Tell All

via Publishers Weekly:  In the tradition of the tell-all, screw the loyalty, backstabbing, I wanna write a book and tell the truth now that I have a book deal, even though I was too wimpy to do so when I was there sucking up to the Man, tradition of “What Happened — Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception,” by Bush spokesperson Scott McClellan, “Behind the Oval Office” by Clinton aide/prostitute-lover Dick Morris, and countless other memoirs by bloggers lucky enough to obtain impossible-to-get glamour jobs in law, publishing, and the entertainment fields, who then turn around and betray the trust of their former bosses and co-workers, comes Neil Kramer’s new book, “Behind the Blogosphere:  What Other Bloggers Really Tell Me.” 

In his three years of blogging, Mr. Kramer, or “Neilochka from Redondo Beach” as he was known online, kept backup copies of every IM conversation, Twitter, email, and blog comment he was ever involved in — right on his computer in his office in Chicago, discussing the intimate details of the lives of his “blogging friends.”

“I carefully created this “Neilochka” personality,” said Mr. Kramer, “using the the Britten-Margolis Personality Quadrant, making sure that this character seemed open, friendly, and sensitive to the needs of others, especially to that of women.  In fact, one of my first posts was about “Neilochka” vehemently insisting that women who are size 14-16 were just as sexy to me as the truly attractive women who are size 0.  And my readers believed it!   Combined with other little details, like an unstable marriage where my wife was completely at fault, humorous jokes stolen from obscure Japanese comedies, and hints that I was pretty well-endowed, was enough to get women to tell me anything!”

And tell me they did.  In complete confidence, they talked to Neilochka, thinking him safe, like the gay friend in a chick-lit novel.  After three years of blogging, he KNOWS everything. 

And now YOU will too.  In Neil Kramer’s new book, “Behind the Blogosphere:  What Other Bloggers Really Tell Me,” the author takes no prisoners.  Nothing is off-limits. 

Some highlights:

  • Which bloggers don’t look like their photos AT ALL because they always use a high angle to hide the double chin?
  • Who are the blogging perverts, sending “Neilochka” photos of their bras — and worse? (including some men!)
  • What anti-depressant each blogger is taking, and who has completely lost their libido because of it?
  • What “really” goes on behind the closed doors of Room 1243 at the Westin St. Francis Hotel during BlogHer?
  • Who is the quiet, shy “cat blogger” in Toronto who has slept with every male blogger east of the Mississippi, and has made sculptures of their privates which she sells on a secret Etsy site?
  • Which female blogger never has anything to wear for her high-profile job as a social media specialist because her “wonderful” husband insists on wearing her clothes around the house, stretching the fabric?
  • Which mommyblogger actually thinks her new baby is “sort of ugly?”
  • Which “Momocrat” is really voting for McCain and thinks her other friends are “liberal pussies” who hate America?
  • Which “good friend” of Dooce said “her favorite blog is “Citizen of the Month,” but Heather “Dooce” is so insecure she would never say so publicly in fear of losing her own “standing?”

And so much more.

Soon, at a bookstore near you.

Remember:  Tomorrow is “Write Like the Opposite Sex Day.”  If you so choose, write your post as the opposite sex and then tell me about it in the comments.  I’ll put up a link.  Hell, I’ll even give you until the weekend.

And if you comment on my blog tomorrow, make sure you do so as the opposite sex.

This entry was posted in Blogging and the Internet, Literary, News and Politics and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Tell All

  1. Eileen Dover says:

    The sad thing is that I fall into about seven categories.

    Ugh.

    I’m going to be outed, I can tell. Does that mean I can write about about being outed?

  2. Kathy says:

    My bras are too “mumsy” for anyone to be interested in photos of, and as far as not looking like my pictures, well, if you go by the ones I post on my site, you’d have to assume I really don’t have a head.

  3. Stacey says:

    Right, like we don’t blab that sort of stuff to everyone. We’re BLOGGERS, Neil.

  4. Jane says:

    Scott McLellan should be forced to give any profit he makes to the family of a dead soldier. They all should, from Bush on down to his lowest puppet.

    Hmmm. As for the rest, I never did get the whole Dooce thing. Famous because she was fired for blogging?

    Maybe, Neilochka, if you wrote a book like that, a crazed “Blogger w/ Kids” would come after you. . .you’d get press coverage. . .and could be the next, better Dooce.

  5. anymommy says:

    I’ve only just barely started commenting here. How did you know about the Momocrat thing?

  6. We’re all serving you with non-disclosure agreements in the morning and we’re gonna get Pellicano’s cousin to come over and, ahem, give you a “personal training” workout. ;)

  7. natalie says:

    wait…dooce was fired for blogging? obviously i don’t ever read dooce…i went to her site once though. wow.

  8. Penelope says:

    Phew, thank goodness I’m over The Pond, you ain’t got nuffin’ on me sunshine :P

  9. Whit says:

    Will you pretend that I told you something interesting, preferably with gratuitous nudity?

  10. Winter says:

    I’m never giving out another bra pic again.

  11. sween says:

    Where is the Amazon button? I need to pre-order this POSTHASTE.

  12. brettdl says:

    I’ve kept every e-mail Neil ever sent to me. That should account for a 2-page book, I think.

  13. Noelle says:

    Wait, are you implying that people are LYING on the internet? I just don’t believe it.

  14. John says:

    The “good friend” of Dooce, or Dooce, is so insecure? I tend to believe the latter.

  15. Neil says:

    Brettdl — Why would I email you? You’re a guy?

  16. V-Grrrl says:

    Now everyone will know what kind of “sandwich” I like!!!!

    And that my antidepressant does not suppress my libido.

    I bet I become much more popular and my stats go through the roof. Thanks Neil!

  17. Neil says:

    V-grrrl — We’ve know what type of sandwich you like for quite a while now… unfortunately, you’re not living in Europe anymore…

  18. piglet says:

    i wish to “pre-order” my copy now please.

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