Politically Correct Instagram Photography

“Hello, would you mind if I take a photo of you walking across the street in that sexy polka dot dress so I can put it on Istagram, a photo sharing app on the internet, so thousands of strangers can view it under the title “NYC Woman I Wish I Could Shag?”

“Sure. Sounds like an interesting project. And I am a patron of the arts. I even subscribe to the New Yorker.”

“Great. I just need for you to initial this contract on the dotted lines.  Please be aware that I reserve all rights to change the color of the photo, including the ability to transform the image into black and white purely for dramatic effect. But let me assure you that making this color choice is purely a creative decision, and has no bearing on whether YOU are black or white, because I do not base my “NYC Woman I Wish I Could Shag” photos on skin color, ethnicity, or native language.”

“Thank you for being so open to different cultures.”

“I believe it is my duty as an artist.  Now please put your initials here, allowing me to have exclusive rights to both the digital and print versions of your image as you walk across the street in your sexy polka dot dress, and the ability to reproduce this photo in various sizes. And by size, I mean the resolution of the image, and not YOUR size, because I strongly believe that a “NYC Woman I Wish I Could Shag” can be beautiful in any size from thin to curvy girl.”

“I wish there were more men like you who understood that women can be sexy in all shapes and sizes.”

“I believe it is artistic temperment that allows me to see beyond the cultural mores of the day.”

“You are terrific!”

“Thank you. Your support means a lot to me.  Now please check this box here, acknowledging to those viewing the photo that this image is completely spontaneous, and that you in no way changed your natural appearance or demeanor as you crossed the street as a “”NYC Woman I Wish I Could Shag,” despite you first signing a permission form, or accepting the one or two slight recommendations that were offered to you, such as the suggestion that you open up a second button on your blouse, a matter solely related to artistic effect, with little bearing on the true authenticity of the photograph.”

“Absolutely. Authenticity in artistic expression is soooo important to me. So, just two buttons?  I just wish I had wore a bra today!”

“Don’t worry about that.  I appreciate the authenticity.”

“Thank you!   I love the way you are approaching me with this photo you are about to take titled “NYC Woman I Wish I Could Shag.”  So many other men would take the photo secretly without even asking permission.  How rude and arrogant!”

“Perverts! Peeping Toms, I call them. Now, I just need your signature at the bottom of the contract, and then we can proceed with me taking your photo of you crossing the street in the polka dot dress as the “”NYC Woman I Wish I Could Shag.” But please note, that when I ask for your signature, any type of text-based symbol would suffice, because I aware that many in modern society have reading disorders or dyslexia, so I wouldn’t want to embarrass you or cause you discomfort by asking for your full signature.

“You are such a doll!  So considerate.   I wish all street photographers were like this!  Let’s take that photo and put it online!”

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12 Responses to Politically Correct Instagram Photography

  1. Karl says:

    Ha, brilliant. I, for one, love your Instagram feed…contracts or no. I think street photography is an art.

  2. Nancy P says:

    Perfection!

  3. Jane Gassner says:

    I’m practicing baking a cake that will hold a file so I can bring it to you when they’ve got you at Rikers. Hey, just think of the Instagrams you could take there!

  4. Beth says:

    I’d love to see this in person! Can you send me info on the area….will be in the city in a few weeks. Daughter has a fascination with grafitti! Great photo!

  5. 180|360 says:

    HAHA! Very funny, Neil.

  6. GrandeMocha says:

    Where is the picture of ”NYC Woman I Wish I Could Shag.” ?

  7. Irish Gumbo says:

    (bellylaugh) Nice picture! And spot-on satire, Neil. Loved it.

  8. Jennifer says:

    Love this. And wish there was such a photo – I like the sound of her dress! ;) In the meantime, great graffiti image.

  9. subWOW says:

    I love the pictures you took also. There is a love for your fellow human beings that you encountered coming through in these pictures. (yes, try as you may, I don’t buy this misanthrope front you put up…)

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