20 Minutes on IM #3: With Logan

Tonight, on Facebook messenger, with Logan of A Muddled Mother.

Neil
You there?

Logan
Yup…all is quiet. Just waiting on you. Ready? Or need some time?

Neil
Oh, hi.

Logan
Hello!!

Neil
No, I’m here. I didn’t see your little green light. You hide, don’t you?

Logan
My little green light might not be on. I am not sure I hide.

Neil
OK, you ready. Gonna put my timer on?

Logan
I think sometimes the messaging thing can feel like high school if no one messages you. It feels like you’re less than. OK. Ready. Timer on? How much time anyways?

Neil
Hold that. 15 minutes. But it goes fast.

Logan
Ok. All yours!

Neil
OK, starting. Hi, Logan.

Logan
Hi Neil!!

Neil
I have to admit, you are #3 doing this, and I am most nervous with you.

Logan
Why are you nervous?

Neil
I probably know you the least. Mostly from doing the “Listen to Your Mother” show with you.

Logan
Oh. I get it. Well, I am not that scary, and I think an open book. And I have been feeling like it will be easy to talk with you.

Neil
But you want to know something. Since the others from the show aren’t here. When you walked into the room, there was something about you. That sounds like a bad pickup line.

Logan
About me? Really?

Neil
Yes.

Logan
Ha Ha.

Neil
First of all, if I remember, you were dressed from work, right?

Logan
Well I have to admit, I’m intrigued. What is it about me, because to tell you the truth, I easily feel inferior.

Neil
And you also traveled three hours there from upstate.

Logan
Yes. I came from my teaching job. Yup. Three hours away.

Neil
And there was a something to you.

Logan
Can you put your finger on it? Really? I’d love to know. I think my therapist would be jumping for joy right now.

Neil
You know, I do think there is something about chemistry… and not just talking in the romantic sense. I felt I “got you” from the minute you opened your mouth.

Logan
Oh, I completely agree. There are humans who just get other humans. It doesn’t have to be romantic. It’s funny. I felt the same about you.

Neil
You were funny. But even before I knew anything about you, there was a sense of real to you. And maybe a little darkness. Like you had lived life.

Logan
Yes. I have lived some life. There’s darkness. Don’t you think there is in everyone? OOOH! Not your mom!

Neil
And then you were telling everyone that you had like a twenty year old AND a three year old, and that was intriguing. I might have the ages wrong.

Logan
Two sons from a first marriage. First baby at 22. Second at 26. Third with second husband at 40.

Neil
Did you feel comfortable with all the big city folk? Do you consider yourself a smaller town girl?

Logan
I felt inferior. But that is a running theme in my life.

Neil
Ha ha, maybe I caught that. But I also felt that you actually knew more than everyone else.

Logan
I tried very hard to remember that I was chosen on the basis of my writing because I certainly didn’t have the credentials that you all had.

Neil
Ha ha, all our credentials! That makes me laugh.

Logan
Well, to me, the small town teacher, what you all do, just seems so much loftier. Tell me a little about your career credentials. They fascinated me in your intro.

Neil
I met two friends at dinner yesterday who came to the show and they specifically talked about your piece related to mental health.

Logan
Or…am I not supposed to ask you about you? How does this work? Me? Really? Well….I just wish the piece would catch the eyes and ears of someone who could change the laws.

Neil
Some of the best writers didn’t have credentials.

Logan
I think you are right about that.

Neil
I think we were discussing what happened in santa barbara, and one of them brought up your piece. I noticed that you had some opinions when everyone was talking about it over the last few days online.

Logan
It is a perfect example of what I was talking about in my piece. The parents’ hands were tied. They knew he was dangerous. The police hands were tied as well as far as what they could do. It is ludicrous and maddening that no one is willing to step up and change that.

Neil
It’s so funny when someone says they feel insecure. I know exactly how you feel, but all I want to do is tell you nonsense. But you can never tell yourself that. The whole debate over it online made me very uncomfortable as everyone searches to make sense. It always happens.

