Let me just say that I’m not mad at Cindy for last week. She was only looking out for me. She DID invite me to the Mother’s Day picnic in Central Park with her other friends. She just thought I would be uncomfortable as the only woman there without a husband or kids. Did I really want to endure all these crazy kids running around screaming at the top of their lungs? She was probably right. Better to meet her alone on some weekday night, when she has more time, for a quiet dinner or movie.
My other friend, Dagney, of course, thought Cindy was rude, but couldn’t even understand why I would want to go somewhere I wasn’t wanted or treated like a second class citizen. Dagney really loves being single and not stuck at home with kids. She can’t stand Cindy, who is always mom-this and mom-that. Dagney has a whole group of forty year old women, all of them career women without kids, who go out each Friday night together, living it up like the women in Sex in the City. More power to them! I love Dagney, and I don’t blame her for never inviting me along on these women night outs. She’s right about me. I’m too much of a downer, and I wouldn’t fit in with others. I’m also not successful enough. They only go to expensive places.
It’s like I don’t belong with the women who are moms because I’m childless, and don’t belong with the fun-loving independent women because life seems empty without a family. Sometimes I don’t feel like a woman at all.