some folks haven’t realized yet that it’s ok to come out and talk about it so they make fun of us that do.

i read here for so many reasons. you always have your finger on the pulse of the mommybloggers…the pace of the internet…the real reasons people do things. i like how you can restate and reveal things. in this case, i do think you are right.

i really started blogging in the early months with my twins, when i was isolated and battling ppd and so fucking scared that i was doing things wrong. did i write that in my posts? nope. just nice little monthly letters to them (an idea i think i lifted from dooce). but the comments from others made me feel better, seen and heard and not so sad. as that situation eased, so did some of my blog dependence. but i do find i am addicted to that little bump that i get from comments and @ and nice email replies…it feels good.

a recent radio piece verified this. the reporter spoke about the effect that logging in and finding these things does to our brains…it gives a little jolt of dopamine, the feel good neurotransmitter. so, it is literally helping dispel the fear by bringing in the pleasure. but then, so does heroin. so i guess we just have to be really careful.

I DO think it’s important to look at the why behind the term “attention whore”. I mean, if bloggers are attention whores, than so is every other writer of any kind from now until forever, backwards and forwards. Also, every musician (ok, well that probably is true), artist, speaker, leader, and so on. So, is it about being an “attention whore”? For some, in all those categories, yes. For many others, it seems like a very human need to connect and to share our stories. We’ve been doing that for a long time, blogs just gave us a new tool.

And yet, when I read some people’s blogs, I see some truth in that label. After all, some of the most popular bloggers are talking about themselves, their every little thought, and it’s pretty personal, and pretty random. And snarky. Gawd am I sick of snark. It has it’s place, but there are pages and pages of endless snark out there on the internet, and really, is it THAT funny? So while I like those particular blogs in sound bites from time to time, I can only stomach so much. Some blogs are like Paris Hilton on crack.

But then there are lots and lots of little blogs that are meant just for friends and family, to document certain events in our lives, or to share ideas ad creativity. Is that attention whoring? Or is it what we humans do?

As far as the true attention whores go. Well, it’s certainly a product of our culture, a huge cult of narcissism and narcissist worship. We’ve created this division where you’re either worshiping or being worshiped, and we’re all desperate to figure out which side of that fence we’re on, and it drives people to obsessional sharing, and in a way that may or may not be healthy or true to the core of the person.

I’m still wondering what a lot of these kids will be like, that grew up in this weird blogosphere spotlight. Mmmm, perhaps a little attention whore-y? Who knows.

I have, however, said the instant validation in blogging is very important to me. That the instantaneous reaction to my writing (vs. the other kind of writing I do where I may never hear anything at all) is heady, addictive stuff.

I also appreciate this supportive community that’s there whenever I need it, even when our relationship becomes one-sided (which of course makes me feel guilty as hell.) But at times like that, it’s not about the writing–it’s about me saying something like “my dog just died” and having a hundred people reach out to me in minutes. It feels good. It helps. Is that the attention whore part?

I just don’t know. Maybe, like you imply, I’m deluding myself.