Logan
Yes. I sometimes feel like I should just shut my mouth on the topic. I don’t want to offend anyone, but honestly, this isn’t a gun issue or not just a gun issue. It’s a mental health issue.

Neil
No, you need to speak what you believe.

Logan
And so do you. I saw your post today. You surprise me.

Neil
But the sad thing is that because everyone has a strong way of viewing things, nothing ever gets done. It is more important that we are all right in our opinions and self identities than fixing anything.

Logan
I guess I am more cynical than you. I don’t think it has anything to do with strong opinions. I think it has to do with money. And the gun people have MUCH more than the mental health people.

Neil
What I wrote was different. You strongly believe what you said. I felt obligated to say something like it was homework. But then, someone can also point the finger at the media…. the violence…. the video games…. the rap music…. or whatever.

Logan
Oh. Yes. I can see how that is different. Although, I have to say, that your “homework” is always exemplary. Well thought through. But talking on social media shouldn’t feel like a chore.

Neil
Yes, but not paying the bills. I have never been very smart in using my online life for any monetary advancement. Have you?

Logan
No. It doesn’t. Do you freelance? Is there something that you are supposed to be writing that you have a deadline for?

Neil
Yes, but it is scripts.

Logan
I haven’t made much money off of my writing by using social media. I am just trying (like every other writer) to have a sturdy base. Scripts for what??

Neil
Darn it. Time is up. Let’s go another five minutes.

Logan
Ok. That was quick. Let’s go more!

Neil
Damn it. First i went ten minutes, then fifteen. Yes, time goes too fast.

Logan
See… no need for nerves! We have lots to discuss.

Neil
You realize that for me, this is actually a terrible idea for a blog post…

Logan
Why? I love this idea!

Neil
It is not that interesting for the reader. Yet I am intrigued.

Logan
So am I. Loved yours and Kizz’s. I am so sad I can’t come and see you all at Amy’s.

Neil
It goes totally against the idea of “interviewing” someone who is promoting a book. Yes, I just saw that today. We will call you on skype.

Logan
Correct. This doesn’t feel like an interview at all. Just a chat with a new friend.

Neil
Jeez, times goes so fast. This really makes you see how time flies.

Logan
Sheesh. So tell me something important.

Neil
I also like the weird breaking down barrier between public and private. And maybe this is a good excuse to talk to you. I don’t think I would say “let’s chat” without a reason. Not sure why.

Logan
Yes. I like talking with you, Neil. We need to keep doing it.

Neil
Maybe that is why you always hear me complain about social media.

Logan
So the convos will continue! Good.

Neil
It feels so intimate. But it isn’t because it is done publicly.

Logan
Well this is more intimate. Just two people.

Neil
And we are avoiding the issue that this will end up being public, by not mentioning it.

Logan
Thanks, btw.

Neil
I always find it weird when people talk to each other directly on twitter.

Logan
Twitter… it is weird.

Neil
And then I realize they are not really talking to each other…. they are doing it publicly. Because being seen talking is part of the experience. It is almost theatrical.

Logan
So are you ever going to tell me what “Stuck with” list on twitter means? Really, I have been paranoid.

Neil
Ha ha… it is all good. It is my list for when I am overwhelmed… so stuck with means… well, stuck with….

Logan
Ok. I like that.

Neil
At least it is better than categorizing you as “Mommy Blogger.” Do you consider yourself a mommy blogger?

Logan
I guess, I feel like your niche is what you write, do, feel best and strongest about.

Neil
I find it hard sometimes not have a niche as a blogger. I’m not a parent, and everyone else is a parent in parenting groups. I’m not even a good humor writer because I don’t have the temperament to remain consistently funny like my other humor writer friends. I’ve actually felt a little more into exploring being a man.

Logan
YES!!

Neil
Since I am in crowd of so many women. But is a little tough.

Logan
There is very little I see online about being a single man.

