I had lunch on Sunday with my mother and Laura, the friend who went with my mother on the recent Alaskan cruise. I hadn’t seen Laura in a while. She was the one who made the arrangement for the trip.
Neil: Did you enjoy the Alaskan cruise?
Neil: What was your favorite part?
Neil: I think Mom liked the food the best!
Mom: Ha Ha. You’re right!
Neil: When my mother came back, I asked her to tell me all about Alaska, and she spent most of the time talking about the food.
Mom: It was too much, even for me. You could eat 24 hours a day, even at midnight. This man at our table would order three entrees every night — meat, chicken, lobster. That’s just not healthy.
Laura: I tried to limit myself.
Mom: Me, too. I still put on ten pounds. From now on, I’m good.
Laura: There were plenty who were a lot worse than us.
Mom: Remember when that woman from Seattle came to the table with a big tray of ten desserts, and I thought, “How nice. She’s bringing one for everyone at the table,” and then we found out that they were all for her!”
Laura: She would have slapped you if you went near her dessert. People went crazy with the food.
Neil: Mom said the glaciers weren’t as impressive as in the brochure.
Mom: They looked more like rocks with snow on them.
Laura: Well, it was that time of year.
Neil: It was funny how on the Princess Cruise website, they show the ship sailing between what look like the icebergs from the Titanic movie.
Mom: They also never show you the five OTHER cruise ships that are there at the same exact time you are.
Laura: But it was a lot of fun. We played some trivial games with some other passengers. Some never even left the ship!
Elaine: We loved this train ride up… where was this…?
Laura: I don’t remember. It was nice.
Elaine: And the entertainment was Las Vegas quality. Maybe not the Belaggio quality, but one of the lesser casinos.
Neil: Did you see any whales?
Mom: That was funny. One day, they said “Whale on the right side,” on the loudspeaker, so everyone ran — and all you could see was a fin.
Neil: On the website, they show whales jumping out of the water and eating snacks from the hands of the passengers. Liars.
Laura: But it was delightful.
Elaine: It was. The people of Alaska are very nice.
Neil: How many Alaskans did you meet?
Elaine: The tour guides.
Neil: Do you think the glaciers are smaller now because of global warming?
Laura: I don’t believe in that Al Gore stuff.
Neil: Why not?
Laura: I saw another show where they said it is a natural occurence. We had an Ice Age once before and now the weather is changing again.
Neil: What do you think, Mom?
Mom: I believe in global warming. Too many cars. Whenever I go to LA, everyone has three cars.
Laura: I don’t believe in the whole “green” thing.
Mom: I do, but some of it — I have to admit — is just plain stupid.
Neil: Like what?
Mom: Like they say, “Don’t take the plastic bag at the grocery store. Take the paper bag.” Now if I take the paper bag, where am I going to throw my garbage in the kitchen? The paper bag will just fall apart. So, then I will end up buying Hefty plastic bags to throw out my garbage, and it’ll be the exact same thing, except before – I could have gotten the plastic bags for free. Right?
Neil: You know, you make a good point, Mom. I don’t know the answer to that question.
Mom: Why don’t you write THAT on your blog?