a short story or a magazine article. It certainly was not like Andy Rooney doing his shtick on “60 Minutes.” For one thing, blogs had comments, and the feedback from others were frequently more interesting than the original post. Readers also CARED about me in a way that I never cared about Andy Rooney. And I CARED about my readers. Blogging was something revolutionary — a hybrid of writing, community forum, therapy, and friendship.
Life continued on, as did my blog. My writing changed in tone to reflect my experiences. Sophia dealt with breast cancer. Sophia’s mother passed away. Sophia’s step-father passed away. Sophia and I divorced. I moved back and forth between Los Angeles and New York. I flew to New Zealand to meet a new woman. Life.
I glanced over at my last few posts. One was a mediation on happiness. Another was a photo essay. The third was a conversation with my cock. I turned to the Flashy Buick ad and… I started to cry. It wasn’t an unhappy cry. It wasn’t a happy cry. It was just an emotional release, of what I can’t tell you.
Placing this advertisement on my blog is a very big deal to me. It scares me, but it also gives me a slight thrill, like I’m losing my virginity to a prostitute or going bungee jumping. Will I keep the advertisement on my sidebar? It depends on how much money I can earn by keeping it there. If we are talking less than ten bucks a month, it’s not worth it.
I know my eight year obsession over putting advertising on my blog is crazy, and has annoyed the shit out of some of you. I realize that most of you couldn’t care less what I do. But I’m pretentious. It’s one little secret that I try to keep to myself. My blog is powerful… to me. It is a reflection of my life, my manhood, my attitudes towards money and ambition, and an expression of sex and desire. My blog is also about my father, the kind man who died seven years ago this week. And my father would never put advertising on his blog. So, it’s a big change.