Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Will Meryl Streep Ever Follow Me On Twitter?

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Tonight is Oscar night, which brings up the same question I have asked myself again and again over the last seven years — “Will Meryl Streep ever follow me back on Twitter?” Or let me ask this in another way — “If I go my entire life without Meryl Streep following me back on Twitter, will I view my existence on earth as somewhat of a failure?”

I rarely dream about being followed back on Twitter. I know you care a lot about this.   I see you.  I see how you ass-kiss celebrities in the hope that they will validate your life.  I’m not impressed with that many people online.  OK, once I stalked someone. Yes, it was you Bon Stewart. I read one of your blog posts back when you wrote normal posts not about your crazy dissertation, and I went onto Twitter and asked, “Does anyone know this person? Because I want to know her.” And within an hour we were following each other on Twitter.

I don’t think this approach will work with Meryl Streep.  Meryl Streep is not as “easy” as you.

Celebrities tend to only follow back OTHER celebrities. Sometimes I see that they follow some journalist or author so they can appear intelligent to their fans, the online equivalent of Jessica Alba going to the gym wearing librarian glasses. Of course, celebrities only follow  other famous people when they are at a career high.  If a celebrity, journalist, or author gets in trouble for a inappropriate tweet or has a nervous breakdown on TMZ, then Goodbye Charlie.  As a CAA agent once told me during an interview, “Winners ONLY associate with winners.  That’s what Hollywood is about.  Period.”

Imagine the stress celebrites must feel not following us all back. We find it hard juggling 300 friends on Facebook. Imagine having people wanting your autograph and photo every time you walk into an Arby’s. I can understand why Meryl Streep might want to hide from her fans.

But me too, Meryl?

I like to look over the following lists of celebrities.   I’m always wondering, “Don’t celebrities have any friends outside of other celebrities? Don’t they have any annoying friends left over from grade school, or an Aunt Tilly in Tulsa that they are forced to follow on Twitter because their mother told them it was polite.”

It’s as if once you reach celebrity status, you can’t use social media for anything other than being a celebrity. I’m sure Meryl Streep would love to engage with me and talk about my instagram filters, but she just CAN’T — “says her business manager.”

Meryl, is that true?

Here is some article on “How to Make a Celebrity Follow You on Twitter.”

But honestly, do you really think any type of “engagement” or mere gimmick is going to win over Meryl Streep.   She’s not an idiot.   She went to Yale.   My movie buff friend Danny Miller interviewed Meryl Streep, AND could quote lines from Sophie’s Choice to her all night long, and Meryl Streep still doesn’t even him!

Perhaps this is my motivation to finish this dumb screenplay I’ve been working on forever. If I can change the stoned twenty-something character to a beautiful and sophisticated fifty year old artisan bakery owner, perfect for Meryl, and we can get her to agree to the part, maybe…. just maybe… but then again, I don’t think actresses even follow the screenwriters of their films. It’s a step down in the hierarchy. Way down.

I need to accept that Meryl Streep will never follow me back on Twitter. And what do I need her for anyway? I love all the friends that DO follow me back, and I would never trade any of you in for the greatest living actress.

OK, I would.

7 Comments

  1. I remember way back when twitter first started, and the really cool bloggers only followed about 25 people each, even though they had thousands of followers. It was like they had a velvet rope around their twitter feeds – you can glimpse my fabulous conversation, but you may not join in! They eventually got over it, and I eventually got over being pissed at them about it. Almost.

  2. Jessica Alba going to the gym in librarian glasses – best. I am so star stuck by Meryl that I can’t even bear to follow HER, never mind the other way around. Keep reaching for the stars, Neil.

  3. I didn’t know she was on Twitter. I used to follow a lot of famous people, but I’ve whittled it down significantly because they don’t/can’t interact in the way that I like my Twitter to behave, if that makes sense. (Which it probably doesn’t, because I have a ginormous headache and probably shouldn’t be staring at my computer right now.)

    Now I mostly follow college football players. And you, of course.

  4. If only Meryl Streep knew what a crush you had on her!

    I never really followed any celebrities because there’s no chance of ever talking to them, and I just want to talk to people. As for your CAA agent, he’s obviously never met Rob Ford, the #embattledNOTembattled Mayor of Toronto. This guy could snort coke off a newborn baby’s cheek and get away with it.

  5. I followed you on twitter, you followed me back. Then you unfollowed me.

    Too bad too because I could be one step away from Meryl Streep. You just never know how people are connected.

    P.S. I bet she has a real account with a fake name where she follows Aunt Mildred. Maybe you can crack the code. Maybe she is following you right now and you unfollowed her too. Weirder things have happened.

  6. What SueBob said, to a point. I think that’s true. And even when friendship is “confirmed” or someone follows back, it can feel like being at a cocktail party, walking up to a group during a discussion, attempting to interject, and having no one respond – only to each other. It sends a mixed message. Does the group view this person as a stalker? Unimportant? Not a part of the inner circle and therefore, membership is closed? So why allow them to listen in? Social media can be somewhat of an anomaly.

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