This Time, It’s For the Women

The big question on my mind after yesterday’s post was “What type of pornography do women like?”  After doing extensive research and interviewing several female bloggers on Facebook chat while offering unsuccessfully to show them my new “web-cam,” I now can present the results. 

The methology used was completely scientific, and included questions such as, “What do you fantasize about when you make love to your husband?” and “What visual stimuli gives you the most intense orgasm?”

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78 Responses to This Time, It’s For the Women

  1. Definitely the bag.
    Never have been a big Jake G fan. Incidentally, is that a mug shot? snort.

  2. Leesa says:

    Eh.. I’ll pass on the shoes, but chocolate and Jake’s a nice choice.

  3. John says:

    Hahaha. Oh Jesus. You had to go and open the flood gates didn’t you Neil. I’ve already heard a fair share of comments to the effect of “wanting Jake Gyllenhaal wrapped in a spinach tortilla,” etc., etc. Glad to know at least crashtestmommy doesn’t want to eat him. I would feel better about being with a woman who fantasized about sparkly shoes rather than Jake.

  4. ingrid says:

    i’ll just take jake. thanks. nomnomnom. (actually quite surprised, perhaps naively, to my reaction to that picture.) oh but yummy…

  5. Poppy says:

    My pornography comes almost exclusively from here. That orange is sexxxxxxxy. RAWR.

    I hate shopping for clothes and accessories and shoes, btw. Blech.

  6. natalie says:

    none of those things does it for me. i think i’ll just leave it at that…leave you guessing.

  7. MammaLoves says:

    Well I prefer Patrick Dempsey, but Jake’s not so bad.

  8. V-Grrrl says:

    Jake. But the other night I had a dream about Patrick Dempsey and you know, he’s OK too.

    I don’t like to shop, but Neil, last week I read the results of some research/survey that indicated women spend more time thinking about shopping than sex.

    Those women? Perverts.

    I never think about shopping, and I always think about……..

  9. Noelle says:

    Well, you lost me on this one. Not that I’d reject any of those items (except the shoes, ouch!) it’s just that is not what it takes to get me aroused.

  10. skcitygirl says:

    so i actually did get excited when i saw the bag. my pulse quickened.

    i think you’re going to find jake was the wrong man. while he is attractive there are so many other celebrity men who would excite a girl more than jake.

    but you were right on shoes and a bag do it for me every time.

  11. Pumpkin says:

    You will have to ask my husband about that one. ;)

  12. zombie mom says:

    I am all about the shoes and then the purse – I can pass on the chocolate and Jake…. and I had to choose one – the shoes for sure…

    That said, I once tagged along on a writing gig that was all about porn made for women by women. It was a total trip..

  13. The chocolate looks good, but you have the wrong guy. How about George Clooney instead.

  14. linda woods says:

    OMG definitely NOT Jake or those hideous shoes. The chocolate is good, tho.

  15. None of the above. I prefer not to think…. ;)

  16. Florencia says:

    I have to say it’s kinda odd for you to be thinking about porn so much while living with your mother. Just sayin’…

  17. Megan says:

    I’m afraid I find Jake Gyllenhall incredibly ugly. Honestly I cannot see why he is a sex symbol. A good actor, sure, but ugly as fuck!

    You should post Ralph Fiennes instead. :-)

  18. mommypie says:

    Believe it or not I loathe shopping. And chocolate? Eh, I’m more of a SweetTarts kind of gal.

    But Jake? Gimme a spoon. YUM. That mugshot is hot.

  19. anymommy says:

    Thanks, Neil. A good offering. But what you need is more selection. Different women respond to different abs, uh I mean fantasies. Jake isn’t my thing.

    Here you go – a little variety:

  20. Diane says:

    Oh, please, the SHOES, definitely.

  21. Rhi says:

    For sure the bag. FOR SURE.

  22. Jane says:

    Florencia cracked me up.

    Shoes – not my style
    Bag – um, no.
    Godiva – only if it were the actual chocolates and not the biscuits.
    Jake – not my choice of gender.

    Now, maybe if you had shown V-Grrrl, wearing a smart pair of Doc Martens and holding a sackful of French baguettes and a box of Italian chocolates… Maybe then I could get a little excited. As it is, yawn to all of the above.

  23. ACG says:

    My happy thought:

    Heading over to Jake’s house in my new shoes and my bag full of Godiva.

    And I leave my new shoes on… just my new shoes.

    (and he wears a Star of David in my happy thoughts)

  24. ali says:

    ew. NOT jake. ew.
    but, i do appreciate his chevrons. :)

  25. kenju says:

    Well…..not THOSE shoes or bag….but definitely that is in the right vicinity! Never been a Jake fan, but there are plenty of guys that can do it for me…LOL

  26. Jane says:

    BTW? My favorite kind of porn?

    The interactive kind. :-)

  27. Loralee says:

    Yup, pretty much. The porn that will not get you banned from Google or create religious groups to circulate petitions.

  28. Therese says:

    GREAT. Now I am lusting after chocolate, and that bag. Lllllluuuuuuussssssssttttttiiiinnnnnnnggg.

  29. Neil says:

    And a special award goes to John at Buddha on the Road for being the only man tough enough to comment on this post.

    Women, check him out. He’s not bad-looking either.

  30. miguelina says:

    Me likey the bag.

  31. Bec says:

    The shoes – not into that much pain.
    The bag – that’s not big enough for my MacBook
    The biscuits – too small and far too much ‘pollutant’ of the chocolate
    The Gyllenhall – he’s just not David Tennant.

    But good try. Now drill me drill me drill me!

  32. Mattie says:

    Nope. No quickening of the heart. No sounds of my heart pounding in my ears.


  33. HeyJoe says:

    I just came. Um, I mean, where are the tits Neil? You going fem on us or what?

  34. Non-Highlighted Heather says:

    Hahaha. This elicited some great comments. I’ll take Jake any day. Or his sister for that matter. But not at the same time, they might think that was kinda ooky.

  35. MCS says:

    That’s about right . . . Now get them for me!

  36. Ellen Bloom says:

    Yes to all of the above as stimulants. HOWEVER, what REALLLLLY turns me on is this slide show of yarn:

    Oooooo, baby, baby!

  37. TRO says:


    When are you going to give up trying to figure out what turns women on? Or even trying to understand them in general It’s a losing battle. No man has ever won it.

    The best one can do is fool them for long enough to get laid.

  38. Neil says:

    Ellen — the funny thing is that I actually believe you.

  39. Definitely the bag. I’m a bag whore all the way.

  40. Christine says:

    Oh, oh, ooooh…the BAG!

  41. Winter says:

    Jake’s okay. I prefer Marcus Schenkenberg though. And a designer purse does give me the O’s but not that one. I prefer my Dooney and Bourke giraffe purse. I LOVE my purse. I would sleep with it if I didn’t think it would ruin it.

  42. AnnieH says:

    Hmmmmmm…any way I could see Jake wearing the shoes while I’m letting the chocolate melt in my mouth?? Is that behind curtain #3??

  43. i’m all about shoes and purses, not those particular ones mind you, but shoes and purses do it for me.

  44. Memarie Lane says:

    Dude- no ice cream???

  45. Neil says:

    Memarie — C’mon, ice cream is a total cliche… unlike shoes, purses, chocolate, and hot actors.

    And you know, you inspired this post with your comments yesterday.

  46. angellee says:

    I wouldn’t need to wear those ridiculuos shoes if I had Jake.

  47. Where’s the button to make this site my homepage?

  48. wendy says:

    So off the mark for me! I like music, banter…and eye contact..

    Nothin that comes from a store.

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