I only took a carry-on with me to LAX yesterday because going to BlogHer was a last minute decision. The health of my father-in-law, Vartan, was still shaky. He had just started with hospice. I got my boarding pass from the Virgin America machine and went through security. I was about to put my shoes back on, post security, when Sophia called me on the phone. She was crying. Vartan had passed away. Sophia, who had dropped me off at the airport no longer than ten minutes ago, returned to pick me up. We drove to her parents’ home. The hospice nurse came to pronounce Vartan dead. The nurse was a very caring Filipino who hugged everyone he met. Soon after, the same sober-looking, deep-voiced guy from the funeral home who came to pick up Sophia’s mother just a month and a half ago, now came for Vartan.
The caregiver, who only knew him a short time, was in tears.
Vartan was an uber-impressive man. A cancer surgeon in Russia, a chess player, a cook, a cabinet maker; a devoted and patient husband to Fanya. I bonded with Vartan in ways I didn’t with Fanya — we both had to deal with “dramatic women,” as wives, and we frequently gave each other knowing glances.
The last seven months have been a slow and painful decline for Vartan. He and Fanya aged 20 years each in less than a year. It was so very sad to watch. I’ve seen and done things I would not have expected to encounter just a year ago. In some ways, I think it is better now that Vartan is in a happier place, with his beloved Fanya. Today is the funeral. Vartan and Fanya will be buried in the same plot of land.
Sophia has now lost both parents in a short amount of time. The hospice MD sent Sophia this SMS: Tried to call you. I’m sorry and my condolences. God’s peace & comfort w u. You are truly a wonderful person and one of the most caring I ever met.”
This has been one hard year for Sophia. If you want her address or email, contact me at neilochka at yahoo dot com or @neilochka on Twitter.
Neil I am so very sorry for your and Sophia’s loss. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with this remarkable man. Please know you’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. May time bring peace and comfort.
Audrey at Barking Mad posted Why
Neil,
I am so very sorry for you and Sophia.
deezee posted With My Dad
Oh no. I’m so sorry, for both of you. Two in six weeks…that’s too much.
Kerry posted How Can It Be The Dark Ages When My Screen Is All Lit Up
I hope that Fanya and Vartan are dancing somewhere, even if she’s leading. My deepest condolences to Sophia and you. Blessings.
Chris posted Tough Negotiator
So, so sorry, the double loss in so short a period of time is unfathomable. Much love to Sophia. I like the image of the two of them dancing together somewhere.
So, so sorry for you both. I can’t imagine losing both parents within a year much less a month. My prayers are with you both as well as the rest of the family.
I am sorry, that’s too much. Look after her, and yourself. I lost my mum and that was difficult enough. Love to both of you. Di
Di posted The August Break Summer Series of Photographs
So so sorry, Neil. What a lovely picture of Sophia with her dad, though. Deepest condolences to you both.
Gurukarm (@karma_musings) posted What to Read Next… if you- or someone in your life- are 5ish – or even if not!
My condolences to you and Sophia, Neil. May Vartan and Fanya be dancing somewhere.
Sorry to hear about this. These last few years have been rough for both of you.
Rhea posted Answer These Fun Ethical Questions See What Kind of a Person You Really Are
While I know it is profoundly hard for Sophia right now, I can only imagine it is something of relief after such a long, stressful, painful fight.
I am so sorry. xo
Finn posted Heart
Even the most fulsome and heartfelt condolences can’t begin to make a dent in the sadness you must both feel. What a huge burden of grief! No matter how well one prepares oneself, the sheer shock of this experience will overpower you. Let it. As I sometimes have said, grief is shock and shock is physical. Both your bodies and your spirits will need rest. Give yourself a reprieve from the stresses of daily life for a while. And remember that there are those (as you may recall from an earlier post) who can only imagine what it’s like, and feel for you.
headbang8 posted Photo Friday- Sky High
those pictures. his face.
his timing.
shaking my head at life, at the strangeness we reap, at the love that connects and abides even in unexpected circumstances.
i am so very sorry for your loss. to Sophia, more than i can say.
i send you both love, and wish you strength weathering the next part of this journey.
Bon posted writers in a dangerous time
There aren’t appropriate words. Please tell Sophia that you all are being hugged and loved and prayed for.
Heather posted Overwhelmed
I’m so, so sorry for both of you.
