Comments on: Today I Am a Woman

By: stefanie

stefanie — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 23:44:20 +0000

Neil, thanks for calling me “hipster.” I’ve been rocking the tramp stamp and listening to Emo on my Nano all day. I actually thought you represented pretty well as a woman. But you know where you went wrong? As a MAN. In your comments you said “you should see the ass on this hot Korean woman” Korean women don’t have asses. Even a woman knows that.

By: Stacey

Stacey — Sat, 31 May 2008 15:24:08 +0000

Where are the pictures of your adorable children? Have any good cookie recipes to share?

By: Kathie

Kathie — Sat, 31 May 2008 05:06:16 +0000

Well, this was a confusing day to start reading your blog! But I think I’ve got it figured out now…looking forward to reading more!

By: Dagny

Dagny — Sat, 31 May 2008 05:00:33 +0000

Sure you’re a size 12. Please, you know that you’re really a 20. Lying ass bitch!

(This is based upon some of the CL ad answers I received back in the days when I first started blogging. Because the first blog for which I wrote discussed CL ads. And after some time we thought that it would be kind of fun to post our own ads just to see the answers that we would get.)

And even I, who wears an “acceptable” size, have not chosen to include it in my profile. That just seems too desperate. And as a “Samantha,” I’m far from desperate.

By: Christine

Christine — Sat, 31 May 2008 04:48:56 +0000

Dude, I need your advice. I think my girlfriend is pissed at me.

By: miguel(ina)

miguel(ina) — Sat, 31 May 2008 00:47:43 +0000

What are you complaining about? You get to live the life while your husband’s out working all day. Time to quit yer whining and put on your big girl panties, sweetheart.

(And, uh, send me a picture when you do.)

By: Neil

Neil — Fri, 30 May 2008 23:23:50 +0000

180/360 — It is sort of odd that when I became a woman, I decided to become an insecure mother rather than a sexy outgoing model, or something more glamorous. I wonder why…

By: 180/360

180/360 — Fri, 30 May 2008 23:03:09 +0000

Another fucking mommyblogger- just what the world needs. Given the chance, I bet I could bring out that old Neilochka; the one that would get drunk, dance like a stripper and give the greatest blowjob known to mankind.

By: Neil

Neil — Fri, 30 May 2008 22:31:28 +0000

I met her in a club down in old Soho
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola [LP version: Coca-Cola]
See-oh-el-aye cola
She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said Lola
El-oh-el-aye Lola la-la-la-la Lola

Well I’m not the world’s most physical guy
But when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

Well we drank champagne and danced all night
Under electric candlelight
She picked me up and sat me on her knee
And said dear boy won’t you come home with me
Well I’m not the world’s most passionate guy
But when I looked in her eyes well I almost fell for my Lola
La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
I pushed her away
I walked to the door
I fell to the floor
I got down on my knees
Then I looked at her and she at me

Well that’s the way that I want it to stay
And I always want it to be that way for my Lola
La-la-la-la Lola
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It’s a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola
La-la-la-la Lola

Well I left home just a week before
And I’d never ever kissed a woman before
But Lola smiled and took me by the hand
And said dear boy I’m gonna make you a man

Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man
But I know what I am and I’m glad I’m a man
And so is Lola
La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

By: melanie

melanie — Fri, 30 May 2008 22:28:32 +0000

btw, you write better woman than I do.. i am ashamed of my representation skills as a woman..

beacon… of… shame…

good stuff neil.