Neil
And just because because I am supposedly an “enlightened” guy…. I struggle with the same stuff that every man does… so even some of the misogyny stuff that was constantly retweeted this week bugged me after a while…

Logan
There aren’t a lot of enlightened men… you could really write about that.

Neil
I don’t want to write about the enlightened stuff. That is so boring to me. Everyone trying to prove how they are a better human being than the next guy, rather than looking within. Everything online reads like a public service announcement for children lately.  And I don’t trust anyone who presents a holier-than-thou attitude to the world.

Logan
no no…

Neil
There is this post I wrote… if I can find the link… maybe six years ago…

Logan
Write about being a single man. Your enlightenment is just naturally part of what you have to say.

Neil
…made a horrible stink.

Logan
Oooo… I love horrible stinks!

Neil
I told a honest story about some girl I liked in high school…

Logan
And…

Neil
…a whole group of us were in a car, and she flirted with my friend in the
backseat, so I turned around, put my hand on her thigh and said, “Is this what you want?” or something like that…. and made her cry.

Logan
Oh… Jeez… yup. Can see how that would be a problem with women.

Neil
This was over half my life ago. A long ago. The only time I acted so jealous and out of control.  This girl — woman now, with a family —  we follow each other on Facebook.

Logan
But raising a stink… is what gets you notoriety.

Neil
God no! Getting notoriety was the last thing on my mind. I got so much
shit… like it happened that night I wrote it on my blog. People said I was a predator.

Logan
A mistake made by a young man. YIKES!! That thought didn’t cross my mind.

Neil
…and that I had no right to tell the story.

Logan
Fringe…Fringe…there’s always people on the fringe.

Neil
People who previously ignored every one of my posts, not taking much interest in any of my funny stories, suddenly showed up to tell me I was a horrible person based on one post from my past, as if it was symbolic of every terrible thing any man had ever did in the world. I think it was especially shocking because I wrote it. Proving that under ever nice guy is a dangerous wolf.   It was so weird. Of course now, years later, I understand where all this anger came from. Women have been hurt so often by men.  Just felt unfair at the time becoming a scapegoat.

Logan
Yes. A nice guy…

Neil
I wasn’t trying to be controversial. I was trying to be MORE of a real
writer. I thought people would appreciate it!

Logan
What was the purpose?

Neil
To grow as a writer. Not to just post funny stuff, which was easier for me.

Logan
Ah. Real life. Revealing.

Neil
To find one of my worst moments and share it.  But I got the message that no
one wants that.   Because it becomes YOU.

Logan
Usually makes the best writing… but often the most controversial.

Neil
That is why you only hear stories bout being bullied.

Logan
I disagree.

Neil
No one ever is the bully.

Logan
You can’t let the fringe… stop you from writing what’s true. I entered a contest. It was called America’s Next Top Writer. I entered a story about the day my husband left me.

Neil
hmmm…

Logan
I had had an affair…

Neil
You see, you are brave…

Logan
My parents were mortified.

Neil
And were you judged poorly that you wrote this?

Logan
My ex husband…trashed the house before leaving. He was abusive… and I called my parents to get help. I was pretty isolated. My parents were, “You made your bed… lie in it.” And my parents FLIPPED that I wrote that story and entered it into the contest. I won.

Neil
Oh, wow.

Logan
5000 dollars and a publishing contract. And the next day…

Neil
You are America’s next top model?! I mean writer?

Logan
They took my winnings away.

Neil
Huh?

Logan
And said that my parents threatened a law suit.

Neil
OMG.

Logan
The contract that I signed said that they had a right to change their minds. And they did because they were scared.  But… that didn’t stop me. I published it in an anthology for women who have been abused.

Neil Kramer
Good for you.  Wow. The timer just rang. 20 minutes are up. Wow. Wow. Wow. What a way to end this.  I am impressed with you.   Maybe we could have been more focused in the beginning, but this is how we talk. I knew we had that in common! We go off topic.

Logan
So… Neil and Logan are now friends because we did this funky blog post.

Neil
Thank you, Logan.