My maternal grandparents passed away 5 weeks apart while I was pregnant with my first baby. It was incredibly hard for my mother, and hard to help her get through it while dealing with my own grief. Peace and strength, Neil. I’m afraid you’ll need it.
Neil –
My condolences to you and Sophia. Like you, I hope that he’s found his way to Fanya and they’re already having a great time wherever they are.
I am so very sorry. I cannot imagine the grief she must be feeling.
thordora posted Before a secret is told- one can often feel the weight of it in the atmosphere
Hearfelt condolences to Sophia and you.
What a terrible time of going through those repeated losses, may you find comfort and soon consolation and be strong. Thoughts and love.
Otir posted Dr O Ivar Lovaas has passed away
I’m so sorry. Please give my condolences to your wife. He sounded like a wonderful man.
Condolences to you and Sophia. Be there for each other.
My heart goes out to you, and especially Sophia. So much loss so fast, I can’t even wrap my mind around it. Sending love to you both.
Thinking of you and Sophia…
so very sorry for all of the losses this year. please email me her info. thanks.
This makes me so sad. Peace to your both!
Baruch Dayan Emet. Very sorry to hear about Vartan.
Neil, I’m so sorry for your and Sophia’s loss. Keep the happy memories foremost in your mind.
oh my dear Sophia & Neil – my love to you both.
I’m so sorry. They both sound like they were remarkable people. And they (and we) are fortunate that they have had some wonderful people surrounding them recently.
I wish you both much comfort during these tough times…
shiny posted An Open Letter to a Grieving Friend
My deepest condolences to you and Sophia, Neil. I love the picture you posted – it says a lot.
Rima posted We Have a Hot Glue Gun
My deepest condolences to the both of you. I wish stickers could help at a time like this.
Oh, Neil.
How difficult to lose both parents in such a short time. My condolences to Sophia and to you.
claire posted Im not going to apologize
That’s just too much for anyone to bear in such a short period of time. My condolences to you both.
Mo posted BlogHer No More Like LoseHer
Deepest sympathy to you both.
Oh, I’m so sorry for you and Sophia. I can’t imagine my parents dying, though I’m sure since they’re both 80, it’s just around the corner. I wish you both peace and comfort.
Really feel for Sophia and you at this news. He sounds like a remarkable man. So very sorry.
Deer Baby posted Sarah
So sorry to hear of your loss. My condolences to you both, and an extra hug for Sophia.
lizardek posted THE KIDS OF SUMMER
My heart goes out to Sophia. Be good to yourselves.
Juli Ryan posted Is BlogHer like a sorority
I’m so sorry for you and for Sophia. God bless.
Shelli posted Rude Awakening
Wishing you and Sophia grace during these difficult times. Two in such a short period of time must be incredibly hard and stressful — hang tough, brother man.
so sorry for you and Sophia’s loss.
look after each other.
That is so much loss and so compounded. It breaks my heart. I’ll email you for Sophia’s info.
Love to you, friend.
sizzle posted Of Note
He sounds like a wonderful man. Hoping that you and Sophia find comfort in the shared memories of his life.
Erin posted A Veritable Smorgasbord Orgasbord
Very sorry to hear this. Condolences to Sophia and you.
Karl posted Nothing to See Here
I am so very sorry, Neil. Your posts about both Fanya and Vartan have truly touched me and I feel lucky to have gotten to know them, on some tiny little scale, through your writing. They seem to have been amazing people. As are you and Sophia. My thoughts are with you both during such a sad time.
sarah posted Oh- Those Crazy Supermodels
my sincerest condolences to you & Sophia.Wishing you comfort and peace during this diffucult time. hugs & prayers.
My condolences to you and Sophia. I hope that knowing Vartan and Fanya are together again brings Sophia some comfort. You’re in my thoughts.
Stacey posted Adjusting
So sorry for your loss. Big hugs to both of you….
Haley-O (Cheaty) posted Cheaty Goes to BlogHer- NYC!
I’m so sorry for your loss – for both you and Sophia. I would have given you my condolences at BlogHer if I was not behind in my feed reader. So sorry.
Megan Howard posted 2-51 am
Oh Neil. I just now saw this. I’m so so so sorry. Love to you and Sophia.
Headless Mom posted Me on Diets in Review
I was so sorry to hear about this when I saw you on Sunday. Please give my condolences to Sophia.